sydneygirl87 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Hi all, As you may have seen from my last posts my bf of one year broke up with me about a week ago. I was a total mess last week and had to have the week off work. I basically sat at home and cried my heart out. My weekend was busy and full of friends which definetly helped me keep my mind off things, and cheer me up. Today is Monday and its back to work and im feeling very down and depressed again. On friday night my ex called me and wanted to come over, i said yes (silly i know). He came over and stayed the night. He told me that he had been feeling really down all week and would i consider taking things really slow. I told him i would think about it, but now he dosent want to speak to me again. On saturday night i was at home with some friends and i had too much to drink and slept with a guy that im friends with. I wouldnt say that i regret it, but i think it was too soon and now I am having second thoughts about it. Not the fact that it was with him, i just dont think i was ready for that. Im just feeling really down in the dumps. I know no contact is the way to go with my ex, but one day he dosent want to know me, and the next day he wants to see me. Its really confusing me. Thoughts anyone? x Link to comment
OldSoul86 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Sydneygirl, you need to cut yourself off from your ex. If the breakup is serious then you definitely need some time apart. You do not want to become an option for this man. This is why you need to firmly set your boundaries after a breakup and as quickly as you can. By going no contact and sticking to it you allow yourself some time to let the flood of emotions subside. Also, it lets your ex know that you have no desire to be a fallback girl in case his pursuit of other women does not go as planned. I know it is difficult, especially the first few weeks after a breakup, you need to keep yourself busy. Be with your friends as often as you can. Throw yourself into your work and give it 110%. Work out at the gym to the point of exhaustion. Sleep well, and eat well. But, most importantly, you need space, and lots of time so you can move forward with your life. You should tell your ex to respect the fact that you need space. There is no shame in telling him that you need it. Remember, now is the time to be greedy, focus on yourself, and do whatever it takes to help yourself while you're healing. You do not need to consider your ex's feelings - he broke it off with you. If you two meet later on down the road then let it be. For now, you need to become comfortable in your own skin again. That is the most important thing, and should be on the top of your priority list. Sometimes the only way to kick start your healing is to go cold-turkey and never look back. That is what I did when my ex left me 3 months ago. It truly sucked at the beginning, but every day forward is a small victory, and every day forward is one day closer to being over your ex. Just take life one breath at a time right now, and take the time to process all of the hurt you're feeling. You will be a stronger woman for it! If you need more advice please feel free to private message me, I've been there, and am still going through it! OldSoul Link to comment
pietro5266 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 OldSoul86 pretty much said it all. Just because your ex doesn't know what he wants doesn't mean that you have to put-up with that. A little space will at least help clarify your thoughts. As far as sleeping with the friend, this is actually pretty common, I think. I did something like that as well, after my recent breakup. Like you, I didn't feel great about it -- it didn't remove the pain, the hurt, the feeling of rejection, etc. I was still attached to my ex to some degree, and until one is well detached, it's probably too soon to really enjoy anything like that. Link to comment
jimbojTX91 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Yeah great advice guys, took this on board myself too, Syd gal, just wanted to add that I had a similar experience to you on the weekend haha, I slept with a girl who I'm friends with too, it was just drunk fun and we were both up for it, but now I feel so much worse.. Pietro is right, it's time to focus more on yourself and leave the rest of that stuff for later.. Your ex is going to be difficult if he doesn't leave you well alone, Best to be the strong one and put your foot down. Link to comment
pietro5266 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hell, what's my excuse -- I wasn't even drunk at all.... :shame: Link to comment
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