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Almost married and a professional


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Wasn't really sure where to put this. So hopefully it's ok. Here goes...


There's this young woman (early 20's) living in a supported housing. She has some emotional problems, just needs some support until she feels more ready to go out into the wide world. She's not learning delayed or anything like that. I'd say she'd be considered attractive to most people. Not stunngly drop-dead gorgeous, but attractive. There is a support worker working in the house most nights. He's in his mid 30's. His job is basicaly to sleep in, and be there to support anyone if needs be (there are other residents of course) Guess I should mention he's planning on getting married next year! He's in a long-distance relationship - she's living in a different country for now. The girl was going through an extra rough patch. She was hurting herself, so would go into the office quite reguarly for a while. The guy would talk to her, nurse her cuts etc. as he is meant to...nothing out of the ordinary there. She would spill her guts to him, telling about things that have happened to her, how she's feeling etc. again, that's what he is there for, so fine. He became a crutch of sorts. She thought he was attractive, but didn't have feelings for him at the time.


Things started running a bit smoother for her. For a little while, she wasn't seeing him as much. Just a basic hello when he came in etc. But at some point, she went into the office, and they just talked about regular stuff. Music, TV, Movies, career goals etc. They have a lot in common, very similar tastes in things. She found herself going up to the office every evening. At first the conversations weren't that long. She'd have a little chat, then leave. There was a TV show that had been on for probably a few weeks to a month. It was on once a week. He randomly started coming down to watch it. They would talk about it a lot when not watching it. She realised around this point she had feelings for him. She'd look forward all day to seeing him. It started being a regular thing, she would go into the office when he's on duty, and usually stay there for a couple of hours. And in her opinion, it seemed like his face would light up when she walked in.


She started flirting with him. For example - telling him she loves a man with tattoos. He has sleeves. Whenever he would roll his t-shirt up, she would look at his arms and grin. He would grin/laugh back. One thing I find especially curious - if the girl would refer to his partner as "your wife" he's very quick to say "I'm not married!" with a laugh. They were once talking about relationships. He said something along the lines of - "humans are weired, sometimes when were in a relationship we feel trapped and don't want to be. But when we aren't, we want one." She said "yeah, and you want what you can't have" and he nodded.


She got upset about her feelings for him. She told him she likes him. He said he was flattered, and she has a lot to give. But he has professional boundaries. He said nothing can happen. She would laugh, saying rules are for breaking. He would laugh back, saying he can't. He said he won't break them, because he'd be taking advantage. But this led to them making jokes out of it. Sometimes he will mention professional boundaries, even when she hasn't said anything related. He will grin and say something like "yeah, gotta keep those professional boundaries" Like he WANTS to talk about it?


I think they flirt with eachother by expressions too. They will look at eachother, almost like they have a secret or something. They will grin at each other. She will say something around other residents, that would be related to her feelings for him, but they wouldn't understand. Then would put her hand over her mouth like she's said something wrong. Looks him up and down, and he makes a face like he's trying not to giggle. Even blushes at times. He looks her up and down too. They were talking about when she gets a place of her own eventually. The guy said something about would she want a single or double bed. She said definitely a double. He said "yeah, you need to be able to spread out" she made a shocked expression, he made the same one back, and tried to explain what he meant. He says she says some shocking an innapropiate things, but he said it with a grin. He told her that eventually he's probably going to be made redundant. Nothing to do with the situation of course, just the way it is.


Would you say this is innocent? What's going on with them?

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Don't take it for more than it is... he's already said he's in a relationship and engaged, and that nothing can or will happen because it is inappropriate. He's also 15 years older than she is, and may see her as 'cute', but in the way an older person sees a teenager as 'cute' but not a serious prospective partner.


He sounds very open and friendly, but he's engaged and also in a professional capacity and quite a bit older, so I wouldn't read too much into it... it's his job to take care of you, and to try to make you feel better and gain more confidence. But he hasn't said/done anything sexual, and in fact is telling you he's flattered, but it's not going to happen.

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