Romance the second time

[jmh1216]

If your ex fell in love with you partly because you were really sweet and romantic, and then you make some mistakes... and lose her... she's not going to believe that romantic stuff again, is she? She'd probably interpret anything romantic I say or do as an indication that I'm weak and unable to move on. Or else, she'll just think it's nonsense, because we've been through all that romantic stuff before...

 

I've been thinking about this, and wondering if there's a way around it. Can I be subtly romantic in a way that wouldn't lead her to assume that I was *trying* to be romantic? Just really friendly and sweet, and not expecting anything in return? Are there any gestures I could make that wouldn't come off as romantic (or even sucking up...) I read about a lot of people who want to send their exes flowers -- that's out of the question for me -- I want whatever I do to come off as natural...

[Mix Maxster]

Ok if you're suggesting trying to be your romantic self in hopes that she will in some way feel appreciated or loved for it and somehow try to talk to you about the situation than no. If you're saying that you want to be romantic because you two are still together than there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Now why ISN'T that a good idea? Because ANYTHING you do is being analyzed. She broke up with you or you broke up with her, either way a wall has NOW BEEN raised. Anything you used to do won't work because she had already received or seen that the first time and if she might think that YOU'RE THINKING if you do something that she'll come back to you. In other words ANY gifts, romantic things, poems, anything written, any songs, CD's, pretty much ANYTHING in the form of something physical can be seen as MANIPULATIVE. Why? Because "You just don't get it!" If you can't see why that stuff is now seen manipulative in her eyes, than your hopes of getting her back diminish each time you do any of those things.

 

My two cents.

[jmh1216]

I totally agree. I already said I wouldn't want to do anything overtly romantic, and I would include poems, songs, etc in that category. I do think she'd perceive any of that as manipulative.

 

I was just thinking about ways to be romantic without being romantic,' if that's even possible. Whatever it is would have to be way toned down, and she'd almost have to fail to notice it on a conscious level... because the more she *notices* it, the more she will analyse it. She'd probably have to assume that it's just part of who I am... (and that's not being manipulative, because it really IS part of who I am).

 

I don't know exactly what I'm getting at. Maybe there is absolutely nothing I can do except be nice, listen to her, and appreciate her. And maybe that would be 'romantic' enough...

[Mix Maxster]

jmh1216 said: I don't know exactly what I'm getting at. Maybe there is absolutely nothing I can do except be nice, listen to her, and appreciate her. And maybe that would be 'romantic' enough..

 

Actually ya, that is good

[shockeddismayed]

You know we guys usually just don't get it.

 

9 times out of 10, the girl didn't break up with us b/c we stopped giving her flowers. She broke up with us b/c we stopped giving her "the look", "the smile", or the "how was your day, and I really mean it".

 

The only romantic stuff you can do.... and you can only do this IF she wants to see you and IF she is already considering coming back... is to pick up where you should have been in the months before the breakup. If it was a long relationship, it likely isn't the overt romance that you messed up at, it was the EVERY DAY emotional fulfillment that made her feel like the most special girl in the world.

 

Girls... please correct me if I am wrong here.

[fantasia2004]

9 times out of 10, the girl didn't break up with us b/c we stopped giving her flowers. She broke up with us b/c we stopped giving her "the look", "the smile", or the "how was your day, and I really mean it".

 

And the guys; they stop dating us and eventually they breakup with us because we stop giving them the look, treat them like a king and make them feel appreciated.

 

Us girls try to get it too but sometimes to no avail.