bananashake Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 when you BU, many people have to go thru the stages of grieving before they heal. this is also true when someone passes away. The stages are: Denial anger bargaining depression acceptance I am confused about bargaining. would an example of bargaining be, for instance,you call the ex and say u are sorry and u have learned a lot from your mistakes? Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 bargaining to me is where you would consider things like FWB or a friendship (too soon) when that really is not what you want nor in your best interest. You start considering trade offs to stay connected to them. Link to comment
Hellhound1 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I'd say it was a mix of bargaining and Denial. You have to accept that it didn't work for a reason. I'm pretty sure I went through the first 4 at the same time before I hit acceptance. Link to comment
mg22 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 gosh i think i started out with the Depression stage, iam in anger right now and iam starting to accept its over forever ! Link to comment
Sara1970 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Where is the 'crazy' stage on that list? I definitely remember going through a crazy stage. Link to comment
dbhustla Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 when you BU, many people have to go thru the stages of grieving before they heal. this is also true when someone passes away. The stages are: Denial anger bargaining depression acceptance I am confused about bargaining. would an example of bargaining be, for instance,you call the ex and say u are sorry and u have learned a lot from your mistakes? well your right and the calls that you know you wished you ended up not making. saying" ill do this and that to make THEM happy". Or" please give me one more chance to prove to you" ive changed", or the infamous "i know what i can do diffrent"... or" i still love you" , please "i promise i can make you happy".. "i love you, your my other half"..thats just a few but whats the common denominator in most of those?? they all start with "I" when you have to prove so much or sacrafice your own happiness to please someone else just to even wanna consier to be with you its time to say goodbye. that is my oppion anyways. i think im in the depression walking into the acceptance stage. today is the first day ive actually feel somewhat normal, and happy. i was laughing and joking at work, and im very excited that my old flame is coming over tonight!! i dont wanna jinx myself but i like where i am today with my mind , body, and soul. Link to comment
CindyTime Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Where is the 'crazy' stage on that list? I definitely remember going through a crazy stage. LOL Yeah me too. I have been back and forth through the first 4 - it can vary by the hour or day. I'm trying to get to acceptance, but that's the tough one. It's like a sliver of silver lining just over the hill. I can see it, like the beginning of a sunrise, but I'm not quite close enough to see it all. More work I guess. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Where is the 'crazy' stage on that list? I definitely remember going through a crazy stage. So true! I was definitely in that stage for a while!! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Where is the 'crazy' stage on that list? I definitely remember going through a crazy stage. That is probably denial, anger and bargaining together. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Bargaining is when you and your ex say you're friends and have superficial conversations until one of you mentions you met someone and the other person loses it. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 Bargaining is when you and your ex say you're friends and have superficial conversations until one of you mentions you met someone and the other person loses it. ok, ok, ok!!! Now I get it. I think I am at the acceptance stage, but the very beginning of the acceptance stage. This makes me realize HE was never over his exW. He used to hate her, and then he became bff's with her and her boyfriend, while talking behind her boyfriend back (barganing?). When she announced she was pregnant, he said he was happy for her, but he seemed really down in the dumps (depression setting in?). Anyway, poor guy has been divorced almost 4 years and still isn't over her. He's been divorced longer than their marriage. Matters of the heart are so complicated. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 gosh i think i started out with the Depression stage, iam in anger right now and iam starting to accept its over forever ! THIS DEPRESSION STAGE NEARLY KILLED ME.... I lost 12 pounds in a month...barely ate, slept too much...then not at all....I never really felt the anger, I just never felt it - I was too sad I guess...never had a chance at the bargaining stage- I went strict no contact from day 1. I am on the tail end of the depression phase now....starting to eat, sleeping more than 3 hours a night....it does get better. Just wish my heart didn't ache like it still does.... Link to comment
Zack808 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 You have to also realize that the stages intertwine with one another. It's true that you can take a step back and then go back to the stage where you left off. It's weird. I thought I was in acceptance then for some reason I stepped back to depression/denial now i'm back in acceptance again. It's a roller coaster ride but you just have to realize you just have to go through it to move on. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 You have to also realize that the stages intertwine with one another. It's true that you can take a step back and then go back to the stage where you left off. It's weird. I thought I was in acceptance then for some reason I stepped back to depression/denial now i'm back in acceptance again. It's a roller coaster ride but you just have to realize you just have to go through it to move on. Painfully accurate..... Link to comment
gluestick Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 You have to also realize that the stages intertwine with one another. It's true that you can take a step back and then go back to the stage where you left off. It's weird. I thought I was in acceptance then for some reason I stepped back to depression/denial now i'm back in acceptance again. It's a roller coaster ride but you just have to realize you just have to go through it to move on. So true, so true. I had the same experience where I've reached acceptance, then months/weeks later fall back into depression, then back again. Link to comment
SuperSyn Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 It typically goes up and down.. often times I'm not even sure what "stage" I'm at. I swear I think the depression stage lasts longer than any of the other ones. Link to comment
CindyTime Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 So true, so true. I had the same experience where I've reached acceptance, then months/weeks later fall back into depression, then back again. Same here....I experienced that with my divorce. The good news is that the fall back periods slowly decreased and one day I found myself completely/totally in acceptance for good - and never went back again. But the timetable is different for everyone. Link to comment
blueplanet22 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 What constitutes as depression? I've had really depression, the kind that has nothing to do with a BU just the kind where you have the chemical imbalance. Would it be fair to say that it isn't "Depression" per say and more being low, feeling low for alot (of course some do suffer depression as a result of a BU). I ask cause I have felt low, tearful but not depressed, depression is where your world in its entirity seems black and there just is no hope for anything and you just do not care or want to be alive. Been there done that, came though the other end, so this BU in comparison to that battle, nothing really. I do want to be alive, I am getting past this just 11 days on, I might have a dip, I might shed a tear or two but fook him, honestly. If they don't want you, go find someone else that does and will treasure you. I am not going to sit in hiding and feeling low. Life is too short. I agree with the above poster, that you do flip flop in between stages, sometimes daily sometimes hourly, sometimes from moment to moment as one minute I am angry, the other I'm a little sad, the other I've accepted its over. Link to comment
Sanders24 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I myself am going through all stages (except denial) on a daily basis for 2 months now. So basically this list exists only to give you info what kind of emotions can you expect during post-BU, but thats about it. No order in it. Link to comment
MarmiteCrumpet Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Bargaining is when you and your ex say you're friends and have superficial conversations until one of you mentions you met someone and the other person loses it. I was at that stage ten days ago...when I found out my ex has been seeing someone for the past couple of months (at least). All the while, we have been having those "superficial conversations", with the uspoken hope of reconciling. Well, not exactly unspoken as he used to say "never say never"... Git. Link to comment
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