facebook

[jam619]

Im sure this subject is brought up a lot. but the other day me and my girlfriend were talking about Facebook. I asked why she never leaves comments, but I always see her logged on when she's not with me. So I asked if she IM's people or messages people through their email system. But yet when we're together I always see her phone getting updates and she deletes them right away. But when I asked she started laughing and asked me if I wanted to know her password. I was shocked with her response, but didnt know how to answer, but I said yes and she gave me an answer. And didnt have an issue telling her mine because I have nothing to hide.

 

So the other day I was curious to know if she told me the truth about her password well come to find out it wasnt. Should I bring this up?

[ToF]

So you were upset because she never comments on your Facebook? And you were upset because she instant messages people?

 

If I'm understanding you correctly, then these are very petty things to argue about. Why do you care so much about her Facebook activity? Has she ever given you reason not to trust her?

[jam619]

again we've never argued over it. and no im not upset because she doesnt comment on my FB. I stated she is on FB when Im not with her, but she never updates her status or comments on mutual friends pages. but yet she gets updates on her phone when we're together thats why I brought it up. Yes she has at times given me a reason to be suspicious.

 

But that is not my question. Should I bring up the fact she wasnt honest about telling me her password when I had no issue telling her mine.

[ToF]

Okay ... So you think she's talking to someone else on Facebook, but won't own up to it. Am I correct?

 

Why are you with someone whom you don't trust?

 

Perhaps she accidentally gave you the wrong password, perhaps you spelled it wrong, perhaps one or both of you remembered it incorrectly, or perhaps she flat-out lied to you. It could be any number of reasons.

 

As to whether or not you should bring it up to her, I say that depends on if you think it's worth it. If you REALLY want to make a relationship work with someone you don't have a deep sense of trust in, then no, don't bring it up. It will cause conflict, and likely nothing will get resolved.

 

But if you want to risk either a) exposing her as a possible cheater, b) her dumping you for accusing her of lying, c) finding out it was an honest mistake and feeling silly for worrying about nothing ... Then yes, bring it up to her.

 

It all depends on what you feel is worth it.

[OptomisticGirl]

No. You are completely making a mountain out of a mole hill here. Who cares if she doesn't comment on other people's pages? Who cares if she communicates to friends through messages?

 

Instead of bringing up the fact she gave you the wrong password, bring up the fact you don't trust her.

[jam619]

i dont think it thats i dont trust her i find it hard to believe she would be seeing someone else when Im with her most of the time. But i do believe she thought I wouldnt try the password, but why lie to me about it? I could care less about what she does on other peoples pages. I honestly just want to know why she felt the need to lie to me, but I dont want to make it seem like a trust issue.

 

if she wants her own privacy than fine just tell me and Ill respect that but dont lie to me about it just to shut me up

[ToF]

I stated she is on FB when Im not with her, but she never updates her status or comments on mutual friends pages. but yet she gets updates on her phone when we're together thats why I brought it up. Yes she has at times given me a reason to be suspicious.

 

How is this not a trust issue?

 

It sounds like you are really bothered by this password thing. Bring it up to her and see what happens. Maybe it's all a silly misunderstanding. But the fact remains that the reason she gave you her password in the first place, was because you were bothered enough by her updates to ask her about it.

[jam619]

very true im just thinking of how to ask her because i dont want it to be an issue

[ToF]

It WILL be an issue if you ask her about it.

 

But maybe it SHOULD be an issue. It sounds like you aren't being fully honest with yourself about your level of trust in her, so maybe this is the wake-up call you need to address this problem.

[jam619]

well i guess it wouldnt be an issue if she was honest in the first place about it. and maybe this is whats needed in order to find out what direction this relationship is going to go

[ToF]

Right ... But the original issue was you being uncomfortable with her getting updates on her phone all the time. So really, this password issue is just a symptom of that.

[jam619]

thanks hopefully its nothing because every other aspect of our relationship is great

[sadchick83]

Personally, I find it weird when, for example, when married people make mundane comments on each other's Facebook pages. Like, discuss it at breakfast already. You are with her a lot, why do you need an audience for your communication? Maybe she changed he password right after she gave it to you.

 

It seems you have some trust issues with her, that's fine, but it looks really weak spying on her Facebook.

[OptomisticGirl]

well i guess it wouldnt be an issue if she was honest in the first place about it. and maybe this is whats needed in order to find out what direction this relationship is going to go

 

Yeah, this is a complete trust issue. You passive aggressively hinted that she could be talking to someone else and when asked for her password, you didnt say no - you said yes.