Needs Some Advice, heres my story

[yellowclaw1030]

Okay so i need some Advice about NC but im going to start from the beginning of the breakup.

 

So me and my ex had been dating just under 2 years (im 22, shes 20) when on November 8th after spending the whole day together (holding hands, her telling me what she is going to get me for christmas, kissing me goodbye and telling me she loves me) then that night she breaks up with me without actually directly telling me she wants to break up (says she feels there is no romance between us, doesnt know if things can be fixed, etc).

 

So i left her alone for 2 days then on that thursday i tried to go talk to her in person but she barely even wanted to talk to me she told me she doesnt understand what the big deal is and that she is stressed out and just wants to focus on herself. So once again i left her alone and that friday my friends took me out to a few bars and a club (which i normally dont do) and at the club i ran into a girl that i have known (my brother is the godfather to her brothers daughter) i added the girl on facebook not thinking much about it then on sunday i tried contacting my ex again and she blew up on me telling me im fake and im changing that i did things i normally dont do and added some random girl on facebook. I explained to her that my friends took me out and who this girll is, but she was still mad at me.

 

So i left my ex alone once again and didnt contact her until November 25th where i asked if she wanted to go grab a bite to eat, she said yes and we went had a bite to eat and just sat and talked and hung out for a while. Everything went really well but my ex made one weird comment about "just a friend" which i left alone till i got home that night. When i got home i asked her to be honest with me and tell me if there is another guy and she tells me no not really that she is just keeping her options open, so i asked her again and she tells me that yes she met a guy a week after we broke up and that they just hung out nothing happened, and then tells me i just made things weird between us.

 

After that i stopped talking to her then the next day i was upset and messaged her saying that i did not make things weird that none of this is my fault that i always tried to give her the best and that i dont understood how things changed so fast. We ended up exchanging a few nasty texts then stopped. Later that night she texts me asking me what the difference is if she startings hanging out with other guys now or a month from now, that either way it would still bother you. I told her that yes it would because i still have alot of feelings for her and i couldnt stand to see her with someone else. She then tells me that i dont get it which then i told her that i cant read her mind. after that she goes on to tell me that can we stop argueing she wants to be friends still. I told her i couldnt be her friend right now because of my feelins, so she tells me then i guess your dropping me out of your life completely to which i responded no thats not what i want. so she tells me not to and i said i just still have alot of feelings and it hurts. about 30mins later she texts me asking then why did you hang out with me on friday, i told her idk i felt there was still a chance and she goes well thats not my fault, so i told her no just my own which she follow up with thanks now i feel like an * * * * * * * , im going goodnight. I just told her goodnight then didnt talk with her until this friday when i texted her saying goodluck at her court date (speeding ticket), she responded kind of cold and told me it got rescheduled. Thats the last i have talked to her.

 

I have been NC since and i plan to keep with it but the last thing i want to do is end things on a bad note with her, i want to make things right and let her know why im staying out of contact and why i cant be friends. She was the greatest thing to walk into my life and even if we cant get back together the last thing i want is for her to think badly of me or hate me so have been thinking of sending her a letter (explaining everything) or something on her birthday which is the 14th and also the 15th is our anniversary. Im just hung up i dont know if this is a good idea or not, she just left out of the blue i cant think of any signs or anything that would of hinted this was going to happen. There may have been times i was an * * * * * * * or we fought but it was not often and i always made up or apologized, i felt we were perfect for each other and other people also thought so too.

 

In the mean time though i have been trying to keep myself busy by religiously going to the gym everyday (sometimes 2 times aday) and hanging out with friends. Sorry for the long winded essay i just need to get this out

 

 

**Thanks for the edit**

[Flyingpiglet]

The best thing you can do... DO NOT contact her.

You have told her enough already, that you still have feelings for her and are not comfortable being friends. You don't need to explain yourself anymore.

She chose to leave for whatever reason. Keep your dignity intact and just walk away now, do not follow any attempts of contact from her...

 

She will play with your heart and emotions for as long as you allow her to.

[yellowclaw1030]

well today my ex randomly texted me saying. Not trying to be a jerk, but I had to send you this! With a picture attached of a pair of starwars lightsaber chopsticks (lol)

 

anyway as i got the text i was in the middle of talking with another friend and accidently replied to her saying. Haha. i didnt want to respond to any texts i received from her but atleast what i sent wasnt much and applied somewhat to her text. she hasnt responded and i dont think she will

[yellowclaw1030]

Well just to follow up on that little misshape, my ex ended up contacting me and asking how i was and we ended up talking about everything.

 

She told me she hates how things are weird between us and that we arent talking, shes loves me but is not in love with me and still really cares about me.

 

but to make the long convo short. I finally found out what her reasons where even though i think they are weak bad reasons. She said she loves me but isnt in love me and still really cares about me but didnt want to drag on a relationship. So i told her that at the moment that i really cant be friends with her because she is still the love of my life and that it would hurt. she was upset by this since she wants to stay in contact so i told her im sorry but this is how it has to be i still love her but apparently the feeling isnt mutual so i need my space and time.

 

She was upset, but in the end i feel like even though it sucks she isnt going to be in my life after spending everymoment of the past 2 years with her that this conversation was good and that i finally was able to get all my feelings out to her and her to me without argueing. I guess this is what closure feels like.

[abitbroken]

Welll...no kidding its weird...you broke up.

 

After this, I think that you should not contact her again. Don't respond to her texts. Good for you to set her straight on not being able to be friends.

[yellowclaw1030]

she contacted me first and i have no intentions of contacting her, and i dont think she will be contacting me again anytime soon. I think she finally understand im serious about this and also she is mad/upset about it but thats not my problem she broke up with me not the other way around.