Lucy3 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I dont want to generalize here but as i only date men i dont know if women are the same but so often i come accross guys that literally can not hold an equal, two-way conversation. By this i mean that they can happily talk about themselves for ages but when it comes to asking questions about me, they just dont do it! Its got to the point now where with some dates i just start talking about something to do with me, otherwise the conversation would just be about them the whole night, and even then it soon gets turned back around to them. Perhaps they are nervous but i also notice this in text conversations with guys too. To hol the conversation i always find myself asking questions about them, once they have answered a simple 'how about you?' question would be nice but no nothing! The last guy i was seeing, if i told him something about me or something that happened that day i would either get a silence or a grunt! Do men not realise its a lot easier to hold a conversation when its not all one sided and not all about them? Anyone else had these kind of experiences? Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Never underestimate a males' inability to communicate with the opposite sex. However,people are self absorbed today, i don't think gender is a determining factor. The most important part of communication is LISTENING...and few have this skill. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ya i have this issue too, i literally have to volunteer info about myself cause most don't seem to ask. One guy i went on a few dates with would cut me off mid-sentence and change the subject (usually back to himself). People can be extremely self-absorbed these days, and age isn't really a factor either, it is younger and older people too. Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I remember some TV commercial i forget what it was for, a man says to a woman, "well thats enough about me. Lets talk about you. What do you think of me?" I think the self-absorbtion is evidence of how starved people are for communication/appreciation. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I remember some TV commercial i forget what it was for, a man says to a woman, "well thats enough about me. Lets talk about you. What do you think of me?" I think the self-absorbtion is evidence of how starved people are for communication/appreciation. Ya i totally agree with you, it is sad really. I figured it was just a problem with people in their twenties and early thirties, because that is the generation most affected by social media, internet etc. However I have gone on dates with people in there 40's who cannot converse. They were either self-absorbed or just didn't know how to have a interesting conversation, and my attempts to steer the convo did not work. Ugh, I hate dating. Link to comment
chickydoodle Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 People can be extremely self-absorbed these days, and age isn't really a factor either, it is younger and older people too. Agreed. But there are some who want to know everything about 'you', while revealing very little about themselves.... Then there are those who regale endlessly long boring anecdotes about people you do not know, will never know, and it is pointless hearing about their lives. What is the art of good conversation? I believe humour is important and SILENCE! with the odd perspective thrown in, of something that is thought provoking. Link to comment
alexia29 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I was with a man who hated me for my conversational skills, or lack thereof. He wanted me to talk about myself, but every time I did I got a grunt, eye-rolling, or silence and no feedback whatsoever. To avoid this I used to try to ask him questions so that it wouldn't be all silence. He hated me asking questions too, becuase it showed him I couldn't hold a conversation. I still don't understand what the hell he wanted... Link to comment
Seymore Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I've found that I'm most liked by others when I listen to them. I don't interrupt, I let them finish, and then I let the other person know I was listening. Say the girl loves roast beef sandwiches. I don't have to like them, but I respect and understand that this is an important thing to the girl and let her talk. Then I might say something like "You mentioned mustard on your sandwich...do you use Dijon or what?". This lets her know I was not only paying attention, but I want to hear more about this sandwich she's passionate about. Of course the sandwich is a crude example - it could apply to anything. But I see this guy I know who only talks about himself, or will only ask a girl about something they like so that he can turn it back to him again, and then he's mad because girls ignore him. Really, who wants to hear you talk about YOU all day every day? It's give and take. In a world of "me, me, me", a good pair of ears are hard to come by. Link to comment
Generation Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I find that some people on these forums can be like that too somewhat. They talk about themselves as opposed to really focusing on the OP's problems (even though the OP didn't ask for their story per se). I'm guilty of it too and I think everyone is to a small degree, but I mean some posters do it to such excess that it's really like they forgot about the OP, and I just know every time I see them make a new post, they're gonna talk about themselves. They manage to somehow relate everything back to themselves. Anyhow, yeah I've had experiences like that. Women can be like that as well. Why? I don't know. People love to hear themselves speak and share their stories. I like to hear myself speak. Lately I've started to realize how annoying it can be when someone keeps talking about themselves, I started to wonder if I did the same thing, so I'm cutting back on it as well and trying to focus on the other person. Link to comment
Surreality Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 If you do this, just try to be more conscious of it while conversating. Check yourself regularly if you know you are guilty of this and you can keep it under control. Link to comment
Surreality Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I was with a man who hated me for my conversational skills, or lack thereof. He wanted me to talk about myself, but every time I did I got a grunt, eye-rolling, or silence and no feedback whatsoever. To avoid this I used to try to ask him questions so that it wouldn't be all silence. He hated me asking questions too, becuase it showed him I couldn't hold a conversation. I still don't understand what the hell he wanted... He wanted to put you down, to make himself feel that he was a conversational genius. Things flow naturally between people who have a good connection. Link to comment
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