How do I do NC if we live together?

[mfic]

I posted another thread about a different situation. Now it has gotten so so much worse. It started Friday when a friend of mine ive known for over 20 years, who was drinking as was my wife and everybody but me, grabbed my wife's boob at a party. I didnt make a scene or say anything. After we got home I was irrated my friend did that. She was intoxicated but aware and fired into me that I need to lighten up, and just laid into me. She appologized the next morning on Saturday. Everything was fine till last night when she said she is going Monday to hang with her friends and spend the night at a casino( see other thread) I asked for details and she blew up got angry punched the door and said maybe I should be married to you. I don't like being questioned and maybe im better off being single. Now Im really upset. When we got up for work she said whats wrong I said you never appologized even she said I was about to and I want to forget about last night and move forward. We have been married six years and 2 years ago she cheated, we split for 6 months and have been back together 1yr 4 months and great. better than ever until Friday and last night. Obv something has been brewing deep down and I didn't know it. So my questions are: Was that a fluke and she said something out of anger? or is it serious as I think? How do I do LC while we live together? and she does not want to talk about it further. So asking to talk about it will make it worse, and she said I want to forget it and not talk about it any more. Im so confused, hurting, and have no clue what to do now!!

[abitbroken]

Why are you taking steps people take once they break up when you haven't broken up? Some people shoot off things like "i should have never married you" to be hurtful but they don't mean it. Instead of rolling over and playing dead, you should be working on your marriage. Any NC/LC will be taken as "the silent treatment". If she goes out on a girl's night/weekend it doesn't mean that she is breaking up with you. Let her go and maybe when she comes back everyone will have cooled off and you can talk.

 

I really think many were in the wrong on Friday, but you could have said "hey guys, lay off her" or you could have rescued your wife by sitting with her and jokingly say "hey, those boobs are spoken for, guys." Or taken her home if she was drinking. That is something that is worthy of a husband stepping in for his wife's honor whether you think she has one or not and looking out for her well being. It is taken differently than later complaining about what she did.

 

I guess bottom line - dont be obvlious. You are an equal participant in this marriage.

[abitbroken]

I read your other threads and you mention you tiptoe around her. I think that is part of the problem. If you actually told her what you wanted, or took the lead, it would surprise her. She mentioned she would go to the casino with the girls because you didn't speak up about it - and then were upset that she is going. why not say next time "hey honey, what if we left the kids with grandma and had a hot weekend in a hotel room - just the two of us? with a hot tub. How bout it?" She would be shocked. I am not saying she is totally in the right, but you need to step up and have a stake in this.

[mfic]

I was standing next to her and he came up behind her, she didnt see it coming. And I did joke about it at the moment. I never blamed her or said it was her fault. As for the night away I do that often. We are actually going to Vegas for vacation in 3 weeks and we go do one night get aways on the weekend often. That is why im shocked all this came out right now, just like that. Last night she said "don't tip toe, not saying something thinking ill get upset but dont tell me something is an issue either" that's confusing and why I tip toe. I don't want to create issues or over react. I can't say how I feel, and If I do It gets her upset.

[abitbroken]

And I did joke about it at the moment. I never blamed her or said it was her fault.

 

Well, you came here presenting Friday night starting to go bad, etc. If it was something that wasn't her fault and you didn't blame her for, why did you bring it up as a problem then? Also, there is a difference between nervously joking to try to join in on the joke, versus trying to tell people in a lighthearted way that something is inappropriate (touching your wife), and pressing the issue if people don't get it.

 

Last night she said "don't tip toe, not saying something thinking ill get upset but dont tell me something is an issue either"

 

There is a difference between saying something the moment something happens vs waiting, biding your time and then saying "honey, this is an issue" and having a "talk."

[mfic]

Abit- Thank you for the responses. Thank you for the help. I am trying to figure out why everything has been great, now not. It's hard when I treated with love, affection, one day and 3 days later get the cruel, cold, evasive treatment. I asked what happened in 3 days, she said nothing. I said why the change, she said there is no change. I said yes you are now being evasive, cold, non affectionate and that bothers me and makes me think something is up. I don't change from day to day, so why is she? I am still so confused and do not understand these swings in treatment