sandrawg Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 So I finally got an explanation from him. He said that he's too selfish to be in a relationship. He said he doesn't know why he's like this, but he realized that he only looks out for himself. He said his attention and feelings were drifting away from me after he made that grand proclamation that he was falling in love with me, on New Years Eve. He said he started wanting his "personal life" back and decided he couldn't be "responsible for anyone else's wellbeing." His previous ex was an absentee LDR girlfriend -I had told him, I bet he was happier with her, because he didn't seem able to handle someone who might make demands of him, like people in actual REAL relationships do. He agreed. He said that, for what it was worth, he tried. He said the things we did together were special but that he can't expect someone to put up with his distracted attitude and shifting emotions. I don't know if I'd consider it an act of maturity that he wrote all this down, or if it just shows a very deep IMMATURITY. All I do know is, I am better off without him. His last words were "My last thought is this: I do want you to be happy. Simply that. I want you to be happy." I told him, I am happy. I'm a happy person in general. I have a lot going for me and am happy with myself. Maybe one day he can get to that point and work on his issues. Maybe then he'll be a wonderful partner. But..it'll be for someone else. I feel a lot better having gotten this closure. I don't regret breaking NC to get it. I knew that at some point, he'd feel a responsibiity to me to explain himself. He's not THAT much of a jerk. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's good you received some closure on the matter, many people don't. My ex was very similar, very selfish. She couldn't come around to say these things so just the fact he was able to is definitely kudos for him. Many people would rather stick to their guns and put blame on others rather than face the truth. He was honest in that respect and that should help you to move on knowing that he wasn't the right one for you. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 just some words (no actions at all) and you move him from jerk to not jerk ... Link to comment
duke nukem Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's good to see you know that you're better without him. You are. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Uh..if you've followed my previous posts, I don't WANT any actions from him. I'm not like a lot of people on here-I truly don't want him back. Someone rejects me, that's it. I'm done. just some words (no actions at all) and you move him from jerk to not jerk ... Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I don't think he'll ever have a healthy relationship until he grows out of this. But maybe selfishness is something you don't grow out of? I dunno. It's good you received some closure on the matter, many people don't. My ex was very similar, very selfish. She couldn't come around to say these things so just the fact he was able to is definitely kudos for him. Many people would rather stick to their guns and put blame on others rather than face the truth. He was honest in that respect and that should help you to move on knowing that he wasn't the right one for you. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I don't think he'll ever have a healthy relationship until he grows out of this. But maybe selfishness is something you don't grow out of? I dunno. It's just a matter of priorities. Chances are this will follow him from relationship to relationship until his priorities change and he's able to meet others needs rather than just ask the question, "What's in it for me to make the effort?". The best things in life take effort, some people just need time to realize that. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yup. He's young still/. I don't think he's figured it out. And I was a pretty good girlfriend..we had an amazing connection and chemistry. Someday he might regret all this. It's just a matter of priorities. Chances are this will follow him from relationship to relationship until his priorities change and he's able to meet others needs rather than just ask the question, "What's in it for me to make the effort?". The best things in life take effort, some people just need time to realize that. Link to comment
rigguy Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Don't know your story but as an observation cheating exes or exes with replacement in sight often blame selfishness or want to be selfish which is for all intent and purpose is a correct statement. They just can't say that they found someone better suited, which is cool, but they don't want to appear heartless in the eyes of mutual friends ect. Don't be surprised and its good you are done with the whole thing Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 You mean..don't be surprised if he ends up with someone else...yup. Already thought of that. Don't know your story but as an observation cheating exes or exes with replacement in sight often blame selfishness or want to be selfish which is for all intent and purpose is a correct statement. They just can't say that they found someone better suited, which is cool, but they don't want to appear heartless in the eyes of mutual friends ect. Don't be surprised and its good you are done with the whole thing Link to comment
rigguy Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yep, took me few months to figure it out, your are set if your already there Wish a swift recovery for you ... cheers Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Sorry that happened to you. It sucks. What he said about "my feelings and attention were drifting away from you" and "all I could think about was my personal life"...I mean, you don't start feeling that way out of nowhere. One day it's "I think I'm falling in love with you", the next, your attention's drifting away? Seems like a clue someone else may have been in the picture. Yep, took me few months to figure it out, your are set if your already there Wish a swift recovery for you ... cheers Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I think that a lot of people, when they break up, already have somebody else in their sights. It could just be that someone else has slightly interested them but that's my opinion. Think how a lot of the people on here, myself included, are scared about being able to meet someone else, I think our exes must have had that thought too but something (perhaps a lot of self-confidence) or someone convinced them that this wouldn't be a problem. Link to comment
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