i worry too much :/

[luvsomeone333]

everyday i feel so anxious, i feel on edge...i worry all the time, whether i will get a job, whether my parents have enough money to support me...im currently studying my last year in university but i cant help but just worry all the time.... im always so self conscious whether im good enough and looking at the next person and thing they re better than me... i dont know what to do...i cant stop obsessing how much better they are... i feel like im a failure....im trying to be positive but i just feel like im a really bad student...i try so hard... then the other day my lecturer made a smart a** comment that made me feel like im not trying hard enough but i do.... i hate how comments like that get to me...i know it shoudnt but its so hard to avoid someone who makes me feel small ...i feel like im back in high school and being bullied...

 

i dont know what i want to do in life ..im worried about everything and especially leaving school cause i dont even know if i even have a job ...i dont want to be a failure...

 

please help

[Jeffrey B]

You are an incredible woman full of energy and creativity. Sadly, you are lost and wasting that creative energy on worry and envy. You need to take charge of your life. Fortunately, that’s not difficult. Really!

 

The very first thing you should do is get a piece of paper (or open a document in Word) and make a list of 10 things that are special about you. They may be achievements, they may be skills, they may be personality characteristics. It doesn’t matter. Just make that list. Think about what you are good at. Think about the things people compliment you over. Think about the things you can do easily that others find difficult or impossible. Then make that list. Print it if you’ve used a computer. And look at that list every morning. If you face doubts, think about the list. As I said, you are an incredible woman. The list is the proof!

 

Secondly, think about where you want to be 10 years from now. What do you want to be doing with your life? What kind of career do you want? Where do you want to live? What do you want to be able to do in your spare time?

 

If you are not sure, there are two things you can do. The better option is to think about one or two older women whom you admire. They might be family friends, they might be the mothers of friends. They might be members of the community whom you admire. Now ask these women about their success. How they achieved it. What they had to do to get there and so on. Even if you do not know some of the women you admire, do not be afraid to contact them. Nearly everyone loves to talk about themselves and their success. Many people are delighted to lend a helping hand to a determined young person and many women, aware of the challenges your sex unfortunately faces in the workforce, are particularly happy to advise and even mentor a determined young person. Actually, even if you know what you want to be doing 10 years from now, I recommend talking to women who have achieved similar things in life.

 

If that is not possible or you really do not know where you want to go at this time, an alternative approach is to go the the job search sites on the web, browse all kinds of jobs and bookmark all the jobs that interest you. Do not worry about qualifications. Just find jobs that you can imagine yourself enjoying doing one day. Spend a little time doing this. Once you’ve got a collection of jobs, review them again and choose those that are the most appealing.

 

Now look at the qualifications on those jobs. Make a list of the key qualifications you need. For instance, you might need a masters degree. You might need some sales experience. You might need another language.

 

With all of this information, you can build a list of accomplishments you need to make in order to be living the life you want in 10 years’ time. Very likely, you’ll have an idea of what kind of work you want to look for once you’ve graduated. Probably there will be other things you should do. Join particular clubs, read up on relevant topics. Perhaps keep a blog of your progress. Maybe you will need to look for post-graduate schools.

 

Hopefully, there will be at least one woman that you have spoken to and who has offered you advice. If you feel good about her and she has expressed willingness to help you, keep in touch with her. Let her know about your plan and ask her advice. Very likely, she can offer advice and even a recommendation for your first post-university job.

 

Now don’t worry that you will have to wait 10 years to be living the life you want to live. Your anguish now is in uncertainty and doubt. By having clearer long term goals as well as a clear idea of the steps you need to achieve them, your life will take on more meaning and you will feel more confident. And having control of your life will make you much happier.

 

Finally, be sure to put this plan on paper or save it on a computer file. Do not set it in stone, however. Ten years is a long time. Things change, opportunities change. Jobs that do not exist today, may seduce you as time goes on. You can always change your plan as you become more experienced and knowledgeable.

 

Most of the successful people I have known have done something like this: they have been driven by a plan they made when they were around your age.

 

Good luck!

 

Jeffrey

[arwen]

Moderator note: Thread moved to 'emotions and feelings'.

[oldspinster]

I have the same problem. I worried about everything in life to the point of not sleeping much at night and an occasional panic attack. I finally went and talked to my doctor about it. We have worked together and found an anti-depressant that works for me. I still worry, but it does not consume me anymore!

 

It sounds like anxiety may be impacting your daily life. You should consider talking to a doctor or maybe a counselor at your school. Take a look at the following link and learn more about anxiety.

 

link removed

[starinva]

I agree with oldspinster. Hun, we all worry. We all worry if we are going to do "OK". If we are good enough for this new job. If we are good enough for that other person. If we are going to succeed.

 

It's how you deal with that anxiety and how much you let it affect you. If the anxiety is keeping you from accomplishing goals or even trying, then you need to see the doctor. I would try a psychologist or life coach first. Get the skills to learn how to over come the anxiety without relying on pills. IF that doesn't work, then you may need something prescription to help you with the anxiety.

 

Just know, everyone worries like you do. Some just hide it better than others! Your own fears may not be as visible as you believe. Express some of your concerns to close classmate. I bet you'll find they have a LOT of the same concerns and need someone to talk to as well!!! =)