im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 with my partner.. we spend more time arguing than making love... and when we do, it bores me to death. I'm ready to change this. I mean, I KNOW I can get down to business, but there's been so much emotional and mental damage that when it comes to sex I'm just like.. Ughhh nehhhh ew.. It's been like that with this guy since I lost my virginity to him and then saw his ex escapade naked.. and he told me his sexual details -_- and it traumatized me. few years later, we break up...... I get a new bf and sleep with him....... time goes by, we end up back together for some reason... now HE'S traumatized like I was...... or just bitter and repulsed at the fact that some other man had his hands on me. What evs. It's in the past and we are TRYING to hash things out and make things work, at least for what's left of our time being in the same state.. So, I imagine we can at least enjoy each other physically .. I want to spark up that lust again. Should we get drunk and go from there? lol Drunk sex is great sex. Other than that, any ideas ? Link to comment
Zuri Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Drunk sex being great sex is a matter of opinion. drunk=FUN sex i might agree with Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 If you two are arguing all the time and there is even a slight resentment, it is going to not work until all that has been resolved. But also, you seem to mention that it has accumulated and has not really subsided. I'm unsure what is meant by seeing his ex escapade naked. Did you ask for details? Often it is better not to ask for details or talk about what the sex was like with the ex. Some people do get hung up over it no matter how much the past is the past and feeling are no longer with the ex. If there is a cloud which keeps anything from sparking and alcohol is the only way to forget those things, I can not see any other way. Not that I condone using anything to block out the things which may erk you both which happened in the past. Link to comment
22n32 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 yeah drunk sex is always really not the best, its fun maybe once in a while.. but no one is on there game and everyones sloppy.. you can still get dirty without being drunk and actually enjoy it even more.. lol he has to revive it and take charge, and want it as much as u do. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Seems like you don't even want to be in the relationship, let alone having sex with him. I base this on the "we get back together for some reason" comment. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 After I lost it to him... for SOME reason unknown to me, his last fling decided to add my on myspace, which was popular then. I didn't know who she was so I looked at her pictures.. naked, stripper looking girl.. he came in and deleted her. That's when it all came to light. His cousins had mentioned her and his fling with her in hopes to hurt me but since I'd never seen her it didn't matter.....then that happened.. and I made the mistake of asking and he told me. I was REALLY naive and new to life and...... I wish I had never asked or seen or heard. For some reason we just really want to make things work, though . It makes no logical sense... I know this. But I figure if we can just revive our sex life, maybe things will get better. All our issues seem to revolve around sex. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Seems like you don't even want to be in the relationship, let alone having sex with him. I base this on the "we get back together for some reason" comment. I meant we got back together for some reason after having been so mean to one another. I wanted to be with him and he with me, otherwise we would have just kept ignoring each other. I mean, why did we make the decision to hook back up? No idea... any reasonable person would be like "F this, this is my life I want this and that.." But we just....... did the exact opposite because we're insane and love is weird. I'n not saying any of this is logical ! Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Drunk sex being great sex is a matter of opinion. drunk=FUN sex i might agree with Liquor makes me horny. It make a LOT of women horny, you'd be surprised how many females admitted this to me in a conversation last week. Anyway I've always had a good time lol but I am def. open to other ideas !!! Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 yeah drunk sex is always really not the best, its fun maybe once in a while.. but no one is on there game and everyones sloppy.. you can still get dirty without being drunk and actually enjoy it even more.. lol he has to revive it and take charge, and want it as much as u do. He DEF. wants it more than me. He's a guy... lol One thing I've notice though, which is weird, he's a bit stiff which kind of turns me off lol I don't want to focus on that though ! I feel like I'm with a robot, sometimes. That's why I suggested drinking to loosen him up and make me not even notice. But I'm also down for what ever else as long as it gets us to a happy place Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 ugh...drunk sex. i think getting drunk is a great way to get into someone's pants when you're both too nervous to make a move...but as far as revitalizing that somethin' somethin' with someone you've already connected with...hmmm. i think the whole point is that a part of your bond has come unglued. you're missing critical intimacy. lust is one thing...but if you're looking to rekindle something you've already had then it's not really about lust anymore. lust is a symptom of uncertainty. it's that rush of wondering just how desirable someone else finds you. you two have already been down that road. to me, it's not one of those things you can throw a bridge over and call it good. i realize you weren't entirely serious...but i don't think there's a quick fix for this one. intimacy. that's where the best sex comes from. lust is exciting...but it never compares. not even close. Link to comment
22n32 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Liquor makes me horny. It make a LOT of women horny, you'd be surprised how many females admitted this to me in a conversation last week. Anyway I've always had a good time lol but I am def. open to other ideas !!! off course it makes most women horny, u lose all ambition.. a guy should be able to make his girl horny wo alcohol.. u cant have that be a tool to fix ur dead sex life.. its short term He DEF. wants it more than me. He's a guy... lol One thing I've notice though, which is weird, he's a bit stiff which kind of turns me off lol I don't want to focus on that though ! I feel like I'm with a robot, sometimes. That's why I suggested drinking to loosen him up and make me not even notice. But I'm also down for what ever else as long as it gets us to a happy place i meant he has to see that ur sex life is dead and make him be a man and step up his game and take charge of the sitution and give u what is missing.. well u both have to do it Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 i just want that excitement again Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 off course it makes most women horny, u lose all ambition.. a guy should be able to make his girl horny wo alcohol.. u cant have that be a tool to fix ur dead sex life.. its short term i meant he has to see that ur sex life is dead and make him be a man and step up his game and take charge of the sitution and give u what is missing.. well u both have to do it He knows we don't do it often... usually, we blame it on my depression. I think I just have issues... before the naked girl I used to be scared to do it because I'd see my mom in my head.. she thinks anything sexual outside of marriage is * * * * ty -_- I just want to be carefree ! When we do it, though, i think he feels it's spectacular. Maybe it's just me who thinks we're missing that pizaz from the start. There must be a way to get that pizaz back........ Who knows? Maybe I'll find out later Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 A relationship based on irrational reasoning which has nothing but mainly negative ways about it is well.....not good. I knew someone who stuck it out with a partner based on the fact he was her first. That's all that was positive and enough for her to be the driving force in the relationship although her bf was a really horrible person. Sometimes there is too much significant damage done to get over to bring back certain aspects of a relationship in a short time. Unless there is someway that both of you can truly get over these things, there is no way this relationship will ever get back to what it used to be in the bed room. Especially when you two tend to argue often anyway. New loving things which each other does and reducing the amount of arguing 'may' help with forgetting the things of the past. Maybe he does something sweet for Valentines or something and you do the same.... Link to comment
22n32 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 well u can still be carefree and respect ur mom.. only u know if ur sex life is good enough and if u guys can improve on it.. and im sure u will find out later thru diff experinces.. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 So, you think I may just be with him because he was my first? You know, I had thought of that back in the day.. but I was like.. Nahh, that has nothing to do with it. But it might be why after all, who can say? And hopefully we have a good valentines day this year. We had a good Christmas and I had a good birthday... hope 2012 is filled with positive changes. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 well u can still be carefree and respect ur mom.. only u know if ur sex life is good enough and if u guys can improve on it.. and im sure u will find out later thru diff experinces.. Oh gosh, my mom is def. one hard lady to try and please ! Dif. experiences with him or with dif. people ? Only time will tell I don't like time. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 So, you think I may just be with him because he was my first? You know, I had thought of that back in the day.. but I was like.. Nahh, that has nothing to do with it. But it might be why after all, who can say? And hopefully we have a good valentines day this year. We had a good Christmas and I had a good birthday... hope 2012 is filled with positive changes. Only you can eventually say. But since you do not seem to have any definite reasons yourself, it's all up in the air. Well....be optimistic if you really want things to work. Just don't let yourself become a level below as in make sure you are equal to him. As for what you Mother wants.... When it comes to relationships and certain ways, parents can be rather strict in some cases. Possibly even hypocritical. I feel fortunate that I do not get visions of my Mother saying I am a bad boy for having sex while I am having sex. That would be a real turn off. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 I feel fortunate that I do not get visions of my Mother saying I am a bad boy for having sex while I am having sex. That would be a real turn off. Oh Gosh, tell me about it Dx Link to comment
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