will i ever be able to trust again??

[links12]

Just had a break up 2 weeks ago with a guy that i never thought would do this to me. I am not naive and i know that things end and ive had previous break up experiences and i had moved on from that but this guy i really thought would never leave my side. I am not one to just believe everything a guy tells me and back then i did tell myself to be cautious and to not believe everything but then i started thinking that his feelings were genuine and this guy seriously was crazy about me and i had never felt anyone love me this way before even though he wasnt my first love. I think about how i felt so safe with him and how we'd always work through everything this relationship had to go through and i didnt see it coming to an end. I don't know if i'll ever be able to trust what a guy says because i know even though they mean it at the moment how do i know they won't leave me again? i'm so afraid i will never let down the walls i am putting up right now. I'm so scared i will never love again because i'm scared of being left again and feeling like i disappointed someone i loved once more. I feel like even if at the beginning the guy is crazy about me. later on they get to know me more and realize i am not good enough for them and they leave me. I feel like all my failed friendships and relationships are all my fault and that people leave my life because they are tired of me and can find someone better. for these past two weeks i have felt positive most of the time but now its starting to get to me that he left me because i wasn't good enough to be in his life and he didnt value me enough to feel like i was adequate for his life. I wish he wouldnt have given up on me so easily. Aside from that i feel so alone here in college even though i have friends, i feel like they are not supportive at all and the friends i do talk to are from back home but i feel like phsyically i would love to have a heart to heart conversation with someone who would make me feel better but i dont have that. Its not that i cant live without my ex but it just is starting to hit me that he just really didnt want me even though he told me i didnt do anything wrong. I am doing NC and i know its for the best and i am not expecting him to come back to me and i am also not planning on breaking NC at all. I just am scared of never trusting anyones feelings for me again because i feel like i know those feelings wont be there later on.

[lilypadgirl]

Oh links, I feel for you because I'm struggling with the EXACT same things. How to trust again, someone who chased me and seemed so into me then suddenly deciding they don't want to try anymore. It makes me feel so rejected. At some point, I think we just have to come to terms that the future is uncertain. As long as we tried our best and we are fully learning and recognizing red flags, then we should be at peace with ourselves. There is so much more to value about you than whether a guy decides to quit or not. Who knows what is truly going on in his life. It may not even be about you.

 

I don't know how to answer you except that if you decide to trust again, you give yourself a possibility of everlasting love. But if you never trust again, you give yourself zero chance of that. I think it takes time to heal and accept yourself and recognize that why should his judgement of you be the correct one?

[neofinch]

oh I know exactly how you feel too. I have a box full of cards and letters that ive shoved to the back of my wardrobe "love you always" "i will be yours forever no matter what happens", and they poof they give up and suddenly all those words mean nothing and it hurts so much.

 

i think this is natural for us, but i do feel as the pain lessens and we heal, we will become more open to trusting again because we will remember the fond memories of love more so than we do this horrible pain we are going through now and want to experience that again. not the best analogy like when you think of a holiday where you have had cockroaches and really bad sunburn but after a while you tend to remember the fun stuff that happened!

[bananashake]

OMG, do not let the shadow of this dude follow you into your next relationship. Live n Learn and Move on!

[FreeFallFeelin]

One of the most important lessons any of us can learn from a failed relationship, is the fact that NOTHING lasts forever. The only thing that is constant in life is change. And, words are just words. They aren't solid reality. People say all kinds of crap that they don't mean, especially in the heat of "romance". Promises are full of hot air.

 

As humans, we cling to the past and reach for the future, and this is where a most of our pain and fear comes from. If we have the expectation that something will last forever, and then it doesn't, it turns our entire perception of reality on it's head. Things come together, and then they fall apart again. And this happens over and over all throughout nature. Realizing this doesn't make it any less painful, but it does help make the chaos seem less personal.

 

BTW, I am having these same feelings "How can I ever trust someone again?" It doesn't seem possible to me rigth now, but from what others have written here on ENA, we will....eventually.

[Why1234]

I'm in the same boat, just had this conversation with some friends about putting up huge walls because of this last girl that dumped with no notice. Its like the Garth brooks song, "the dance"- even if we know it wouldn't workout and for a period of time we could experience the best love, would you miss the dance. I know all this hurts and tears up inside but we all are looking for that one person that fits us. In order to find that we need to learn how to love, which will mean a few bumps and bruises. Trust me get up and shake it off, the world is filled with bitter, unlovable people, don't be one of them. You are one step closer to finding the true person that fits you!