What if......

[thechef100]

A girl declines a second date because she has specific plans but doesn't suggest an alternative time?

 

Normally the failure to suggest an alternative time means you're finished. Most guys, including me, know this from experience.

 

But I'm interested to know from a lady's perspective.....does it ALWAYS mean she isn't interested? Or could she be playing hard to get? Even if the first date went really well and she indicated at the end that she wanted to catch up again?

 

Would you bother chasing a girl like this?

[Nearbot]

It could just mean she wasn't sure of when she could hang out next. Give her time to try to initiate something. Don't keep chasing though. The ball is in her court!

[RedDress]

You know... these kinds of questions (the way this was worded) kind of makes me chuckle. We women don't have a manual that we must follow, you know. LOL! We are each unique and sometimes, therefore, do our own thing.

 

Think of it like this. If you just met some dude and were trying to befriend him... you hang out once... then the next time you ask him to hang out he says he has plans but he doesn't offer an alternative... isn't it the same thing? It's kinda weird. It's not what most people do. He could be trying to dodge you a little cause he doesn't want to hang out. He could just be busy.

 

It's really the same thing.

 

So, really - your options are the same. You can ask her out once (and only once!) more. Or you can leave the ball in her court. Because ultimately, if she really, really likes you? She will find a way to ask you out. Attraction is a two-way street.

 

But... asking her out over and over is really not a good plan. It does make you look kind of desperate. And desperate is not sexy.

[thechef100]

Both fair points. RedDress - I understand where you're coming from. Normally if I heard this response I wouldn't bother chasing at all but this was pretty much the best first date I've ever been on, including previous relationships, and I could tell she was really into me. So probably overthinking this and I know she's a busy girl anyhow. Just kind of spooked me that she didn't suggest an alternative date. Will give it another try as you say but kind of gutted if it doesn't progress......

[alwaysmoving]

She probably isn't interested. Sometimes what you think was a great first date wasn't so great for her. It's mean but I went on a few dates with a guy. The first night we met we got ice cream and sat there talking for 3+ hours. He was really nice to talk to but I kind of already knew I didn't have a romantic connection with him. We hung out again anyway like two or three more times because I was hoping it would blossom because he was very nice, but it didn't. He was probably dumbfounded too. Don't call her or anything, she broke the plans so it's her job to make new ones. If I broke plans with a guy I really liked, I would never just say that without adding "but I'm free Thursday..." or something like that.

[dumpedinshock]

If I broke plans with a guy I really liked, I would never just say that without adding "but I'm free Thursday..." or something like that.

 

So there IS a manual

[alwaysmoving]

Kind of, yes. Lol.

[Day_Walker]

A failure to suggest alternative plans can mean that she isn't interested but if you want to know for sure then you ask her out again, just to see how she responds.

[magnoliatree]

I only do that when I'm not very interested. Sometimes if the guy persists we'll go out again, but my interest is definitely low. If I really like a guy, I'll try to find another time to hang out and either offer some times right then or clearly indicate that I want to see him again and that I just have to check on my schedule (and get back to him promptly).