johnbarnes Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 You may remember me from two months ago... Well here was the story: Hey I am a 23 year old guy and I have been seeing a 27 year old woman but here is the twist. This girl has a boyfriend. I know it's wrong and I know that it shouldn't have happened I have certainly learned from the experience but what started as just hanging out (I didn't even find her that attractive) turned into a lot more as I realised what a lovely personality she had, like noone I had ever met. She always said she had a boyfriend but after we met up I think 7 times she made her move to kiss me. I never made any moves because I knew she had a boyfriend but I certainly didn't have the willpower to say no... This is where I think I made my first mistake by making myself too easy. At first I knew she had a boyfriend so I thought thats fine I can still see other women in clubs and bars but over time she asked me to sleep with her about a month and a half after I met her. I couldn't say no and I really fell for her. We continued this relationship for about a month I never tried to make her break up with her boyfriend or leave for me I said that if you want to break up it's because your relationship isn't working not because of another man. The choice she had to make was this (Of course from what she told me) I was much better looking, if she saw me first she would be with me only, I am taller better built. One major factor is she is chinese, her boyfriend is indian and I am white. She has some prejudice against indian race as they are like lower class apparently. She felt I brought excitment into her life and she felt proud when she was with me. She felt embarrassed to be with her boyfriend and as he is quite shy she doesn't have fun in social situations with him. Negatives I am too young for her she started to talk about marriage, she wants her boyfriend to pay her way and be like the man (He would do anything for her and pays for everything while I believe in 50 50 relationship) and he said he would by a house for them next year. They have a strong connection over a while. They met online and started dating for 7 months that way. Anyway she told me all these things like she never wanted to lose me, she loved me blah blah blah all of that stuff that I was her soulmate, number 1 all of that stuff. I took all this to heart and believed it! I didn't like the situation because it always felt like I was second best so I kept trying to break it off with her but whenever it came to a serious conversation she didn't want to talk about it or just started kissing me. I don't think she 'just made a mistake' because she slept with me 4 times. But maybe I am wrong. Well now the situation is this her boyfriend took her on an expensive trip. After they came back she wouldn't really talk to me or answer my calls etc. ---------------------------------- After this I managed no contact for about a month... I will try to keep it short. She then text me one day really upset asking me to marry her! Of course I knew she was upset so tried to calm her down. I agreed to meet her. She needed to go to Derby the next day and asked if I could take her. Of course I did take her and talk and we got on really well just like before. She still had her boyfriend but the same issues. Eventually we kissed and talked about our relationship together. In the next few weeks we got really close again and were meeting up all the time but I said to her that she needs to make a decision between her boyfriend and me because I don't want to be treated like this... After about 3 weeks of meeting up she finally just went cold stopped contacting me and broke it off again. This was because her parents told her that she can't be with me because they don't approve... I am feeling sorry for the other guy at this stage of course. So we go no contact for another 2 weeks. She starts crying down the phone at how she misses me and wants to be with me. She can't stop thinking about me and is treating her boyfriend really badly because of it. The signs are there for her to end it of course. I saw her looked after her and in the end slept with her. We met again but then she spent the weekend with her boyfriend again and ended up breaking contact with me and saying not to contact her again... I did get her quite angry because we have a mutual friend who I told everything to and when she tried to talk to her about it she was really mad because she didn't want other people to know that she was having an affair. She sent me a message as well saying that if I had a job we would be together it's the only thing stopping us because her parents won't allow her to be with someone unemployed. I have just had a knee operation so am out of work for the moment. I am not sure where to go from here. I fear that in a few weeks she will come crying back again and I won't be able to resist. She is treating me and her boyfriend really badly! Sometimes I just want to tell him that we were sleeping together but I am not that vengeful and it won't solve anything. Today has been a bad day just because I have always done my best to treat her well but whenever I want something she doesn't make any effort. All I want from her is a chance to say goodbye in person. I think I have accepted the breakup although I still love her I realise I can do better than someone who won't give themselves to me but I want to end properly. An angry text just makes me feel cheap and used then she will expect me to be there for her when she is in trouble! I don't help myself by telling her that I will always be there for her... Anyway whats next... Thanks for your help... Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 She always said she had a boyfriend but after we met up I think 7 times she made her move to kiss me. I never made any moves because I knew she had a boyfriend but I certainly didn't have the willpower to say no... This is where I think I made my first mistake by making myself too easy. No, you first mistake was not realising this was wrong after the first time she tried to kiss you. I feel sorry for her BF having a skank for a GF!! Sorry, but given the fact you iopenly knew what you was doing was totally wrong I struggle to feel any sympathy for you on this one.... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 This sounds like a situation where "you "can't see the forest for the trees." If you were to ever win her over, you'd have a girl that is capable of cheating on,and lying to her boyfriend. Where do you see the prize in this? Link to comment
UniqueSoul Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 stay away from this girl. someone who is so willing to cheat like that is not mature enough for a serious relationship Link to comment
Eocsor Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Congrats, you're an adulterer now. Way to go. Leave this girl alone. You know what YOU are doing is wrong. You are just as at fault here as her. You need to look at your moral compass and straighten yourself out. Link to comment
Distant Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 You need to let this go. Sign up for a dating site or something. Time to move on. Link to comment
johnbarnes Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 Is it that simple? How can I manage to ignore her next time she calls? You are all right and I have had enough of this now. I never thought I would be capable of being the other man before this situation and I can safely say it hasn't been worth it. If I find out someone is attached now I won't be getting close to them. I leave to live abroad in 2 months I put this off and my job because one night she was crying that she wanted me to stay... Link to comment
Eocsor Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Is it that simple? How can I manage to ignore her next time she calls? Yes, it's that simple. You are a man quite capable of making the right choice, not a six year old child. The only reason you would still take her calls is because you've conciously chosen to do the wrong thing. It's all on you now. It's no one elses fault. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 How do you manage to ignore her calls? When the phone rings and your caller ID says it is her, you put the phone down. Walk away. You are being used, and you are acting in a manner that doesn't say much for you as a man. Link to comment
johnbarnes Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 So it's time to man up let her go and move on with my life. When she eventually finishes with her boyfriend I shouldn't be there for her either. She has shown her true colours and now I need to let it go. Thanks for the advice Link to comment
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