Just "journaling" my sadness; I think my dog is dying. :(

[MattW]

I've heard plenty of stories of people feeling their diseased pet nearby, jumping on the bed or some other physical sensation, or hearing their footsteps. I've never experienced that, but I've had dreams, occasionally, in which my old pets appear, and feel very present and real. Those are fun dreams to have, and I imagine them all playing together in spirit form.

 

For the last couple of days, at work, there's this stupid little thing that plays a looped video, and it makes a noise that sounds exactly like his crying from that last night I spent with him. I cringe every time I hear it, because it makes me feel bad... But, I really wish I was the type of person that could "feel" deceased loved ones (specifically, my dog), even if that is just in peoples' imaginations. Every night since he's passed, as I'm going to bed, I always invite him to come jump on my bed and sleep with me, as silly as that sounds; I never actually "feel" anything, but I keep doing it anyway. Every now and then, I find a spot in my house that smells like him, but since we've been cleaning a bit, that's mostly gone away.

[MattW]

I can't believe that tomorrow, it'll have been a week since he died... It still seems like just yesterday, he was still pacing around the house, begging for food, greeting us when we'd come home... *sigh*

 

What's worse is, I... I'm not sure I feel "sad" anymore. I mean, I still miss him and wish he was around, but I feel like I've pretty much gotten back into my routine, and that I'm not constantly dwelling on him or his death anymore. I've been finding things that bring me enjoyment, and laughter, and I don't feel like I'm "moping" anymore. I guess on one hand, that should be a positive, as it's probably not healthy to dwell on it for a long term period of time... But I just feel bad for not feeling bad anymore, if that makes any kind of sense.

[mhowe]

Not to worry --- I actually had to put my bcollie down in August -- at age 17. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. And I know what you mean about "feeling them around" or wanting to ---- I never did. But just last week, I had a dream about him....and he was his younger self --- happy and enthusiastic. Not the dog from the end of his life ---in pain, deaf, w/ dementia.

 

It's okay to move on. And let the memories (the good ones) take over. They wouldn't want you anchored to the past.

[PlayingAces]

I can relate to how you're feeling. But I think the humane thing to do would be to put him to sleep. You're fooling yourself if you think he's comfortable, even at home. I don't know what kind of disease or illness he has, but I feel very strongly that you shouldn't draw out your pets' pain just so you will have more time with them. If he's not responding to anything, he's in a lot of pain! If you don't want to put him to sleep, maybe you could at least go to the vet and get some medication that will make it more comfortable for him. I'm sure there are so many magical, wonderful moments you have shared together over the years. Don't let this interfere with those memories.

[MattW]

I can relate to how you're feeling. But I think the humane thing to do would be to put him to sleep. You're fooling yourself if you think he's comfortable, even at home. I don't know what kind of disease or illness he has, but I feel very strongly that you shouldn't draw out your pets' pain just so you will have more time with them. If he's not responding to anything, he's in a lot of pain! If you don't want to put him to sleep, maybe you could at least go to the vet and get some medication that will make it more comfortable for him. I'm sure there are so many magical, wonderful moments you have shared together over the years. Don't let this interfere with those memories.

 

Thanks for the input, but it's already over and done with. He passed not too long after I started this topic.

 

*sigh* It's hard to believe it's already been almost a month. I still keep remembering that last night I spent with him, and wondering if I was wrong for not wanting him to be put to sleep. It especially gets to me at night/ early morning, when I'm trying to fall asleep, or still not quite "awake" in the morning.

 

I made a necklace-kinda thing out of his dog tags that I've been wearing every day. Helps to keep him close. It's weird, because I still smell him a lot, even in places I don't remember him being around in much. I don't know if it's just my imagination, or what.

[msara2217]

I have a 3 year old malamute mix that is seriously the love of my life. If it ever came down to choosing her or a girl, it would be her, lol. Point being-someone will have to peel me up off of the floor when she passes. It's hard...maybe even harder than losing a person in some ways (surely not all) because this is a living creature you are responsible for and depended on you for everything. But, your dog loved you, that much is for sure. He would want you to be happy, and would never want you to mourn forever for him.

 

Not to mention, dogs live in the moment. Your dog could never hate you (I think I read you wrote that at one point). Hate doesn't exist in a dog's world, in my opinion. Even dogs that are aggressive are only scared. Your dog loved you...there's a reason he looked to you for comfort. And you did everything you could for him. Just the fact that you're writing on here tells me so. I am a vet student, and in my experience, so many people could give a rat's a** about their pets.

 

It's hard man, I know. I have had to put pets down and talk to owners as I do so. It is like a parent losing their child prematurely.

 

A great veterinarian I used to work for said this to a client, and I find it to be very comforting:

 

A mother and little girl brought their dog into the vet when the time had come for him to pass from this life to the next. The girl looked up at the vet and asked "how come we get to live so long, and my dog has so little time here?" The vet looked down at her and said, "I believe that dogs don't stay here on earth as long as we do because they already have this world figured out. We are here long enough to understand the goodness God has created here. People are born good and may stray, and it may take a long time for us humans to realize what life is all about and how to treat everything God has created with respect. Dogs, on the other hand, are born good and stay good. They know the meaning of life and never forget. They are good through and through, and they don't need as much time as we do to understand why everyone is here. You dog has had it all figured out his entire life. And now he is with you tail wagging proudly behind him, and he will guide you toward the knowledge he had all along."

[msara2217]

Oh-and of course no worries about how it ended with him. He went in his home and I agree with you that is how it should be. For future reference (to everyone reading, not just the owner of this thread) there are vets who will come to your house and perform euthanasia there. If I am not the one to do it myself if that time ever comes for my own best friend, I will request the doctor to come to my house. I will definitely offer that service when I am out of school. It's the right way to do it.