Male/ Female Double-Standards

[OceanEyes]

I want to know how everyone feels about some of these topics. Feel free to post honestly here, and we'll see if we can't try to understand everything.

 

The first and most obvious double-standard

 

Man sleeps around = STUD.

 

Woman sleeps around = promiscuous or trampy.

 

I hate this double-standard. I still hear my male friends referring to women who jump into bed with guys as tramps. However, they'll go out on the weekend and sleep with the first girl who will have them, and the other guys will pat them on the back? In this day in age, why can't women sleep with who they want and not have society judge them?

 

Second Double-Standard

 

I saw this one posted in [link removed thread .

 

Why is it, that when a man makes a bold advance towards a woman that he's considered romantic, but when a woman does something similar, she's considered clingy or desperate?

 

Any and all opinions welcome!

[lunatic]

Well I know that women are held to a different standard then men. I mean guys are told by hormones and by peers to sleep around(spread his seed). I think women are told different from childhood to wait till marriage.

 

I agree with you on the double standard here and I would be pissed if I was a female too. I can honestly say that if someone sleeps with me on the first date I don't judge her because of it. Your right it is not a fair standard and in this day and age it should have disappeared by now.

 

I think a man wants a honorable woman to bring home to the family and a tramp in bed. I am all for this too because I have problems with uptight women.

 

By the way, I like a woman who is bold in her approach to me. I like it when a woman approaches me and makes the first move.

 

Hubman 8)

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Well, I really don't know about double standards. I view anyone that sleeps around unfavorably, and would love for a woman to take a little initiative.

 

How about this double standard? Women want to be completely equal with men. What if the next step was to have every woman between 18 and 35 register for the draft? The ones that have enlisted aren't allowed to be in a combat zone… I have yet to hear a woman complain that they are healed to a different standard on that one.

 

I'm not trying to be chauvinistic or anything. It's just a little food for thought.

[7CardStud]

Don't know if this is a dbl standard, but it's def. annoying...

 

Myself, having a car, and having to pay for insuarance, which is quite a lot... Even though i have a 3.9 GPA, and I have never been in a accident, yet I know girls that have a GPA of under 3.0 and have been caught speeding, who still have LOWER insurance costs....

 

This makes me kinda mad, if everyone is supposed to be treated equally, then why do they get special treatment? I can tell u they say its because men get in more accidents, but I seriously doubt thats true nowadays (sorry)... But if you look at 16 year old driver's... The guys would be a lot better at driving then the girls, specially the parking... lol... Don't know why girls can't park that well, NOT ALL, but a lot have trouble. I once had to parrellel park one of my friends car, because she couldn't do it (How did she get her license?)

 

Sorry for the short rant felt good though

[drahcir]

I believe theres is no double standard. I have never seen people who sleep around get more praise and popularity than people who don't, regardless of their sex. Both people who sleep around and people who don't get liked and disliked, no matter if they do and what their sex is.

 

Also, I have NEVER even heard of any girls being described as "clingy" because they are bold and pursue men (rather than the other way round). Maybe my experience is unrepresentative, but even so I can't imagine anyone being stigmitized for pursuing someone they love, as long as they do so in a respectful manner.

[ComputerGuy]

God...I must be strange then cause I dont agree with guys sleeping around any more than women. I think sex is something special and intimate, so its not something I view as a casual activity.

 

As for the romatic one....I WISH a girl would make an advance like that, I'm sick of being the one with the responsibility to ask the girl out, ask what she wants to do, come up with the iseas. It'd be nice for a girl to approach me for a change, or if I was in a relationship, for them to organise a surprise, or a night out or whatever every now and then.

 

The one that gets me is the car one.....I don't have a car cause I had to sell it when I moved, and Im not in a position to get anoither one just yet. This seems to be a major deciding factor in whether a guy is worth having as a b/f or not. I mean, OK, its definitely convenient, but why is it such a big deal. I mean it's not like I enjoy not having a car and that I choose to not have one....just I cant really do much about it at the moment.

[tiger_lilies]

I slept with a new guy on the first date for the first time in my life just about a month ago. We've been dating ever since and sex is a big factor in our "get togethers". I freaked out a bit after the first date because of the double standard thing. I was obviously worried that he viewed me as a (insert many different variety of words here) and wasn't sure if it was just a one night stand.

 

But he's made genuine effort to continue seeing me (whew!) Especially since I really wanted to see him again.

 

So this double standard thing does piss me off (Hubman, you're so lucky to be a male)...even the man I'm dating stated that it's more difficult to be a woman becuase of this double standard thing. (We talked about the first night and he's been very gentlemanly about it)

 

Correcting this social double standard is probably impossible...unless people start actually believing that women are more liberated these days. Can't teach an old dog new tricks!

[Scout]

Hmm, some interesting points brought up here. Here's my take on a few of them...

 

Tramps vs. Studs - actually, I think this double standard isn't as bad as it used to be. Or else, how could a show like "Sex and the City" resonate with so many people? I mean, these women celebrated their sexuality! I think that show did a lot to open the eyes of many people.

 

Insurance rates - I am a female and have astronomical rates based on two lousy tickets. I'm told if I was married, my rates would be lower! THAT PISSES ME OFF. Talk about discrimination. The insurance industry as a whole does so much discrimination and profiling based on gender, marital status, credit, and neighborhoods - stuff that would be illegal in almost any other industry. Why do our State Insurance Commissions allow this??

 

Drafted for the war: well, I don't want to go to war, and I don't want anyone to have to go to war if they don't want to. So I'm against the draft for anyone, regardless of their gender. I want equal rights that men have regarding equal pay for equal work, and no sexual harassment in the workplace.

 

Are men and women "equal"? Yes, but we're still different on many levels. Our communication styles are different, our bodies are different...but that doesn't justify double standards. I think society is slowly easing up on some of these double standards, though. Yeah, they still exist, but no where near as bad as they used to be.

[Day_Walker]

The reason there is a double standard is because it is tolerated in society as a whole. If society happened to change their standards so that anybody who sleeps around is whorish the it would be more accurate. Another issue is that females will tolerate a guy who has slept with a large amount of women (whatever their reasons maybe which are numerous). Men seem aprehensive about a female who has slept with a large amout of guys (in the general sense). If you are willing to accept a person for their past indicretions then you are saying its okay for them to have slept with a large amount of people (or any other past discretion). Outwardly you may believe its wrong to have had sex with a large amount of people but when it becomes a personal issue then you accept the person. If you dont want to perpetuate the double standard then make it a point not to deal with people who sleep with a lot of people. Double standards like this are tolerated because societies perception is inaccurate, so in other words look at the situation and make an accurate assesment.

[Scout]

If you dont want to perpetuate the double standard then make it a point not to deal with people who sleep with a lot of people.

 

huh? i don't get what you mean here. If people snub others that have slept around, isn't that perpetuating the double standard?

 

Anyway, my view on double-standards is that some people will always have them. My advice to everyone is to gleefully thumb your nose at anyone who would judge you for behavior that isn't harmful to others (unless you're having unprotected sex) and do what the hell you feel like doing.

[OceanEyes]

Nice replies! I just got home from work to see three pages of replies to this topic. Obviously women aren't the only ones who are feeling like they are on the losing end of double-standards.

 

Guys, I can understand that you're upset that you have to pay more for insurance for your car, and I'll be the first woman to admit that I've seen some very lousy women drivers out there. However, I still feel that elderly drivers are worse than any other driver on the road, maybe even one who's had one too many beers!

 

I have heard from the mouths of way too many guys that they feel women who sleep with even a couple of guys as promiscuous. You simply can't tell me otherwise, and even though you may not have the same ideals/ views, a lot of guys most certainly DO.

 

But I read an article not long ago about women's bodies being a temple and that women these days tend to give it away too easily. But then you can say like "oh why can't women have fun and men can?".

 

A woman is not 'giving away' her body, she's allowing you to have access to it temporarily. Just because a woman has sex with someone, it doesn't mean she's 'giving herself away'. She's still going to be the same person afterwards!!

 

Also, "these days" are not like the days of the past. Women are not waiting for marriage and sex usually mainly for the purpose of procreation anymore. Most women I know, especially around my age, are taking care of themselves and don't want to pop out kids and be a wife right away.

[Shidoshi]

In my opinion I'm afraid "these days" are very much like the past, its just not as outwardly obvious as before (though some things have definitely changed, especially with women being more independent). Even though people say there shouldn't be double standards and women are as capable as men in many areas, most men and women simply will not allow it. Almost all my male life I've seen guys who sleep with a good number of women as players, pimps, or just guys who get the job done and leave the women wanting more. Sadly, its these guys who the women want, atleast for the most part. Not really for the specific amount of women they've slept with, but for their "experience."

 

You don't hear a lot of men say it aloud, especially in this day and age because it is politically incorrect, but men do not want women as their equals. Sure, you may hear a guy or two say that you are, but trust me, deep inside it couldn't be further from the truth. If you could hear what most men say about women behind closed doors you'd have a pretty good idea what I'm talking about. Some guys will even say it just to get into your pants, but thats among many other things that would be used in that type of situation.

 

Society is set up in such a way as to make women themselves submit to this ideal, even if they aren't fully aware of it on a conscious level. I myself feel that women are equally as intelligent as men, but we are so different in our ways of thinking, yet very similar, does that make any sense?

[OceanEyes]

Oh yes, the dreaded "behind closed doors" conversations that men have. I've been around for many of those, since I used to live in a house with four males. Believe me, I don't try to fool myself into believing that what men say should be taken to heart.

 

One conversation in particular, relating to this topic comes to mind. One night we were sitting around having a few beers and the guys started talking about their careers and how they want things to go in life. They all admitted that they thought the only way that a marriage would work is if the woman stayed home with the kids. I challenged this and they replied simply: "That's just the way it is". Well ok then!

 

I think male/ female double standards are also impacted a lot by your cultural background and your upbringing. I was raised by a strong female role model who always stressed the important things in life as being independent, outspoken, and never taking crap from a man. And since I started dating, I haven't.

 

I think double-standards will always exist, but I have to say, I could care less about what other people think about my choices. I'm sure there have been people who have disapproved of some of the things I've done and still do. If I allowed myself to be dragged down and affected negatively by everyone's opinions, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere in life. I give more respect and admiration to people who defy conformity and basically do exactly what they want (without hurting other people of course).

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

I HATE the double standard that

 

the Men: all respect me as the best man ever made in the entire world

 

BUT

 

The women: all love me for being the best man ever made in the entire world

 

 

the double standard is horrible!

 

 

[Mun]

I think that double standards will exist as long as women are the ones who get pregnant, make less money for same work as men, get less promotions than men, etc. Honestly, I don't want to be treated as a man. I love being a woman.

 

Ocean Eyes if a woman wants to sleep around then that is her choice. It's her body and her conscience and she is the one who has to live with it.

 

Personally, I would rather not because it leads to so many negative things. Low-self esteem comes to mind. Feeling like a "free" prostitute also comes to mind. Mind you this is my conscience speaking. We all handle situations differently. I may not be as strong as you are. I would rather be in a relationship with someone who cares about me. Besides I think the sex is so much better this way, you are comfortable and can experiment more.

 

I want to have wild, uninhibited sex but with my guy. Not the same with a hit and run situation.

 

I believe that when a man loves you he will overlook your past, his woman can do no wrong. If he respects you then he will not go around telling everyone how many lovers you had before him. He won't care.

[drahcir]

I don't believe any double standard exists. I believe everybody is equal.

[OceanEyes]

I love being a woman.

 

I love being a woman too, and like yourself, wouldn't want to be treated like a man. However, I'd still like to have the same respect and opportunities as men.

 

Whether or not a woman chooses to sleep around isn't really my concern; what is my concern is that women tend to be scrutinized more for their choices than men are. To me it's about equality and choice I think.

 

You raise some good points Muneca!

[Outlaw Biker]

 

Man sleeps around = STUD.

 

Woman sleeps around = promiscuous or trampy.

 

Ok, this is my take on this...

 

Man sleeps around, other men slap him on the back and say "good for you".

 

How do women view a fella that has slept around? Do they think, "wow, stud!" or give him a wide berth.

 

Woman sleeps around, men not impressed.

 

Do other women say "good for you"? Or do they join in on calling her a tramp? If they say "great!" then the problem is each gender congratulates their own for sleeping around, but condemns the other. If other women join in with the name calling, then women have it from both sides.

 

From conversations I've had with my mates in the pub over a few pints, the general conscensus (sp?) was that they felt they couldn't trust a woman who'd slept around more. The stereotype is that women generally prefer long term relationships (maybe that's where the double standard lies?), so if she's had many partners, it infers that maybe she isn't so loyal. I think it just makes us blokes insecure!

[Mun]

if she's had many partners, it infers that maybe she isn't so loyal. I think it just makes us blokes insecure!

 

Very good point Biker, I tend to think that when a man knows a woman has had several partners he is more inclined to think that she will be "comparing him " and maybe this is part of that insecurity you mention. A woman who is sexually aggressive is appealing to some but may be intimidating to most.

 

As for your comment about a man who sleeps around.. I don't like that. For me it just makes me wonder if he is with me because he cares about me or is just trying to get another notch on his bedpost. I tend to not take him serious and well... women talk.. we know the players from the serious ones because we tell each other as much. I remember this particular guy who had to start dating out of towners because he was so "burned" locally. Smart women know and stay away.

[OceanEyes]

Yes Biker, some good points raised! It's true that my girlfriends have the tendency to judge other women (even their closest friends and myself) for our choices of sexual partners. So, the double-standard is probably accentuated by females first.

 

Also, just because a woman has had a large number of sexual partners does not automatically mean that she is comparing you to other men, or that she will be less loyal in any way. Sometimes women sleep around for reasons that are not so obvious, psychological reasons that lie beneath the surface and probably need healing. Really, sometimes all it takes for one of these women is to find a man that she can truly connect with. Some women sleep around trying to find comfort or an outlet for their need to feel loved. And ironically enough, sleeping around is the last way that any woman is going to find good, true love.

[drahcir]

---never in my entire life have a ever heard of a guy who sleeps around being called a "stud" or any other related term. I have never heard of any being seen as more popular or greater because he sleeps around. I have only heard of guys, like girls, being looked down upon because they sleep around. NO ONE actually becomes popular or well liked by sleeping around.

 

 

"The first and most obvious double-standard:

 

Man sleeps around = STUD.

 

Woman sleeps around = promiscuous or trampy"

[OceanEyes]

It's not quite that black and white, but most of the men I know seem to have their sexual escapades applauded by their male peers. I know this because I've been around for their banter. So no, it's not necessarily that they would be labelled as a "stud", but don't tell me that you're going to sit down and give your male friend a lecture when he tells you how he nailed some hot girl that he picked up at a bar, lol

[drahcir]

---hahaha...of course I wouldn't lecture any of my friends (regardless of thier sex) if they told me they 'nailed some hot girl', but I would not be too pleased either. I guess I am just very romantic and i think that having sex without love (without being in a committed relationship) isn't really worth it. IT breaks my heart when anyone is so concerned with sex that they have no time for romance or commitment or true love.

 

"but don't tell me that you're going to sit down and give your male friend a lecture when he tells you how he nailed some hot girl that he picked up at a bar, lol "

[Challenger73]

---hahaha...of course I wouldn't lecture any of my friends (regardless of thier sex) if they told me they 'nailed some hot girl', but I would not be too pleased either. I guess I am just very romantic and i think that having sex without love (without being in a committed relationship) isn't really worth it. IT breaks my heart when anyone is so concerned with sex that they have no time for romance or commitment or true love.

 

"but don't tell me that you're going to sit down and give your male friend a lecture when he tells you how he nailed some hot girl that he picked up at a bar, lol "

However, can you think of a greater ego boost than to nail the hot bartender?

[drahcir]

actually yes I can. But firstly, most bartenders are not hot, and even if they were, its the personality that matters. Looks are meaningless.

 

This is what would make me proud. WOrking hard so I can provide for my future wife and children. That is the biggest ego boost. And being able to take care of my wife, love her, comfort her, learn how to dance with her, and communicate with her. Those things would boost my ego too.

 

 

"However, can you think of a greater ego boost than to nail the hot bartender"