Is it cheating?

[Ayton]

We can't understand what this guy was going through, he might have truly been devastated, or he may have had the experience in the past of hearing "Let's take a break". The amount of times I've heard people ask for a break and then go off and sleep with someone else, well, there's many posts on this forum that show it. It's not cheating, for all he knew you were doing the same thing.

 

Nice excuse!just shows how fickle and greedy people are!and worse they try to justify it AND get support from others, who have the same low values!

[whysoalone]

I don't share those values, I don't believe in breaks. I'm just saying there's a lot of people that'll take a break to "see what else is out there".

[Ayton]

ok, fair enough. and not saying you have those values.but alot of people do now 6 month break ok, reasonable....a week????? lmao

[whysoalone]

ok, fair enough. and not saying you have those values.but alot of people do now 6 month break ok, reasonable....a week????? lmao

 

Haha, you should have a look around this forum, you'll see what I mean. There's a girl who asked for a break, a few days. Well, you don't need to be a rocket scientists to work out what she 'wanted' that break for *wink*.

 

But in all seriousness, you can't really classify it as cheating, she asked for the break, sure there was a term there, but you said he was devastated by you wanting the break. It could have been an emotional break down that led him to that situation. It's up to you whether or not you want to forgive him, but remember it's your actions that led it to this point. Just be careful, take care of yourself first.

[Tanzi]

I don't share those values, I don't believe in breaks. I'm just saying there's a lot of people that'll take a break to "see what else is out there".

 

But that wasn't what they took a break for. In fact it was specifically mentioned that they wouldn't see others. And, for goodness sake, it was only for a week.

[Ayton]

Haha, you should have a look around this forum, you'll see what I mean. There's a girl who asked for a break, a few days. Well, you don't need to be a rocket scientists to work out what she 'wanted' that break for *wink*.

 

But in all seriousness, you can't really classify it as cheating, she asked for the break, sure there was a term there, but you said he was devastated by you wanting the break. It could have been an emotional break down that led him to that situation. It's up to you whether or not you want to forgive him, but remember it's your actions that led it to this point. Just be careful, take care of yourself first.

its not fair atall to blame her actions. she didn't tell him to go and start acting like a dog on heat.It's just an opportunistic chance to go exercise your reproductive erm organs!!!come on..talk about having your cake and eating it too!and it's guys that do it mostly!

[whysoalone]

Well she's said that he was devastated by it, I would be as well. What would you think if your GF asked you for a week long break?

 

And I wasn't putting the blame on her, it was her actions though, you can't expect to take a break and for everything to be fine, that's not how this works. Communication is the key to it all, why take a break when you can talk through the problems? A break just makes things worse..

[whysoalone]

As I said earlier in a post, we don't think straight when we're in fear, or panicking, or just completely stressing over losing someone you love. It's stirred his emotions, you can't completely blame him.

[Miss Firecracker]

You wanted your break and you got it. He had every reason to believe you were finished with him. You were deciding whether you even wanted him in your life anymore. Could have easily gone the other way.

 

He did nothing wrong, but that's just my opinion.

[Ayton]

Well she's said that he was devastated by it, I would be as well. What would you think if your GF asked you for a week long break?

 

And I wasn't putting the blame on her, it was her actions though, you can't expect to take a break and for everything to be fine, that's not how this works. Communication is the key to it all, why take a break when you can talk through the problems? A break just makes things worse..

 

i know one thing for sure, if i loved the girl..i wouldn't pull my **** out at first opportunity*(7 day break) to try and resolve it.maybe pull a pen and paper to work out instead and work through any emotional issues or mental confusion! and yeh, each to there own values and beliefs etc

[whysoalone]

You wanted your break and you got it. He had every reason to believe you were finished with him. You were deciding whether you even wanted him in your life anymore. Could have easily gone the other way.

 

He did nothing wrong, but that's just my opinion.

 

Exactly

 

i know one thing for sure, if i loved the girl..i wouldn't pull my **** out at first opportunity*(7 day break) to try and resolve it.maybe pull a pen and paper to work out instead and work through any emotional issues or mental confusion! and yeh, each to there own values and beliefs etc

 

You're telling me, and be 100% honest, your gf asks for a week break, with no contact AT ALL, you wouldn't be in a panic thinking she's doing something else?

[Tanzi]

Well she's said that he was devastated by it, I would be as well. What would you think if your GF asked you for a week long break?

 

And I wasn't putting the blame on her, it was her actions though, you can't expect to take a break and for everything to be fine, that's not how this works. Communication is the key to it all, why take a break when you can talk through the problems? A break just makes things worse..

 

It wasn't a break-up where she then regretted her actions and did a complete 180 thus leaving her fiance confused or totally in the dark as to what was going on. They were fighting a lot, this was making the OP unhappy and she took the action she felt was needed to gain some new perspective. Sometimes its hard to talk when all you do is argue. I agree that it is questionable as to whether breaks actually work and whether they are used as get-out clauses in a lot of cases but in this case there was a specific reason behind the break, suggested for a specific reason and only for a specific amount of time. A break isn't a break-up (depending on the circumstances) and sometimes they may really help if both parties still want the relationship to work but, yes, maybe he did think that they may never recover from their week's break break but, let's face it, he never gave himself a chance to find out!

[Ayton]

Exactly

 

 

 

You're telling me, and be 100% honest, your gf asks for a week break, with no contact AT ALL, you wouldn't be in a panic thinking she's doing something else?

i can't answer that because i would have dealth with this situation prior to the break up totally different and clarified some rules about what this 'break' exacly means etc. Ok, i think what he did was wrong...and you think it was right.fair play. are you guilty of this kind of thing?

[whysoalone]

i can't answer that because i would have dealth with this situation prior to the break up totally different and clarified some rules about what this 'break' exacly means etc. Ok, i think what he did was wrong...and you think it was right.fair play. are you guilty of this kind of thing?

 

Haha, I've already said I don't believe in breaks! I never said it was right, I'm basically stating that considering the circumstances he was acting out in a panic. A break isn't a break-up, no. But it's damn sure close. What sort of relationship is it when you can't contact, talk, see, touch your partner? That's what a break is, it's far from the opposite of a break-up. No contact for a whole week would send anyone in to a stress fit.

[whysoalone]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask you the same thing, if you had a full week 'break' with no contact at all, you wouldn't start to panic during that week, would you be able to completely control your emotions if your partner wanted nothing to do with you for a week?

[Tanzi]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask you the same thing, if you had a full week 'break' with no contact at all, you wouldn't start to panic during that week, would you be able to completely control your emotions if your partner wanted nothing to do with you for a week?

 

I would be devastated. My head would be all over the place. Knowing what I have been like in previous relationships (though break-ups not breaks) I probably wouldn't be able to eat or sleep. A break is probably worse because you are in no man's land, not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Nevertheless if I truly loved that person I would be praying that the break is what they needed to help them realise that the relationship is what they want and is worth fighting for. I would also take a good long look at myself and the relationship to try and work out where things had started to go wrong and the part I may have played in it .... But what I wouldn't do is jump into bed with someone else ... and a mutual friend at that!

[Tanzi]

And if I believed that the person who was requesting a week's break once loved me, maybe or probably did still love me and, more importantly, respected me, irrespective of the the current situation, then I would assume that they wouldn't be jumping into bed with anyone else either. If it were a month-long relationship where the other person had just done a disappearing act for a week then that would be an entirely different matter but this was a committed relationship that had just hit a bump. Relationships have many bumps and hurdles. No relationship is without its issues and they will need to be worked at one way or another. He basically went down at the first hurdle (no pun intended!!)

[ut804]

I would be devastated. My head would be all over the place. Knowing what I have been like in previous relationships (though break-ups not breaks) I probably wouldn't be able to eat or sleep. A break is probably worse because you are in no man's land, not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Nevertheless if I truly loved that person I would be praying that the break is what they needed to help them realise that the relationship is what they want and is worth fighting for. I would also take a good long look at myself and the relationship to try and work out where things had started to go wrong and the part I may have played in it .... But what I wouldn't do is jump into bed with someone else ... and a mutual friend at that!

 

Agreed.

 

When I am devasted and heartbroken, no one seems attractive to me. All I could think about is my ex and how to make it work. I wouldn't move on to someone else until I am SURE the relationship is completely over (break up, not break).

But maybe men are different? I don't know. I think if you want to make it work with someone you wouldn't add another person to the drama.

[Miss Firecracker]

It's very easy to say, "This is what I would do." When you are in that moment, things aren't quite as clear.

[pippy longstocking]

I agree with all of a-little-blue's posts ..

[Tanzi]

Miss Firecracker: I could quite honestly say that I would have no inclination in jumping into bed with anyone a week after breaking up with someone, especially not if I loved them and was heartbroken, so I can quite categorically say that neither would I jump into bed with someone whilst on a weeks break.

[appdev89]

Isn't this like the Ross and Rachel thing in friends? Anyway that aside, I'd agree that he shouldn't have and it is really up to you to forgive him or not.

[capilot]

Well she's said that he was devastated by it, I would be as well. What would you think if your GF asked you for a week long break?

 

I would assume I'd just been dumped.

 

Also, "I want to take a break" often means "someone else has caught my eye and I want to sleep with them and then see if I want to come back to you."

 

But she did say it was just a week and she did say that she didn't want them to see other people. If it were me, and it was only a week, I'd wait the week out before considering the break-up to be finalized.

 

I think he (and the friend) were figuring that this was their one and only chance to sleep with each other before the marriage.

[capilot]

You're telling me, and be 100% honest, your gf asks for a week break, with no contact AT ALL, you wouldn't be in a panic thinking she's doing something else?

 

I would be pretty panicked, but unless I was absolutely sure, I wouldn't cheat on her.

[ut804]

It's very easy to say, "This is what I would do." When you are in that moment, things aren't quite as clear.

 

I've been in that moment and I don't run to other men so fast. I was sitting at home, crying, staring at my phone, talking to my friends and getting advice, calling my ex, writing poetry, ruminating things in my head. The only time I have been desperate for rebound was when I saw my ex with another girl, then I was tempted to be with another man. But if my ex wasn't seeing anyone, and in this case he shouldn't assume that she was (she just needed a break because of all the fighting), then adding another woman to the mix will just destroy and mess everything up.