lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I have known him for 6 months. He has cheated on his girlfriend with me, apparently his relationship (3 years) with her is a bit rocky. he said to me at the beginning he doesn't want anything serious. he got a bit upset/worried when i accidentally rang his girlfriend. however.... He texts me a lot in the week, tries to ring me and see me at any chance he gets. he is unbelievably sweet to me: showering me with compliments, always saying how much he misses me and likes me. when i'm with him i can tell he feels lucky to be with me, and hes said to me that he has really deep feelings for me now. he cant stop holding me when we are together, and he has been asking my friend questions about me and telling her how amazing i am. i just found out the other day from his brother that he has been lying about things i have done when i'm with him,(like: i got off the bed, shut the door and switched off the light because i was so eager to have sex) obviously he done this to impress them.......this hurt me, and has given me a wake up call to question whether i'm being played or not??? Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You just answered your own question when you said "he has a girlfriend." Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 He is playing you both. And he picked someone he could pull the wool over on, someone not in the same life stage as him. Run away. Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You are his bit on the side nothing more. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 If his girlfriend gets wind of this, he'll deny ever knowing you. Where do you see this going? Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 thank you for your comments. i find it extremely hard to like a person so this is new to me and i don't just want to let it go. i am a wise girl and would never go into a relationship with him. i think i just want to know whether hes playing with my emotions....he is 25 and may know a lot more than me therefore am i just silly to believe that somethings he expresses to me are genuine? and is this how guys treat their * * * * budies? or could he possibly be thinking about being with me but being held back by the fact he thinks i would never be with him and i'm too young and hes already in a safe relationship and wouldn't risk that on someone who may mess HIM around? Link to comment
mindi Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 He is treating you this way because you give him what he wants, thrilling, no strings attached sex. He isn't someone you can have anything else with! There are no deeper feelings here, even if he says there is. All long term relationships have "rocky" moments as nothing is ever perfect. If he didn't want his current GF anymore, he would leave her. Link to comment
lady00 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 He has a girlfriend. Please think about someone other than yourself here. You are not the victim getting played here. Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 thank you for your comments. i find it extremely hard to like a person so this is new to me and i don't just want to let it go. i am a wise girl and would never go into a relationship with him. i think i just want to know whether hes playing with my emotions....he is 25 and may know a lot more than me therefore am i just silly to believe that somethings he expresses to me are genuine? and is this how guys treat their se* budies? or could he possibly be thinking about being with me but being held back by the fact he thinks i would never be with him and i'm too young and hes already in a safe relationship and wouldn't risk that on someone who may mess HIM around? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 If he wanted to be with you, he would dump his girlfriend and do so. He thinks you are just something on the side, and you are putting up with it. Please end this so you can find a guy who doesn't have a girlfriend and wants to be with you and only you. Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 If you are wise then you would stop sleeping with him and stop contact. He has a partner, not only are you disrespecting yourself you are disrespecting her. He does not want to be with you, he is using you for sex, he will stay with his current partner. Do the decent and respectful thing by stopping contact with him, show him that you respect yourself by telling him enough is enough. Think of his girlfriend, not only is he doing a disgusting thing to her but so are you, you are aware of her so stop treating her with disrespect and leave her partner alone. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 A 25 year old man sleeping with a 17 year old girl, even with her consent is statutory rape in the USA. I guess he knows this. Forget him. Angel Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 woow isit??? i live in the uk btw ......but interesting Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Ask yourself, what possible reason would a 25 year old man have for being in touch with a 17 year old girl. None of the answers are good. It's not sweet, or good or appropriate. Frankly, it's creepy, devious, and potentially illegal. The guy is most definitely a "player," and if he continues as such, has a good chance of seeing jail time. Cut and run and never look back. Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 hes immature for his age and hangs around with 17 year olds ........does this make any sort of difference to the age gap? Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 OP may i ask what you are wanting from him and will you continue your 'arrangement' with him? Because age gap or not what both of you are doing is morally wrong. Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 if hes a cheater he will do it anyway with me or not. i will never date him like i said ....i would force myself not to, but i cnt help that i like him and tbh will probably see him again. Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Why would you want to carry on with a guy who you could potentially develop more feelings for? Have you thought about the other girl involved here, this isn't fair on her so you should stop before this situation could potentially get worse. For example she could find out. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 No, he is not playing you. He has been upfront about the fact that he has a girlfriend and just wants to mess around with you. You are not a victim. By continuing to mess around with him, you are playing yourself. And no, I highly doubt he is considering being with you as (1) he has already chosen the person he's going to be in a relationship with, and (2) he very likely has no respect for you b/c you've shown you have none for yourself. Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 because i like that i have feeling for someone for once...its very hard for me. its hard to think of his girlfriend when i have never seen her and from the things he has told me shes not a nice person....that obviously doesnt make what im doing right but i hate the thought of throwing something away that im enjoying alot. i really dont know what to do Link to comment
lady00 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 if hes a cheater he will do it anyway with me or not. i will never date him like i said ....i would force myself not to, but i cnt help that i like him and tbh will probably see him again. Maybe, maybe not. It certainly doesn't mean it has to be you. If there were no people like you willing to fill that role, there would be no cheating. What an amazing world that would be. You can't help that you like him but you can help seeing him again. It's easy, just don't. Sadly, it sounds like you will. I feel bad for his girlfriend. It's sad that so many people lack any sense of responsibility to fellow human beings. You wouldn't push a stranger in front of a bus would you? And yet so many people think it's OK to cheat with someone they know is in a relationship knowing full well it's very likely to end in pain for that other person. I don't get that. Emotional pain can be just as bad as physical pain sometimes. Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 if he didnt respect me he wouldnt do or say anything nice which is why i find that hard to believe, he would treat me like a * * * * buddy...but he doesnt. Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You dont know her so do not go by what HE is telling you. It is most probably a pack of lies. He isn't going to tell you how sweet and lovely she is because you would disappear. You will have feelings for someone else, but the feelings you have for this guy (and acting on them) is completely inappropriate and you need to stop it before it gets worse. You may be enjoying it for now, but i dont think you realise how you are making yourself look to him. Calichick made the point that you are showing him that you have no respect for yourself and that is why he is carrying on with you, he can see you have no confidence in yourself and low self esteem and he knows you wont leave him. You know what you need to do. Sometimes good things (not a good thing in other peoples opinions) needs to come to an end before people get hurt. You could get hurt by developing more feelings for him and he rejects you, the girl could find out and come for you. It is a very dangerous and messy ground you have got yourself into so you need to leave before you potentially make a worse situation. Have respect for yourself, leave him. He is treating you like dirt because he knows he can get away with it, he knows you will hang around. He will say things to keep you there, for example, him saying his partner is nasty (when she most probably isnt). Wouldnt you rather be with a guy who is single, who only wants you and shows you respect? Link to comment
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 i completely agree with you. but what your asking me to do is not think of myself and just think of her (someone i dont even know) and thats a hard thing to do. i will be ignoring him to spear her feelings. and it is not inevitable that i will get hurt there is a chance of me not so dont say thats a reason i should do it. Link to comment
Furbys Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 No i am telling you you should do it for your own self worth and self respect. He doesnt respect you. Link to comment
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