patheticgirl Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 This is my first post. I was so comfortted seeing all the topics here and the responses of how u actually mean that people who come here are not alone. Thanks a lot. Here's my story. I am the most pathetic, stupid girl on earth mailing you all. Just to get some comfort. Before I saw my story, I want you to know that our culture is such that theres only arranged marriages and if parents dont accept then there no further proceedings in it unless the guy is ok to walk away from his parents temporarily atleast. Also a girl and guy cannot be together before marriage. I was brought up with values that me giving myself to a guy is the most percious thing i can give him. so with such thoughts my life was moving on when 10 years back, I met a guy and immediately fell in love with him. We dont know how but we had a chemistry between us. we began to lead a sexual life, even though not married(But since we had oppurtunities abroad we started to live in together and our parents dont know abt this) . I believed him closing my eyes. Hes such a guy that took care of me so well that he would get sad if something happens to me evn a small scratch. We roamed and had fun all over the place. One day I told him my feelings assuming a guy who takes such care for me and also intimate with me will have the same feeling. He was reluctant that his family wont agree. I shoudl have known by then, but it was time, I had given everything to him what a girl shouldnt have. So we spoke and spoke and he agreed to open the topic to my parents. We began to lead a coupled life abroad and to this time I never opened anything to my parents. I dont know abt his. Now years passed and in our culture after a period of time there wont be any alliances coming forward for marriage and it happened to me because i was crossing my late 20s and it was time for us to talk to our parents. He without me knowing met both mine and his parents and had said that we were just friends and we had nothing inbetween. but me,god and his heart knows how we lead a family life and all the people abroad knows too(since we were living together as a couple). I was so involved with him for these years that everystep i thought and did everything for him even when making love. Now I cant digest that hes walking away from my life to lead a new life with a girl his family has hurriedly searched. I am so possesive that i cant digest him being with someone else. Please advice me what to do. I cannot remove him from my heart and everything makes me remember him even when I see myself too. I know a girls heart always forgives how much hurt a guy does. I long to be with him. Why is that a girl always has to suffer this much and guy just like changing clothes walk away. I dont know if theres any hold for me to life anymore. I know I was foolish to beilieve a guy like this and end up in a deep hole like now. they say love is blind and in my case its very true. Link to comment
Princess777 Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Anyway, I am sorry that you are experiencing this. I am a little unclear on whether or not he has told you how HE really feels about you, and the arranged union with the other girl. If he still really wants to be with you, then I'm all for running off with him to a place where you can be together, but of course I am not bound by your customs. I think you should do whatever feels right in your heart. You sound like you have a strong love for this man and all you can do is let him know how much you love him. I wish you well. Link to comment
patheticgirl Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Thanks for the comforting words princess77. Thanks for the wishes, but as I had said he doesnt want to come against his parents wish and be with me. He very well knopws that i love him so much that i could die for him, but.... I hate my life.... Hope I overcome this soon Link to comment
Clarabelle Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I used to live in India, where arranged marriages are still very common, as is the idea of absolute obedience to parents, and I saw how devastated my friend was when her family opposed her "love match". In the end she gave in to her parents' wishes. Traditional sociey and traditional values, as you know, does not give much room for individual expression. Your boyfriend may care about you deeply, but he may prioritize his family's wishes higher. I am so sorry. You can try to let him know how you feel, because it might help your healing if you know that you tried your very best. Link to comment
patheticgirl Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 I used to live in India, where arranged marriages are still very common, as is the idea of absolute obedience to parents, and I saw how devastated my friend was when her family opposed her "love match". In the end she gave in to her parents' wishes. Traditional sociey and traditional values, as you know, does not give much room for individual expression. Your boyfriend may care about you deeply, but he may prioritize his family's wishes higher. I am so sorry. You can try to let him know how you feel, because it might help your healing if you know that you tried your very best. Yes Clarabelle, not only was it just love but we were together as a married couple for 10 years. I did everything a wife does for her husband. I had so much belief and trust in him that I let go the traditional values by living together with him. Now I feel like I am left in the middle of a desert. I dont feel like living anymore without him. Also now they had hurriedly finalised a girl for him. I feel so let down that I am here longing to be with him, but some girl is lucky to be with him as his wife. If only there's something I can do... even if its giving my life I am ready to do it. Link to comment
monicaa Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 hope this link helps! link removed,,168290_194619,00.html Link to comment
patheticgirl Posted September 25, 2004 Author Share Posted September 25, 2004 hope this link helps! link removed,,168290_194619,00.html Thanks a lot monicaa... thanks a lot !!! Link to comment
patheticgirl Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 the most hurting thing is, I cant imagine him being married to someone else. I cant digest the feeling, he being intimate with someother girl, I think of the ways we used to be intimately and now in my place someother girl I cant even think abt it. its very hard... Link to comment
paulo ribeiro Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 the most hurting thing is, I cant imagine him being married to someone else. I cant digest the feeling, he being intimate with someother girl, I think of the ways we used to be intimately and now in my place someother girl I cant even think abt it. its very hard... That is normal, I think you should accept that hurt instead of fighting it off... Even I who had a girlfriend for "only" 4,5 years (compared to your 10 years) can't imagine her being with someone else... I'm so glad I found this forum, at least now I know I'm not alone in this!... Link to comment
patheticgirl Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 Back in our country(Asian), pre martial sex is a big no and of course u cant have more than one guy in ur life. meaning u marry someone and be with them for the rest of your life, because hes your everything from then on...Only lately is the love marriage concept is coming up. After coming here, I was bit bold and accepted to live in together with this guy I love, hoping hes going to be my husband anyway. So I crossed all the limits and now I am left behind and hes already ahead in his life, planning to marry some girl his family has chosen..How can one be like that after having such wonderful 10 years of relationship(everyone used to envy us..ofcourse we had a few fights.. but.. ) I feel sad, angry, I dont know.. I have no attachment whatsoever with this life anymore. Link to comment
paulo ribeiro Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Just try to be patient and acknowledge all the feelings you are experiencing. Things will get better... At least that's what I'm hoping for me as well! Ten years is a really long time. But hope should be the last thing to die! One day you will be happy again if you look back to this you will be ashamed of having had these thoughts! I'm just trying to cheer you up a bit! Let time heal you... Stick to what you've learned and how you've grown over these years and try to forget the bad things... Life must go on! Link to comment
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