New to the forum. My break-up story, opinions appreciated. LONG STORY.

[ZimboGon]

I frequent another forum, and a lot of stuff has happened since the break-up... So, i'm going to copy and paste how i felt before, and now.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Okay, well... Its a long story so i will use fake names for everyone. So, i was 18 and i dated a 15 year old. Yeah, i know, senior and a sophomore. So, lets call her katie. Katie and i had a great relationship for the first year, we saw each other every day, we walked to class all the time, and we hung out after class every single day. 24/7 pretty much. She was really dependent on me, and she lost most of her friends because she saw me so much. I couldn't care either way, but it got to the point where she would get upset when i went with my friends and not her. Point being, i was her world. I had no fear of losing her. She and I had a great relationship, excellent chemistry, similar interests ect.

 

So, i graduated and that summer i saw her every single day. Unfortunately, i couldn't afford a car. My family is rather poor, so we ended up hanging out at my house, cuddling, watching shows or walking to places and eating. Then, school started back up for her and she started to change somewhat. I suggested we see each other less so our time would be more meaningful, and she was upset with that but she agreed. So, we started to see each other 3 or 4 times a week or so. Then, she was given a car. So, unfortunately she drove us around and we could go on dates and such (i have a job, so i always payed regardless)

 

So, around october we get in a fight and i suggest a temporary split because she doesn't seem happy. She gets really upset, starts crying, but agrees. 4 days later, she calls me and asks for me back. So i take her for a walk, and i ask her. Whats going on, what can we do to fix it? I love you and i want to make it work. She basically tells me that her feelings are fading a bit, she always loved me, but since i am her first real relationship she doesn't know what she wants. I told her i loved her and we could make things work, and she agreed.

 

So, we have the best two weeks we have had in awhile. Its great, and this guy, we will call him Rick, keeps texting her. I tell her to just say "I'm with my boyfriend right now" so he'd stop, and she refuses, insisting she doesn't want to lose one of her only friends. So, one night she and i are on a date, and he texts her confessing his feelings for her. Of course, i instantly shut him down and everything. So, a few days later i get to talk to him in person, and i respectfully tell him to back down, we love each other, yada yada. Katie refuses to say anything. So he leaves, and i look at her and say "Glad thats over, its a good thing you didn't like him or anything." She is unable to respond. I get up, and storm out and she chases me. Apparently she told him she liked him too, but she insists its a mistake and she realises she has been and idiot and wants to be with me, she wants to finally try for once. I give her one more chance, and i tell her to CUT contact with him.

 

So, i see her friday and we get in a fight over some things, and ultimately we break up. That night when she is crying, she texts rick "I wish you were here right now" I surprise her the next day, we agree to work things out and i told her... CUT CONTACT. we have been together so long and we are so great together, its not worth throwing away. She tells me she sees me and so many pros, and she sees him and there is nothing but she still has this feeling for him. I suggest its just the chase because we were getting a bit stale and he is all over her.

 

this guy is really pathetic, whenever she is upset he rushes to her side and says things like "Pick who you want to be with. i know you like him, but im always here for you and i like you too. do whatever you want beautiful." Pretty much playing her like a card.

 

So, next wed she blows me off to hang out with her friends. Later that day, we talk. Apparently even though i asked her to cut contact, she kept talking to him and she hung out with him that day even though we had plans. Obviously, we both agree to break up. The next day, she texts me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life and she doesn't want to lose me. The day after that, she and rick hook up.

 

I hear about it, and i confront her about leading us both on and i tell her once and for all, PICK. She says that she likes us both, and that apparently i'm a better lover, but he's more fun in public or something. Ultimately, she picks him. Guess what, the next day she tells me she made a huge mistake and she doesn't want to lose anything with me. She's talking to him the whole day, and ignoring me. That night, she tells me she invited him over and told him off, saying she wanted to be with me. The next day, i see her and she shuts me out and she's really cold and we both agree to be single for awhile. Guess what, the next day she tells me she misses me and she is really confused. So, a few days later i show up at her house to return her things and what do i see. Her, under the blanket i bought her with rick. I look at her, tell her to never contact me again and i leave.

 

Two weeks later, they are dating. She sends me a message saying she is really sorry for everything, she felt it was best we broke up because i seem happier and now she doesn't regret everything. She also adds, "I don't know if i will ever be able to say honestly that breaking up with you wasn't a mistake."

 

Then, she keeps stalking my facebook and she messages me about it occasionally. Why? Whats the point? She left me for some guy without a job, a car, or anything. A guy who doesn't have anything to offer because of some spur of the moment thing. A guy who completely played her. So i sent her a message, saying that i just heard she and him were official and i told her to stop stalking me, stop sending me messages and stop messing with me. I told her to live with her decisions, and that i hope she doesn't regret them because at some point i really did love her. I warned her if i got another message, i would block her so she wouldn't be able to stalk my facebook for whatever strange reasons she does.

 

Then, yesterday i ran into her and him. They were holding hands, and they both looked at me and smirked. Apparently, she had been telling everyone that i was a bad boyfriend, and i yelled at rick and everything to make me look like the bad guy. So people decided to confront me about it, and i replied that it was untrue and she cheated on me. Everyone said she's turned into a B**** lately, being cold, insulting people and starting fights.

 

But... deep down. I really want her back. She was a great person when we dated, but things changed when i graduated. She was really young, immature, and i'm not really sure what to do. I did everything i could for her, i supported her emotionally, i took her out, i made her happy and she pulls this. I mean, is she going to come back? Should i take her back?

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Well, you guys probably remember me. I've been here a lot lately. Well, here is a small refresher. Dating my ex for 16 months, we are both really young. I graduated school, we distanced, she went looking for something 'better' since i was her first boyfriend, and some guy moved in and became her emotional doormat seeing her everyday, and finally she left me for him. I was a good boyfriend, i protected her, i did whatever i could to make her happy, and i made a lot of sacrifices for her. In the end, i think its chalked up to her age and immaturity, because the first year of our relationship was flawless. It was amazing, she was always by my side and loving and devoted, but things changed.

 

Since then, our mutual friends (they all took my side after hearing about her lying and cheating on me) have updated me on how she's doing. A week after our break-up, she and the other guy started dating. They all pretty much say the same thing. She doesn't seem very happy, and she's turning into a huge b*tch. She's become rude, snobbish, egotistical, suddenly taking care of her apparel. She completely shut me out and i went NC, and she has been telling everybody i was a horrible boyfriend, i guess to validate the break-up in her eyes. The break-up was a pretty messy situation, she wanted to keep us both and string us both along. I gave her several chances to stay with me, but ultimately by influence of him and her friends (who all hate me) she picked him. I know i was a great boyfriend, and i know he manipulated her and from what i hear, it won't be long until their relationship falls apart.

 

Since the break-up, i have been feeling pretty good. Hanging out with my friends, meeting some girls and just living my life. However, a lot of my life has to do with thoughts of winning her back at some point. I've gotten past the emotional part, and i don't falter when i see posts she makes on facebook. It feels pretty empty when i see it. I just promised her i would always take care of her no matter what, and as i see it she made a huge mistake and ran with another guy because she felt butterflies and our relationship got to the point where we both needed to commit and i guess she wasn't mature enough to do it. She kept trying to keep me as a friend, but i ended up shutting her down. We didn't start as friends, and i don't have a desire to be her friend. I never want it to come to a point where i can hang out with her WITHOUT the desire to kiss her and i won't let it get to that point.

 

I'm just thinking aloud. I've been pondering stuff for awhile, and it would be nice to get some opinions. I feel like i have grown from the break-up. I've matured, i've learned things and i understand why everything happened. I have started to better myself, and i have worked to improve my flaws.

 

I just hope one day she realizes what she lost. If things go sour with her, and it hits her i was the guy who truly loved her and was there for her and she comes back. I know at one point the love was genuine from her. She would tell me the sweetest things. She was a very depressed person when i met her, and i rescued her from that. I made her believe she could have a positive future. (her parents were emotionally abusive) I just don't like the idea of losing her for good. I wanted to spend my life with her.

[Onecutepenguin]

I personally don't think she's worth it. You should be glad you broke up with her, and you need to embrace that you love who she used to be. If she can't choose between you and another guy, then she's not worth your time.

[Puo]

I personally don't think she's worth it. You should be glad you broke up with her, and you need to embrace that you love who she used to be. If she can't choose between you and another guy, then she's not worth your time.

 

This.

 

I've been in your shoes before. I was once dumped by someone who left me for someone else. Caused me two months of absolute * * * * . This girl I dated for ~22 months or so decided one day that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't very outgoing or fun. So she leaves me for another guy. I was absolutely destroyed by this. She was my first girl, someone who I (naively) thought i would marry one day. And instantly she's with someone else. It made my confidence pretty much fall to zero. I was severely depressed, tried all i could to win her back. Then, one day, I just snapped. I switched from "I need her back" to "I have enough worth to not have to chase someone like this." It was something she said one day. I couldn't tell you what it was. And I stopped talking to her (this is around one month after the break up.) And then, all of sudden, she starts messaging me, asking me how I've been, saying she misses me, blah blah blah. I fell for it. Apparently the guy she left me for was a total creeper who would almost never leave her alone. He would show up at her apartment some days and just be sitting in her house without her even knowing.

 

Anyway, I continued to attempt at moving on, and then she texted me one day asking my opinion on how to DUMP the guy she left me for. I was floored. Why the hell would she do that? I told her, "Just do it to his face. I'm sure he can handle it. I did."

 

After that, I decided to give it a go and ask about if she wanted to try and focus on me and her again (the whole break up surrounded the idea of her not being sure if it was me or the other guy she wanted.) She said she still wanted to date other people. We met up once, but I could tell she only wanted to be friends. I even found out she was hooking up with another guy literally days after dumping the guy she left me for.

 

At that point I gave up. I was pissed/depressed. I wrote her a long goodbye email and sent it to her, as closure. She responded rather coldly, but we wished each other the best. We live in the same town, but I haven't spoken to her in over 3 years.

 

Will your ex regret it at some point? Possibly. Chances are better than none that she will look back on this one day and go, "Wow, I was really awful to him."

 

Is she going to come back? Probably not. Or she will when you don't want her anymore. Its the truth - hard to take in at once, but it is. But I guarantee that if you compared yourself now to the guy who was one day out of a break up, you'd realize how much stronger you've become.

[ZimboGon]

Thanks for the kind words, guys. It just still eats at me. She was worth it, and i feel like if i gave her a second chance in the future it could really work. You don't think she'd come back?