Is there a way to test or a question to find out if your ex is a manipulator?

[Pirandello]

She said it is over, since last week, yet she was being affectionate all week. This morning we had another argument about money and 50/50 expenses of living. She said thank you for reminding me why i am leaving, she wanted to go back to her moms and leave her stuff here and then decide if she come back or not. But i knew that once a person decides it's over, there is no coming back. The reasons why she left in the first place remain the same. Maybe she thought i was going to beg her to stay, i cannot be with a woman who is unfair with me. When she asked me, she asked if she could leave her stuff here until she found a new place and to don't have any hope that she would come back. So clearly she just wanted to use my apartment as a warehouse for her junk. There is plenty of space in her mom's basement. I feel more and more i was with a manipulator.

 

Is there a way to be sure she was a manipulator?

[sadchick83]

I have read your post since your BU. I feel this argument about money is an "out" for her. So yes, she is manipulating you by not being forthright about the actual reason for your break up. I think you mentioned this is the third break up? Relationships are not supposed to be full of turmoil. I would call her a selfish "user."

[DN]

You already have enough information to decide that.

 

IMO she is very much a manipulator - she wanted you to provide her living for her and I do believe that is her prime and possibly only motive. If you won't she will find someone else who will.

 

She is still trying to take advantage even now.

[Pirandello]

Thanks for your quick replies guys, Now i know i am not crazy and i had a good gut feeling. I must break all contact with this woman, she is a user and her life is a mess and she is taking me down with her in her mess. I used to have a super organized apartment and this reflected the way my life was. Then she moved in with me and my apartment has been messy, disorganized and it just got worse and worse with time. I feel like this relationship is a sinking ship with no compass or destination. It's time to end it. She is clearly selfish and not a team player.

[DN]

Thanks for your quick replies guys, Now i know i am not crazy and i had a good gut feeling. I must break all contact with this woman, she is a user and her life is a mess and she is taking me down with her in her mess. I used to have a super organized apartment and this reflected the way my life was. Then she moved in with me and my apartment has been messy, disorganized and it just got worse and worse with time. I feel like this relationship is a sinking ship with no compass or destination. It's time to end it. She is clearly selfish and not a team player.

OK, then tell her to get her stuff out. She can either store it with her mother or somewhere else but your apartment is not a warehouse and you don't need reminders of a relationship gone bad hanging around.

[Thorshammer]

I didnt read your other posts, but i dont see any clear signs of anything on this post.

 

If she is playing games, then it will be a lot of push and pull mixed messages (which you slightly indicated). It will be a constant power-struggle for blame between you two.

 

I would tell her that you can help her move her stuff out, since its taking up space. Avoid fights and arguements, just ignore them and be civil with no emotion. Dont let her get a rise out of you. Look up "tests" women play (yes, i know men play them too, but hes not dating a man) to see if that makes any sense to her behavior.

[Pirandello]

The move is done, i helped her move her stuff, Her mother was polite and offered me lunch, we talked about about food and other subjects, then we went back to my place to gather last remainders. We hugged and i stayed civil about it, i offered her to call me anytime she needs to talk or needs advice. She called me last night to say goodnight.

[DN]

Well done. You seem to have handled that well except it was perhaps not wise to have told her to call you but even that is no big deal.