Omg!

[bananashake]

sooo, my cousin is having problems with a guy she is dating. she loves him. He TELLS her that he loves her and he chases her when she says she wants out of the relatonship, but his actions show otherwise. We keep trying to give her advice, but after last night, I think she is a lost cause.

 

She said she sat him down over the weekend and put her feelings out there. She told him she loves him and would like to spend more time together. They only see eachother once or twice a week and she's always at his bkon call - cooks for him, runs errands, gives her daughter clothes, etc.

 

He flat out told her that she is not a priority, but he loves her. He said his daughter and work are his biggest priorities. OK. understandable. But here is the kicker. He told her that she is as much as a priority as his DOG. She bursted into tears when he said that, and he tried comforting her, telling her, "Well, my dog is important. I love my dog a lot."

 

I walked away when she was telling us this. WTH. She still wants to work it out with him. Why on earth would she want to be with someone who would actually say something so cold? She is a very attractive and shyt-together gal! I heard my sister ask her sarcastically.... "so, how does he treat his dog?" She said he provides for the dog, but does the bare minimal and constantly yells at him.

 

UGGGGHHHHHH. MEN SUCK.

[Batya33]

Because for her the benefits outweigh the negatives and you telling her what to do when she is telling you her decision is not supportive. She does know what he said, she does know how he acts, she is not asking you for advice therefore you must stay out of it. You're assuming she doesn't benefit from this -perhaps she is happier with him than by herself, perhaps she prefers his company to being bored, whatever the reason she's an adult and can make her own decisions. Maybe the sex is really good. Maybe she enjoys being someone's little puppy dog.

 

If he starts physically abusing her then yes I would step in but otherwise no. Obviously she is focusing far more on his words than his actions, a mistake, but one she needs to figure out for herself.

 

And this has nothing to do with his gender -there are people who treat other people poorly. No need to generalize IMO.