Is crying a good thing?

[Duderanomi]

I got dumped by my ex-girlfriend 3 months ago, and unfortunately it still hurts like it happened yesterday.

 

The thing is, some days I'm fine, and some days I miss her so much I'd rather die than go on.

 

To complicate things, sometimes I'll be really jolly one second, and then something will remind me of her and I'll have the uncontrollable urge to cry. (If I'm in public I obviously hold myself back.)

 

I've been spending most of my time in front of my computer in my room, so whenever it happens then, I'll just bawl my eyes out for a while.

 

It's also happened a few times with her actually around, and I know she pities me and doesn't want to hurt me, so it makes her feel like crap if I start crying in front of her (I think).

 

Anyhow, every time it happens, I keep thinking I should just stop it, take it bluntly and just get over it, but everyone tells me I should just let it all out. Unfortunately, letting it all out doesn't seem to be working.

 

Is it possible I'm just making myself miserable by going through this little crying ritual over and over?

[LostWithoutYou]

yes, if you feel like crying by all means, let it out! it will make you feel better.

[Duderanomi]

Thing is, it doesn't really make me feel better. Just sorta leads me into this path of self-pity that I need to avoid all the time.

 

Just feels like I'm in an emotional whirlpool and I can't swim out of the murky depths.

[raccoon]

Crying isn't what's making you miserable. Spending most of your time in your room in front of the computer certainly contributes though.

 

It's important to break out. Get out of the house, go for walks, listen to new music, go dancing, drive around in your car and wail your heart out to some angry song (but remember to pay attention to the road too ) I find that going to the gym has worked wonders for me -- great self esteem boost and the adreniline rocks.

 

Crying is good. Crying can make you feel better when you're done crying. But it is important to fill your time with fun new activities in the meantime. Anything to get your mind off your ex and improve yourself in the process. I've found what works for me is setting aside time for crying/feeling down. During the day when I start to remember my ex and feel sad I say to myself 'no, I don't want to cry now, I have a whole day ahead of me and things I need to do. I'll cry later.' (It's dumb, but yes, I talk to myself.) Then think about your ex for about a half hour or some set amount of time. And when that time is done, force yourself to do something else. Something for you.

 

It's tough kiddo, we all know, but hang in there. You'll feel better. I promise. And don't feel silly about crying.

[EatZ]

It's very easy to stay stuck in a rut forever if you let yourself, but there's no quick fix for a broken heart. None whatsoever. You HAVE to let it all out, but it's obvious to me that you're not getting to the bottom of what's actually hurting you the most. What aspect of your break-up has left you in such pain? Is it the fear of never finding someone as good as her again? Is it the shock from her loss of love? The fond memories, or the dashed hopes and dreams? All of the above and then some?

 

There doesn't have to be a reason to feel like this, but there's certainly something inside which is stirring you up each time. That or you're just a sensitive guy with a big heart. I think a bit of both...

 

In answer to your question though... Yes, it's possible to get stuck in a rut if you don't take the healing into your own hands at some stage. But it's a matter of time, Duderanomi. When you're ready to move on, you will.

 

If you haven't already, remove all things that remind you of her from your house. Put them into a box and stash them away at the back of the closet. Actively try to stop reading emails, or looking at your phone every 5 minutes to see if she's sent you a text. Your new focus now is on YOU. Like the previous poster mentioned, fill your day to the brim, and nip those pesky thoughts of the ex in the bud whenever they present themselves. Stay active, and stay calm.

 

You're gonna be fine.

 

Take care!

[Speakingof]

Crying is just a part of the process. Don't fight it but don't overendulge it either. Raccoon is exactly right, get out of your room and get into something new -- something you have always wanted to try -- or even something you've never considered -- how about community theater or training for a 5k race? Exercise is an excellent way to pump some healing endorphins into your blood stream and get you feeling better.

 

Above all, know that each day brings new gifts and new opportunities. I've had the worst possible year (life threatening illness, loss of job and split with spouse that is definitely permanent) but there are good and wonderful people in my life who remind me I have a lot to give. And I walk 30 minutes a day too, which makes me feel wonderful.

 

Hang in there -- this too shall pass.