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[MattW]

That's what I feel like my future is -- a giant question mark. Back in my teens, when I was so much more naive, I always hoped to have the kind of life most people aspire to; that is, a dignifying career, a happy marriage, and a loving family. Now, I never expected to have any of these achieved at 23 years old, but I should've at least been working my way towards them.

 

I'm not sure what, exactly, caused it, but at some point in the last 4-5 years, I've just... lost sight of everything. I no longer know what I want out of life. What I do know, is that I can't stand my current life. I'm a 23 year old part time cashier, aimlessly taking classes at a community college, living with my parents, and having no real social life. I've been going through the motions of this life for so long, now, and I just want out. I know, that "change starts with me", I've heard that over and over. That's all well and good. I'm not saying I can't change. The problem is, I lack direction. I struggle to change my life for the better, because I just can't figure out what I need to change, and what those things need to be changed to.

 

At this point, I don't even feel my previous long-term aspirations are even a possibility for me anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think I can even see myself ever getting married or having a family. A stable, fulfilling career is the only thing left for me to aspire to, and I'm hanging on by a thread with that, because I can't figure out what I actually want to do.

 

I know it's probably not even possible to properly answer this question, but... How do I even go about figuring out what I want out of life? I don't just mean career-wise, even, I'm talking in general, the bigger picture. The longer I lack goals and motivation for myself, the longer I'm going to continue to be stuck in my same pathetic cycle.

[nutbrownhare]

Firstly, stop judging yourself as pathetic. You are doing the best you can, given who you are and what you've got. At the moment. This will change.

 

Secondly, look at that huge question mark as a blessing. You have choices, you are not stuck in a predictable groove. Of course, at the moment you can't see yourself getting married or having a family - any more than you can see the view from the top of a hill when you're just starting the climb upwards. You just haven't got there yet.

 

If you're not sure what you want out of life, pay special attention every time you meet someone of whom you feel envious. When we lack direction, envy can often be a valuable friend which will let us know what we really want. I'm not talking about feeling resentful or bitter, but if you ever feel envious of others, really pay attention to EXACTLY what it is that you're lacking. And then put your energies into getting whatever that is for yourself, no matter in how small a way that may be.

 

Finally, you're only 23, but you're looking at several decades of life (hopefully!) as if it were one big lump. This is a very scary and counter-productive thing to do. Rather than doing this, just look at the week ahead and work out how you can get the best out of it - for you. Bite-size chunks are much more manageable.

 

Good luck!

[bulletproof]

Start at the beginning. Is there anything that you think you might remotely want to do for a career? Anything, even total fantasy jobs- start listing them and figuring out what's doable. What do you like to do in your spare time that's a potential career?

 

And keep in mind that relatively speaking, 23 is very young and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I did not have what I would call a career job until 26, and I don't even have the same career 14 years later.

[meoww]

I think part of the problem is that you lack a foundation to build upon. There is a way to turn off that little voice in your head that says you're directionless and pathetic--I suggest this because you might be amazed by how clouded your judgment has gotten by giving into the anxiety about your future rather than living in the present. I finally just sucked it up and decided to stop being so hard on myself and what do you know, a year later I emerged as a refreshed and optimistic person.

 

I know you probably worry that by 23 you should have at least a vague idea of where you're going in life--but spinning your wheels aimlessly is not going to give you any clarity.

As hard as it is--you must start making changes little by little. That is what I mean about your foundation--your core values are one place to start. Learn about the world--I think this crucial to choosing your role in it.

[MattW]

Start at the beginning. Is there anything that you think you might remotely want to do for a career? Anything, even total fantasy jobs- start listing them and figuring out what's doable. What do you like to do in your spare time that's a potential career?

 

The only thing I REALLY get a lot of enjoyment from is, well... music. If we're talking "fantasy jobs", I fantasize all the time about being a front man for a rock band. But, that's not exactly a viable career option for the average person. Heck, I might as well be saying "I want to be an astronaut". Other than that, there's really not a whole heck of a lot that I'd say I'm "passionate" about.