Hopelessly In Love With Married Man really long

[sami]

I know this a relationship I need to end but I just cant not right now. We met about 3 years ago when he got a job where I work, I had taken him home 1 night after work and it just became a regular thing to do I enjoyed his company we would sit and listen to music for hours after work (which usually ended around 3:00 am) we would talk about things that we had done while we were growing up relatioships that we had had. We talked about things that we liked to do and we started hanging out even more. We would go shopping together for groceries or clothes and christmas and other special occasions he would play those games that they have in some stores with stuffed animals and I would pick which one I wanted and he would end up playing until he got it for mewe make each other laugh and 1 of the stores we go in everybody thinks that we are a couple he didnt wear a ring back thenso now when we go in he takes it off. The employees were we shopped would make comments like you two are perfect for each other stuff like that. Well i had heard a rumor that he was married but of course he couldn't be because of all the late nights and early mornings with me but I decided to ask anyway and when I did he wouldn't tell me right away he made me wait 3 days before I got an answer and it was YES he was. Well we could still be friends i really enjoyed his company he could make me laugh when i really didnt want to and at that point we had not been intimate so i would get over him right,WRONG!! my feelings became stronger were can read eachothers thoughts and finish each others sentences I even knew that when my phone would ring if it was him or not before i even answered it I am totally in love with this man we used to hang out at some of the same places when we were teens so maybe we were supposed to meet he had even broken down accross the street from my moms when i lived there but he got help from the neighbors when nobody answered the door at my house so were we supposed to meet then i feel like we were I have been to his home hes met my parents and they love him Ive been to his home he has 2 kids and i have 1 and she watches his kids because his wife got a job but he pays her to babysit at night and he comes over here after work and hangs out before he leaves he has even fallen asleep here and didn't leave til the next day he wants us to start a business togetherand i want to too but its so hard because I know hes not my man and probably never will be I don't even know if he feels the same way as I do but he knows how I feel about him and he has walked away yet and its going on 3 years now I told him that I knew how this is going to end (with me being hurt) and have told him that since hes going to end it he should do it now but he hasnt I just cant tell what is going on in his mind when it comes to me I know he cares but exactly how much or how deep I don't know I dont want to read more into his WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE I MAY BE READING TOO MUCH INTO IT i JUST HAD TO GET THIS OFF my chest if anybody has any thoughts or comments please let me know

[guy40az]

I am not to sure you want to hear my comments. But I will keep it really short.

 

I have no idea why you would continue such a relationship. If he really loves you and wants to be with you he should exit his relationship with his wife before he got involved with you. I would tell him to leave his wife or break it off with you.

 

Would you really be ready to handle the total mess this will be when she finds out what is going on and for how long? When you catch your spouse cheating on you it really makes a big mess and it is 100 times worse if you have kids. He really needs to make a decision on what he wants.

[OceanEyes]

I can't tell you how many times I've read topics here about women becoming involved with married men who have children. It makes no sense to me how someone can allow themselves to do this.

 

My mother's first marriage ended when her husband starting seeing other women. She had three kids at the time. Almost 30 years later, you can still see the effects of that marriage and how much pain it caused her. There is always the argument that "the man is the one who chooses to cheat on the wife. He's the one married, not me". Of course this is true, but how moral is it to believe this? Becoming involved with a married man is one thing, but when he has children and responsibilities to a family, it always ends disasterously and hurts the wife and kids. This just isn't fair to them, and by the sounds of it, you have the power to put a stop to it. Why not then?

 

I understand how difficult the thought of walking away is to you. I can also understand that there are probably some real feelings involved here. But how would you ever trust a man like this? A man who leaves his wife and kids at home to cuddle with you at your place? A man who will do this to one, will certainly do it to another. An honourable, real man will deal with his issues head-on in his marriage instead of seeking attention elsewhere. Try to look at it that way. I don't think you would want to put your faith in a man like this. And the fact of the matter is, he will probably never leave his wife for you unless she leaves him first. He has a lot of things to sort out in his life by the sounds of it.

 

I'm hoping that you can see the dangers of this relationship you have. Raise up your standards a little bit and try to be aware of how much pain and heartache will be caused by this affair if you don't put a stop to it. Not just your pain, but the pain of three other people who probably haven't done anything to deserve it.

[Littlun]

I know you don't want to hear this, but if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you! Move on.

[Scout]

What disturbed me about your post (besides the lack of paragraphs, capital letters and punctuation - which makes it difficult to read) is that no where do you mention feelings of guilt that this man is leaving his wife and children alone at home to come spend time with you.

 

You do not seem to feel guilty about the fact that your lover has a family he is neglecting to be with you. You have a child of your own, and you don't have sympathy for his children?

 

Really, really sad.

 

There are so many single, available men out there. I just don't understand the logic of setting one's sights on a married man.

[sami]

I know what I am doing is wrong and I do feel so guilty at times but when i see him or hear his voice it just all goes away. I was in a relationship where the man had cheated on me and I stayed with him 4 9 years because we had a daughter togetherand when I finally broke it off I was miserable inside I could put on a happy face around people but the minute I was alone i would break down in tears so I know how it feels.But when this thing started with him we were just friends he is somebody I could talk to and be myself and not have to worry about him judging me and he could make me laugh and forget about the last relationship so our friendship is the most important thing we've helped eachother with problems that we've had if he needed something or I needed something we have both come through for each otherthere were no expectations from either of us and thats what built the trust I have in him he trusts me and even though it sounds really stupid I trust him too. But I dont think I can just be friends with himand thats the part of our relationship that I will dearly miss if I do stop this now. I know right from wrong and in the past I always said I dont mess with other womens boyfriends much less husbands but u know they say never say never,I am not a bad person and THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST THINGI HAVE EVER DONE.

[sami]

Scout I am soooo sorry about the puntuation and paragraphs!!! I did not set my sights on a married man its not like I said well let me see if I can find a married man today this is something that happened over night at least as far as the intimacy is concerned that was over a year after we had been friends

[Scout]

Yes, I don't think you made a conscious decision to find a married man, but what I meant (and I can see how you took it the other way) is that, well, with so many single guys, why get involved with a married one?

 

In your case, I think you were at a point in your life where you were lonely and thus, extra vulnerable to this man's approaches. I am sure he's got some great qualities, but bottom line, what he is doing to his family is very wrong, and he's got some real character problems if he is doing this.

 

Ok, I think you would love a steady partner to be a good husband and parental figure to your child. Not someone who is only available when he can get away from his already existing family!

 

If you stay involved with this man, you will be missing out on opportunities to meet someone much better for you. Unfortunately, it sounds like at this point, you don't have enough will-power to stay away from this guy. Have you thought about seeing a counselor/therapist to work through this?

[OceanEyes]

But when this thing started with him we were just friends he is somebody I could talk to and be myself and not have to worry about him judging me and he could make me laugh and forget about the last relationship so our friendship is the most important thing we've helped eachother with problems that we've had if he needed something or I needed something

 

Fair enough.

 

However, have you ever stopped to think that the reason this 'relationship' is so easy and fulfilling right now is because there are no actual expectations? He's giving and taking where he can. He doesn't judge you because he's married and to judge you would be very hypocritical of him. He doesn't judge because he's happy to have you on the side, and even happier that you don't complain about it. Of course he's always going to be happy and willing to give - he knows he doesn't owe you anything when all is said and done - and can leave whenever he wants to. Have you thought of it that way? He's getting a babysitter for his kids, a woman to clean his house and cook his meals, and another woman to talk to and find comfort with. He's got it made, what reason WOULD he have to complain?

 

There are obviously some problems within his marriage that he's not making any effort to repair (hence, seeing you on the side). Can't you try to see, at least try, that a man as selfish and cowardly as this doesn't have a good, true nature? You seem to think he's this wonderful being, so full of life and love, but in reality, any man who abandons his wife and children to see another woman is NOT a good person. Why put yourself though it?

[Mun]

Hi Sami,

Three years is a long time. I can see how you feel about this man and I can only say one thing... he is not 100% committed to either one of you. He is the only winner here, everyone else is losing. He gets to have his wife at home and his children, comfort and stability.. and ... he also gets to have his special friend who he has fun with.

 

What do you want? Do you want to continue in this way another three years? Always living your love in the shadows and getting the leftover time from him and his other obligations? To me this is no way to live. I think that if you continue this way--and this is just my opinion--you will become a bitter person.

 

Do you ever want to get married? What kind of view about marriage and committment will you have when you have seen that it is so easy for someone to cheat? Will you be able to trust your future partner when he walks out that door to go to work? To me this is the most important reason to end this relationship--THE DAMAGE IT WILL DO TO YOU IN THE LONG RUN.

 

That's not to say that should his wife find out she will not hurt--she will--so will the children. You really owe it to yourself to let this man know that you expect more from a partner.

 

If he truly wants to be with you then he needs to change his situation and then come looking for you.

 

Wishing you the best

[nanann]

i am in love with a married man too and i know how it feels to know that the woman they are with is taking your place. To know, in your heart, that you are the one he is supposed to be with. That's how we don't feel guilty for the other women because we feel she isn't even the one for him anyway. But the thing is that if HE knew that too, he'd be gone. He can't be staying for the kids because he's with you instead of being with them!

If he doesn't realize that you are too special to be playing second fiddle, he's not worth it. Let him be with his kids, where he should be. He will obviously end up hurting his kids someday but at least you won't have played a part in it. You'll feel much better about yourself doing this than the happiness he brings to your life. Believe me, i know. Good luck!

[Mun]

i am in love with a married man too and i know how it feels to know that the woman they are with is taking your place. To know, in your heart, that you are the one he is supposed to be with. That's how we don't feel guilty for the other women because we feel she isn't even the one for him anyway.!!

Nanann I heard this same statement almost word for word from a woman who was involved with a married man for years. I guess it's a general feeling among most women in this situation to feel that she is his true love/soulmate.

 

He can't be staying for the kids because he's with you instead of being with them

!

This is one of the smartest things I've read in awhile.