What do you do when you've broken someone's heart.

[Always Hopeful]

Most of the time, you look at heartache from your own viewpoint, i.e., how your heart was broken and ripped apart. Let's assume that your heart was broken, chances are you probably broke your ex's heart as well. I guess I am trying to look at the possibilities of what happened in my recent relationship, and how this relationship broke apart.

 

We both cared for each other as friends and did not expect to fall in love, but we both did. It was intense and, for a brief time, we were happy. However, for many reasons, it did not work out. When it ended, it ended badly, to the point where we were uncomfortable with each other. I think that at one point she couldn't stand me anymore, and I wished that she would just go away. Too many arguments. Too many misunderstandings. Miscommunication and jealousy, it was all there. I told her that she was cruel, mean and hurtful. She said that no one in her life had hurt her as much as I had.

 

For the past few months, I guess I looked upon the situation as "how she did this that and the other to me." I still believe that she was insensitive and in numerous ways cruel in her actions toward me. Although she told me that she loved me, her actions came from some subconscious or conscious part of her which told her "you really don't love him and so create some distance in whatever way possible." I am not crazy, I really do believe she tried to be cruel, and was cruel but even more so because in many ways she really didn't know how much she was hurting me.

 

But a strange thing has come over me recently. I don't long for her anymore. She hurt me, and so I don't care too much about people who hurt me, and I am not much for "getting her back" or "getting revenge." But her friendship was very warm and valuable, and I would like to capture that somehow. Feelings are too raw right now, but I would like to pave the road back to friendship as a long term plan. Why? I think my perception has changed. We are both good people so we both must have done something to cause the current state of affairs. So what to do? The way I see it now, we both caused each other heartache, so how do you fix that?

 

I guess my question is, what can you do to mend the heart of those you may have broken?

[SwingFox]

Hi Always Hopeful,

 

I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. I see that you are in the process of evaluating what went wrong and what to do now.

 

I am not sure if there is something to do. For both of you time will heal all wounds. Sometimes people are too different and it's just impossible to put your finger on what really caused the pain and/or the trouble or what went really wrong.

 

You said that you still would like to have her friendship. I am not sure if that is possible. I am sure that it's gonna be hard, though. The problems that you will have to overcome is 'trust' among other things. Are you going to trust her again and I mean really trust her. My suggestion is to make sure that you're both gonna be fine first and then after that ... in a few months ... you try to see what's still left.

 

I wish you strength and luck in your healing process. You're over halfways now, because you said you don't long her anymore or that you want to get her back. Those are good signs.

 

~ SwingFox ~