stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Hi guys, I met a wonderful girl this past weekend and had the most amazing time, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met and she did everything she could to make sure I had a good weekend. It wasn't your normal 1st date as we live nearly 4 hours apart hence seeing her for the weekend but I feel smitten, I don't think she feels the same but then again I'm probably the only idiot who falls in love after 1 day. I'm already feeling broken because it is unlikely ill see her again. Is there anyone out there who's Like me or can offer advice on how I can stop breaking my own heart???? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Not me - it takes me months of getting to know someone. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Pl3asehelp, I envy you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 You are smitten -- it is the chemicals of lust in the brain. It isn't love --- love takes time, and trust, and a whole bunch more. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 It's easy and you could do it too. First in your personal definition of love you need to include things such as a persons values and character which take a long time to REALLY discover. People always present themselves somewhat differently from who they actually are and when you first meet them, you're getting their version. You need to take the time necessary to see them from all angles so you can develop your own version. Then decide if that's attractive. Link to comment
Tranquillo Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Yes, you can fall in love after just one weekend, depending on how long you spent with each other, the type of interaction together, what you know of each other before/after. But then again, love has a different meaning for different people. Most would say, you're infatuated right now because of her beauty, her giving you a good time, and the romance of it all (not ever seeing her again etc). To stop breaking your own heart, try to be a more realistic in life. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks guys, how do I control these feelings of a broken heart? Any ideas? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 You stop giving it away in just one weekend. Lust is not a bad thing, nor infatuation. But value your heart a bit more and don't be so eager to give it away. Your heart isn't broken from this woman --- but your infatuation is dying due to lack of being together. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks mhowe, that makes sense, giving away my however seems to be out of my control. Link to comment
Tranquillo Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Why don't you try to find her again Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks mhowe, that makes sense, giving away my however seems to be out of my control. Since you say you don't think she feels the same way, I have to ask: who is in control of your heart? Because the only answer is you. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 I know where she is, its my issues that are the problem, I just feel so devastated, its pathetic really, I'm a grown man of nearly 40 Link to comment
Musical77 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Hi Steve I would echo others here. I think the fact you asked the question, shows that you are aware that perhaps it is unusual to fall in love so quickly. I don't doubt it doesn't happen - my best friend fell in love with someone very quickly. Believe it or not, he told her he loved her on the first date! This would have set alarm bells ringing for me and I'd probably have run for the hills! I still think it was weird and not really true. I personally don't think you can love someone instantly. I think you can have a gut feeling about someone, like 'this feels really right'........'I feel like I've known this person for ages'..........'I feel really attracted'............'wow - I feel a real connection', etc, etc. Lust, attraction, connection, compatability - yes. Love - in my opinion - no. But guess what happened to my friend? Yes, they got married 18 months later and are now expecting their first baby! I still don't understand in any shape or form how he could have loved her when he didn't yet know her, but there you go! I know you mentioned before that you went on a couple of dates with someone and you felt like you do now. Maybe your heart still needs to heal a little more from your previous relationship? Perhaps this is why you are feeling such overwhelming feelings? Just a thought. Take care xxx Link to comment
Musical77 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Maybe you should write in a journal what love means to you? What is it? I think you know in your heart that you don't love this girl. Maybe you are just feeling you need to love and be loved right now x Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Maybe musical, maybe.... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Maybe musical, maybe.... Definitely. What you had in a weekend was lust and or infatuation. I think it would help you to write down what love, lust, and infatuation mean to you so it's easier for you to recognize each when you feel them so you can act accordingly. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 She just called me to call it off, I was to full on. Very very gutted. When will I learn my lesson, I'm so upset and angry with myself Link to comment
stevef20 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 She just called me to call it off, I was to full on. Very very gutted. When will I learn my lesson, I'm so upset and angry with myself Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 oh steve I am sorry ... the thing is mate ...it freaks people out ..it is lovely to read someone so honest and full of love .. but ... the rest of us usually need a bit more time . as for believing in love that soon ....yes with my ex , but we had been friends for a year , and then it took a few more weeks to suddenly feel that "in love" feeling ....when something has changed inside and it just bowls you over .. never with anyone else though. for us ..women I mean cos I can't speak for you geezers . ... when a man comes on strong straight away it can feel quite daunting ...it almost takes some of the journey away when it all happens in a short space of time. those early days are exciting and full of wonderment at where its going and the ever changing experiences you keep having... the longing for more ...the lust that builds and the spiritual connection you start to make .. its a fab place to be steve ... and you should enjoy these early days ...not fear them ...build up your self confidence and trust that you can have fun and enjoy the journey ...the dating and the excitement of it all ...without a mention of love. you already anticipated she would do this ...so you knew you had gone to far , so maybe reflect on that . I hope your ok , you was very kind to me when I joined this site steve and I wish much happiness for you. Link to comment
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