How do you find out if your girlfriend is cheating on you?

[Sprintman]

What is a good way to figure out if your girlfriend is cheating on you or has cheated on you. Like good questions or ways.

[Coyote_the_trickster]

there are no good ways to ask...most get guys hit lol

[theghost]

there are no good ways to ask...most get guys hit lol

 

what?

[Coyote_the_trickster]

there are no good ways to ask...most get guys hit lol

 

what?

 

I was just saying there are no clever ways to go about this subject, when guys ask, most times then not...it ends bad...

[AzurePhoenix]

Yes there are some red flags.

 

It depends upon how the woman (or man) deals with the internal conflict of having cheated on thier boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife. The worse situation is that they have no compulsion about it in which case there is no behavioral change at all.

 

Behavioral change. If your spouse becomes either very attached suddenly to you or suddenly very detached to you.

 

Look for sudden changes in how they make love.

 

If you have an open communication just ask them. "I am getting the sense that you have been intimate with someone else.. do you want to talk about this?" If they get immediately angry and turn it around on you that you are somehow wrong to ask the question, or how could you think that? .. then you can bet that they are hiding something or conversely they are an abusive person.

 

The right answer back is a something along the lines of "No I have not, what would make you think that".. and then to reassure you that everthing is fine.

 

 

~AzurePhoenix

[sisterlynch]

Phenix is right, you are taking a chance by accusing someone of something. Are there little things here and there, like their mood is suddenly elivated for no reason and then they get angry and sullen for no reason? That would be a sign.

 

If they are really bubbly about a new guy that they just met, then they seem aloof from you all of a sudden. You may notice that they are walking differently, more energy, more confidence.

 

If they are extemely sexual all of a sudden, not related to you or anything else that you know of, sudden mood swings, anger, aggression, aggitation, these are all signs that things aren't ok with the person.

 

Cussing in new ways, using different forms of language. Worrying suddenly about how they look and taking care of them self much more so then normal, buying new clothes, any thing that seems like a compulsion to them that they try and hide or don't want to talk about.

 

Any other new or weird behavior or emotions.

 

How do you say it without, getting "hit" or insulting the person?

 

What is up with you lately? Why are you spending so much time doing "x" whatever the new thing is, hiding with the phone, being untalkative, being unavailable.

 

Look at the person closely and try and look for signs that they are lying, their voice changes they seem to not know what to say, what is the right response. They will most likely lie, so be prepared to make things go ok, don't do it in public, do it at home, do it where others are available to act as a wittness if you feel like it could be violent.

 

Different voices: the phone convo with the basketball star, Kobe Bryant, who is saying, he never slept with that woman---compare it to more natural lyars like Clinton and Scott Peterson the man on trial for killing his wife. Both Clinton and Petterson knew how to lie. Kobe on the other hand is much more typical of how a normal person "sounds" when caught in a lie. Also figure out the truth, before you accuse the person of anything.

[annieo]

If you have the feeling she has cheated trust your instincts, then snoop. Check cell phone records, internet history, look around. If you don't live together that will be tough. The thing is if you just ask she can deny. If she would cheat then of course she would also lie. Good luck to you.

[mscolly]

Be honest. That's the way to do it. And that means saying to your girlfriend what you feel and almost nothing more. You have no hard facts that say she is cheating, you have at most indications that make you suspicious. All you can do is say how you feel, and what you think triggers these feelings. Please note, everything you say has 'I' as the subject, not 'you'.

 

To be totally pragmatic, there are essentially three cases (with many shades of grey and degrees of various sorts:

 

1. She hasn't cheated and your suspicions are completely unfounded;

2. She has cheated, but basically it was an accident, a temporary error, a lapse;

3. She has cheated or is cheating, it's not an accident, it's taking advantage of your good nature, your ignorance, it's having your cake and eating it too.

 

In the first case, she'll possibly be hurt, but hopefully will understand.

 

In the third case, she's a cheater, a liar, a false person. You may not catch her out this time, but eventually you will. If nothing else, she doesn't care about your feelings, and that must come out over time in lots of other ways. Your relationship is dead, and perhaps never really existed. You can't hide something like that forever.

 

The hardest case is the second. Perhaps she'll tell you, perhaps she won't. But if it was just an accident, an error (that perhaps even lasted months, I'm not just talking about a one night thing), she may not tell you to not hurt you. She may tell you (eventually) to not have anything hidden between you. But if she considers it an error, that means you're no. 1, you're the most important person for her. And if that's true, all the rest pales into insignificance. We're all human, we make mistakes, we're flawed. If you're her no. 1 though, even if she tells you she cheated, I hope you find it in you to forgive.

 

Snooping is a big error. It makes you feel bad about yourself, esp. if you don't find anything. The most likely scenario is that you'll find something ambiguous, something that fuels your suspicions without confirming them. You may find something that confirms your suspicions, but if you use what you found, everything is over. You can't trust her, but she can't trust you either to leave some space for her own life. Even the second case above will be dead on arrival. Don't snoop, you have more to lose than you might gain.

[caliboy]

I just had a comment about confronting her about the possibility of cheating and the type of response you would get from her. The frist couple times you confront her about the issue or give her a sense that you may be interrogating her (and she's not cheating) she may tell you she's not and reassure you. But if you keep bringing up the issue, she will start to get frustrated with you. Don't let this confuse you into thinking there's something going on because her frustration is with you and not because she may be lying.

 

Basically, the more you interrogate her, the more frustrated she'll get with you for always accusing her of something/making her feel guilty of something and this frustration is not because she's lying.

[moleculo]

I just flat out asked but I did have evidence in my side...if you have a close enough relationship where you can ask that with little consequence, go for it.

 

Otherwise, just keep your eye out for her behavior. Is it unusual?