AtherisAvidi Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 So my girlfriend of a year on the last evening we were spending together at uni before she went home says she thinks shes starting to doubt her feelings for me and needs time to think. I'm a bit upset but not very suprised we had both been struggling with the work load and stress of being third years and having no money and I felt she was actually struggling with a deeper problem but she wouldn't open up to me and started smoking again instead. We don't talk properly that last night as I could tell she wasn't up to it so I let her go home but she promised we would talk in January. I didn't mind giving her the space. After a week or so I'd decided to write her a long letter there was an awful lot of stuff we hadn't spoken about that we needed to so I decided to write her a letter so she could know everything she needed to before we spoke in January. I messaged her asking her for address I wanted to double check it, in this conversation she tells me she doesn't remember promising to talk when we got back in January says she doesn't think we need to she doesn't love me. She does give me her address though but then deletes me on facebook. I write and send her the letter this was about two weeks before christmas she doesn't reply. The last couple of days have been really crap for me not just because of this and she was the only person I wanted to talk to really. I rang her today she didn't pick up but texted me back a bit later saying why did you ring me? please delete my number from your phone I don't ever want to talk to you again. I don't understand how this happened I don't understand how she can go from being head over heels in love with me to hating me so much shes cutting me out of her life like I never mattered at all. I'm pretty sure shes lying to herself because shes scared our relationship will end with her hurt like her mum and her grandma who both got divorced. I'm the first guy shes slept with and I know you don't get over the first person you sleep with just like that. Early on in our relationship marriage did come up and there was an "unofficial" spontaneous proposal from me sans ring (I did get down on my knees) and she said yes. I really really don't understand and can't imagine feeling worse right now. Please help? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Honestly, I strongly doubt you'll ever get her back. I know it's really hard, but when someone says they no longer love you, delete your number, delete you from facebook and tell you to do the same and she never wants to talk to you again, then you pretty much know beyond doubt that this is over for good. This is going to be tough for you as she never really gave any explanation, but the best thing you can do at this point is let it go and move on. Don't waste too much energy trying to get her back. She's gone for good. Sorry this happened to you. Link to comment
VortexEffect Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I am sorry to hear this happened to you. As I read more and more stories like this, it seems like this is a common occurrence in breakups. Girl/guy breaks up with girl/guy. Breakup agony is extended by several conversations where the dumped makes case why they should be together/how they can 'fix' themselves or just questioons 'why?' while dumper gives reasons for breakup that maybe make sense. Dumper moves on with life. Dumpee is in misery. Dumpee attempts to contact dumper in desperation/lowest point. Dumper is enraged/annoyed as the feelings for dumpee are completely gone and now it is like a stranger telling you they love you. Dumpee is now in abject misery The best thing for you to do is move on. You don't want to but you have to. I'm in the same boat as you and this realization is the best thing you can do for yourself. This, too, shall pass. Link to comment
22n32 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 sorry about ur loss, been there.. just move on, let her go i know easier said then done.. just do it though.. and use it as a learning experince and be better for ur next rel.. Link to comment
AtherisAvidi Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 She hasn't given me one reason let alone any that make sense thats one of the major problems Link to comment
22n32 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 She hasn't given me one reason let alone any that make sense thats one of the major problems most never do.. shes young she doesnt run off of logic... Link to comment
AtherisAvidi Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Erg I suppose this means I've already broken the NC before its even really started. Good start Link to comment
NovaMan Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Girl/guy breaks up with girl/guy. Breakup agony is extended by several conversations where the dumped makes case why they should be together/how they can 'fix' themselves or just questioons 'why?' while dumper gives reasons for breakup that maybe make sense. Dumper moves on with life. Dumpee is in misery. Dumpee attempts to contact dumper in desperation/lowest point. Dumper is enraged/annoyed as the feelings for dumpee are completely gone and now it is like a stranger telling you they love you. Dumpee is now in abject misery You're so right. I bet every man and every woman has been on one side or the other at some point in their life. Dumped or dumpee. I myself have been on both sides of that equation many times. It's amazing how easy it is when you are the dumpee, because by the time you actually do the dumping, you've had time to think about it and come to terms with it. When you are the dumped, you are usually caught totally off guard and by surprise, and it seems so sudden. It's a shock to your emotional system, which is why it is so painful. Link to comment
Happens4aReason Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I read the following somewhere on the internet. I was in your position where she was head over heels one day and broke up with me the next. See if you belong to the following category as well. I guess you do. It made perfect sense to me and has made me realize how not-clearly I was thinking. "It's hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages. Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win him over! You will make her see! You will! You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such terror of loving and be loved? And so it goes. You become caught up in believing that someone who doesn't love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities to meet a person who will truly make you happy. You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but that's easier said than done, right? " Link to comment
Happens4aReason Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 It's amazing how easy it is when you are the dumper, because by the time you actually do the dumping, you've had time to think about it and come to terms with it. This is so unfair as I was the dumpee on multiple occasions. The dumper has already come into terms with it but poor dumpee. Still hurting but learning to live with the cycle of pain as am sure that happiness is just round the corner. Link to comment
AtherisAvidi Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Yeah I can see the sense in that. Its just hard not to get caught up in that cycle, it seems to be a fairly inevitable response particularly when you've been with someone a long time Link to comment
AtherisAvidi Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 I'm really struggling tonight. I've had to much time to think on the way to a party. I really want something to happen to change things between us but shes made it clear she doesn't and I really don't want to believe that. But she hasn't left me any way of making something happen short of turning up on her doorstep. I'm going to give my phone to a mate which will hopefuly stop me calling her when drunk but I kinda don't want to incase she calls me Link to comment
NovaMan Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 but I kinda don't want to incase she calls me Ummmm....hate to tell you, but she's not calling you. Keeping your phone by your side just in case she does is going to ruin your night my friend. Let it go. Hell, even if she does call, probably a good move not to answer right away. Link to comment
AtherisAvidi Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 So I'm not sure whether this was a stupid thing to do or not but when this first happened one of my friends offered to message my ex for me I told her not to do it but a few days ago I changed my mind and let her do it, I know the friend is a she but I don't think jealousy is an issue shes a very mature 14 year old girl. (an old friends sister) I want to know if you guys think this was a good idea or not. My ex never wants to see or hear from me again but this isn't breaking the rules? Link to comment
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