feeling much better and I credit this site for that!!

[bananashake]

I am starting to see my ex in a different light. You see, I always saw red flags with him, but I disregarded them, thinking things would be different, that he has learned from his past and has grown. He did not treat me very well, but I always blamed myself. And I blamed myself for saying some horrible, but true, things to him during the BU. If I hadn't said something about the way he treats his kids, we'd probably be together now, but he cut all contact after I let him know I how I really feel. I guess the truth hurts?

 

Anyway, I have numerous threads on here about him and our BU. I am truly thankful that I could let out all my confusion, hopes, etc out. I tried to give the honest and unbiased truth ab my situation to get honest feedback from everyone.

 

The thing that I now realize is "character is character. And character rarely changes." Someone on a thread of mine posted that. Think about this. Think about what your exSO has done to you and how he/she has acted. It's their character. And history usually does repeat itself!! Don't go there. See them for who they really are, for their character, and maybe that will help u move on.

 

Today is the start of a new life for me. I am finally happy to have gotten rid of the garbage. I'm happy that I was honest during our breakup. I'm happy that I get to start fresh. I am a really gooood person with a big heart and I have a lot going on for myself. I will find someone else.

[JA0371]

That's awesome B...don't be shocked if you have a few more setbacks before his attitude really sticks. We all go through the ups and downs. I am. Yesterday I had an amazing day...and hopefully that will continue. But I have had a few setbacks emotionally. If and when it happens, don't beat yourself up. Just work your way through it and be patient.

So glad to hear you are feeling better though. Hold onto that power!!!

[wannadoitright]

This is so true. I experienced this very recently with my last ex. He kept telling me how all his exes were so selfish and never understood how busy he is. 3 months into the relationship I knew that I was fighting a lost battle with a man who believes every woman he dates has to adapt to HIS own lifestyle (which includes going long periods without communication). The stories he told me about his exes gave me the courage to know he would treat me no differently and end it promptly.

 

I'm glad to know you're doing great! Hugs!

[Bluezilla]

Wow what you just said is helpful to me too. Thanks.

[WilliamBlake]

I have been gaining a little perspective myself within the last couple days. Yesterday, I decided to make a list of the traits I have to offer someone:

 

1) Honest

2) Committed

3) Passionate

4) Affectionate

5) Stable

6) Communicative

7) Reliable

 

Based on what I have learned during my breakup, it is not clear to me what my ex has to offer from this list. A friend of mine told me that you learn who someone truly is through a breakup and I am now able to see what he is talking about. I have never been hurt more by anyone in my life, so why have I been pining for this person over the last 4 months? I am still trying to figure that one out and I feel I am starting to gain some clarity.

 

---

 

Never seek to tell thy love,

Love that never told can be;

For the gentle wind doth move

Silently, invisibly.

 

I told my love, I told my love,

I told her all my heart,

Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears.

Ah! she did depart!

 

Soon after she was gone from me,

A traveller came by,

Silently, invisibly:

He took her with a sigh.

 

-William Blake

[pippy longstocking]

banana ...your fabulous xx