Ever date a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Sim54]

O-Shen i find it astonishing that you can say that you believe she has no idea that there is something wrong with her, when you REPEATEDLY make the same mistakes over and over and over and over again.! It beggars belief.

 

Two people in a relationship have roughly the same level of emotional maturity, and usually have roughly the same or counterpart emotional issues and problems. To spend 8 year with her means that YOU have some serious issues with yourself, and your emotional life, and also with the way you treat others and allow yourself to be treated.

Seriously man, forget about her not seeing what is wrong, when are YOU going to face the 'truth shark'?

 

Anyone who spends so long with a damaged individual is indulging in serious amounts of projection, to avoid facing their own reality.

 

Oh, and BPD is totally curable.

It would take many many years of therapy, and in fact, they would need psychoanalysis, seeing a therapist every day, or at least 5 days a week.

Ultimately BPD doesn't actually exist as a measurable 'disease' it is simply emotional immaturity.

All 4 year olds have BPD. When someone is invalidated as a child and not helped to grow up to be a mature adult, they will maintain that childish state.

And ALL of us behave in a black and white emotional way at times of great stress. It's not something unique to only a few people.

 

I get tired of this armchair pathologising of ex's.

Just except that you were in an unhealthy relationship of YOUR choosing (no-one made you date this person) and work out what YOU did to maintain the status quo of dysfunction and learn from that.

[mahipahl]

Just except that you were in an unhealthy relationship of YOUR choosing (no-one made you date this person) and work out what YOU did to maintain the status quo of dysfunction and learn from that.

 

When it's all said and done it all boils down to the statement above by Sim54. It's probably the only way to move on, improve yourself and find your own happiness.

[Jack3d]

So it's been 2 weeks and 1 day since I left my BPD girl. I'm having some major withdrawals...as in I do miss her. I haven't spoken to her a single time since we've split. Her best friend did text me today (I work with her) saying that she my ex is not taking it well, crying all the time, really misses me, etc. I feel bad, and to make things even worse on her, I mailed all of her stuff back today in one big box. Just feeling kind of down at the moment. She made me crazy, so I'm moving on, just wanted to vent a little.

[Svintus]

And a year and a half later?

How do you feel now?

 

A relationship with BPD-afflicted person is one of the worst experiences one can imagine.

A couple of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans said that would rather return to the combat than living through castrating BPD breakup.

Many people develop PTSD after a relationship with BPD. I've heard, some can even develop Parkinson's.

 

I am not sure that I'll ever become the same person as I was before I met her.

And then there were 4 years of darkest nightmare one can imagine.

I had no idea what BPD was until it was over.

[Chantilly]

My mother has not been diagnosed with BPD, however, I do believe after research and discussion with a counsellor that this is her issue.

 

For years I have felt never good enough, always seeking her praise and approval, shattered from the constant verbal and also unspoken criticisms etc.

 

My way of dealing with her now has been to view her as ill. Remind myself that she is not well, and to call her on her BS. If she is bad mouthing another member of the family (she speaks ill of all of us to each other) I will contradict her and gently point out if she was in the wrong.

 

She does not want to spend time with groups, preferring one on one time with each of us alone, and yet does not like when two or more pair up without her present. For years family members avoided getting together without her because of her anger or upset. Now, I plan what I plan and she can come if she likes, or not.....her choice, but I refuse to be made to feel guilty anymore.

[NYtoOhio1983]

Therapist will not take BPD because therenis no cure.

 

 

I am a counselor who works with clients with BPD. You are correct, some do not work with them because there is not cure, but I have chosen to because I know there is hope for them.

 

I would not date someone with BPD unless that person is in treatment consistently, i.e. once a week at least, and they have their emotions under control. If the person is not in treatment and does not have her symptoms under control, it could do damage to you that you just would not want.

[Svintus]

If the person is not in treatment and does not have her symptoms under control, it could do damage to you that you just would not want.

Could this damage be permanent and irreversible?

It feels like my 4-year long relationship with a borderline sucked happiness, kindness and everything else positive out of me.