sami

Scout I am soooo sorry about the puntuation and paragraphs!!! I did not set my sights on a married man its not like I said well let me see if I can find a married man today this is something that happened over night at least as far as the intimacy is concerned that was over a year after we had been friends

I know what I am doing is wrong and I do feel so guilty at times but when i see him or hear his voice it just all goes away. I was in a relationship where the man had cheated on me and I stayed with him 4 9 years because we had a daughter togetherand when I finally broke it off I was miserable inside I could put on a happy face around people but the minute I was alone i would break down in tears so I know how it feels.But when this thing started with him we were just friends he is somebody I could talk to and be myself and not have to worry about him judging me and he could make me laugh and forget about the last relationship so our friendship is the most important thing we've helped eachother with problems that we've had if he needed something or I needed something we have both come through for each otherthere were no expectations from either of us and thats what built the trust I have in him he trusts me and even though it sounds really stupid I trust him too. But I dont think I can just be friends with himand thats the part of our relationship that I will dearly miss if I do stop this now. I know right from wrong and in the past I always said I dont mess with other womens boyfriends much less husbands but u know they say never say never,I am not a bad person and THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST THINGI HAVE EVER DONE.

I know this a relationship I need to end but I just cant not right now. We met about 3 years ago when he got a job where I work, I had taken him home 1 night after work and it just became a regular thing to do I enjoyed his company we would sit and listen to music for hours after work (which usually ended around 3:00 am) we would talk about things that we had done while we were growing up relatioships that we had had. We talked about things that we liked to do and we started hanging out even more. We would go shopping together for groceries or clothes and christmas and other special occasions he would play those games that they have in some stores with stuffed animals and I would pick which one I wanted and he would end up playing until he got it for mewe make each other laugh and 1 of the stores we go in everybody thinks that we are a couple he didnt wear a ring back thenso now when we go in he takes it off. The employees were we shopped would make comments like you two are perfect for each other stuff like that. Well i had heard a rumor that he was married but of course he couldn't be because of all the late nights and early mornings with me but I decided to ask anyway and when I did he wouldn't tell me right away he made me wait 3 days before I got an answer and it was YES he was. Well we could still be friends i really enjoyed his company he could make me laugh when i really didnt want to and at that point we had not been intimate so i would get over him right,WRONG!! my feelings became stronger were can read eachothers thoughts and finish each others sentences I even knew that when my phone would ring if it was him or not before i even answered it I am totally in love with this man we used to hang out at some of the same places when we were teens so maybe we were supposed to meet he had even broken down accross the street from my moms when i lived there but he got help from the neighbors when nobody answered the door at my house so were we supposed to meet then i feel like we were I have been to his home hes met my parents and they love him Ive been to his home he has 2 kids and i have 1 and she watches his kids because his wife got a job but he pays her to babysit at night and he comes over here after work and hangs out before he leaves he has even fallen asleep here and didn't leave til the next day he wants us to start a business togetherand i want to too but its so hard because I know hes not my man and probably never will be I don't even know if he feels the same way as I do but he knows how I feel about him and he has walked away yet and its going on 3 years now I told him that I knew how this is going to end (with me being hurt) and have told him that since hes going to end it he should do it now but he hasnt I just cant tell what is going on in his mind when it comes to me I know he cares but exactly how much or how deep I don't know I dont want to read more into his WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE I MAY BE READING TOO MUCH INTO IT i JUST HAD TO GET THIS OFF my chest if anybody has any thoughts or comments please let me know