How to drop a friend w/out it turning into DRAMA

[sandrawg]

Without going into ridiculous detail, I have a friend who compulsively lies and twists facts. He's very manipulative and selfish. Long story short but, his relationships are very poorly chosen and tend to cause drama in our friend circles. The last one, he dated a drug addict who tried to kill herself. Even while admitting he was crazy, he continued to sleep with her.

 

This latest person he's dating is 17 yrs his junior. He's 36 and she's 18. Recently, my housemate and I planned a party for St. Patty's day. My friend decided to co-opt it and make it be about his gf's 19th birthday. Well, my housemate had no problem with it but my friend failed to ask me, probably cuz he knew I wouldn't like that idea. He goes and sets up a FB event page for it, and next thing you know, my other friends are threatening to boycott the party cux they didn't want to drink around underage people.

 

In reality, most of my friends are mid30s and older and don't approve of his gf. However, the drinking underage was a valid concern, so I asked him if he could host it at his own place.

 

He got pissy with me..next thing I know, he's calling up other friends, complaining about me, etc. He turned it into this crazy drama. Throughout the drama, he lied about things I said and distorted the situation to make me look like a bad guy. The irony is that he was telling people, I was turning everyone against him when, I found out from talking to people about stuff he said, that this is what he was doing to ME! I never called ANYONE. Now I've spent the entire day having to defend myself against his ridiculous accusations.

 

This is not the 1st time he's started drama and been caught in lies. He hated my last bf, and used to say untrue things about him and give me grief about him all the time.

 

So..yknow what? I'm done with him. I'm over it.

 

We have a big friend group, tho, and I don't know how to un-friend him w/out it becoming a big production. Like..should I unfriend him on FB? Should I tell him why I don't want anything to do with him anymore?

 

or should I just quietly withdraw myself from his life? Then if he asks, I'll explain why. Cuz..you're a liar and a drama queen...etc.

[pl3asehelp]

I would quietly withdraw and only explain if he asks. He's been a jerk to you and you don't owe him anything - the explanation is more of a courtesy, but I don't think it's even necessary.

[LDRohnos]

Just stop calling or communicating with them and eventually you won't have a friendship anymore.

[memento]

Sounds like a very inconsiderate person... Everyone has to accommodate him or else there is drama.. Cut him from your life and hold strong..If asked give facts....His friendship isn't worth it if he's always causing drama.. Also, with the underage drinking thing, I wouldn't drink around a bunch of teens as it could potentially get your group of friends into a lot of trouble.. Let him be the solo old guy in the crowd of teens...

[sandrawg]

Hey Memeto,

 

That's exactly what we intend to do..but, you have no idea how insanely this has blown up. I'm thinking of writing a whole separate forum posting about it. Basically, he's still spreading lies and misinformation about me..he's re-writing history (for ex., one of my friends who doesnt' approve of him dating an 18 yr old, said "YOU didn't approve of MY relationship with (so and so), and you decided not to hang out with us because of it. Why aren't I allowed to do the same?" And he simply denied he ever gave her a hard time. He has denied several situations in which he acted exactly as WE are.

 

He's describing this to others as, me and my friends HATE him and his gf.

 

Today, a guy who is WAY outside our social circle, but hangs out with one of the friends involved in this (I'll call her Betty)..called Betty and said "I heard you guys dumped (my male friend) as a friend. I thought I should call you because this doesn't sound like something you'd do."

 

So..now all this gossip is being spread OUTSIDE our social circle, that isn't true, and we're not sure how to handle it.