i really want to text her.

[jbug]

i am not cause theres no point.

 

is it bad to have hope? i know most will say yes. but isnt hope powerful?

 

is it still bad i i hold on to hope for now til i feel better?

 

no one has good stories of getting back?

 

im crushed

[Scuza]

You can't have hope and get better at the same time.

Hope is an anchor that holds you in place, preventing you from moving on.

You need to let it go before you can move forward.

[Furbys]

You are making a new thread everyday about this. You need to do things to stop thinking about her, its over.

 

Hope will make your healing take longer and it is going to hurt you more. You need to accept its over.

[Thorshammer]

Have hope for mankind and finding new love, but hope with an ex got me nothing but pain. Hope is worthless with someone who rejected you.

 

Kill her memory dude. Start switching your life around, jog for one hour every 3 days, take up karate lessons, do something, but dont think about her.

[CMS]

Your breakup was fresh and is therefore common and ok to have hope, but you will find out that in time, that hope will fade and replaced by numbness and occasional fond memory of the previous relationship. Bear in mind though your hope right now is analogous to the drug addict seeking that rush of heroine after just started rehab, keep fighting it (work on yourself and keep busy) and you will find the urge will diminish over time.

[LastMan]

Stay strong man, there's plenty of people here going through the same thing.

 

Don't be weak. Texting her is weakness.

[jbug]

ok all good but isnt this "getting back". i cant be the only one who still has memories that hurt, the only one who wants their love back.

 

its no good to hope while you keep moving?

 

its my word, if she called right now and said she wanted to try again, i would feel great but say no. thats the truth, i have a lot of growing to do.

 

im the same dude she said she wanted to father her kids with. that was 2 months ago. i lost myself and am going through stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with her but put a strain on the relationship.

 

i am on my way to correct my stuff with or without her but doesnt mean i dont believe shes the one.

 

still, its some ish that is a "getting back" post and not anyone has a positive outlook on getting back.

[Liraele]

Your story is your own, hon. Reading other people's successes and failures can give you hope, yes - but it doesn't mean that your story will have the same ending, or a similar ending, or even the ending that you hope for. You could find a situation IDENTICAL to yours, and you still could not guarantee that they would have the same outcome. When two unique people are involved, the results are unpredictable. That's part of what makes the game of love fun.

 

You're struggling, and it's normal. How long have you been broken up now? (I can't remember.) The recovery process is different for everyone, but people are right when they say that continuing contact - even non-verbal, non-visual contact - will delay your healing process. You can still do it, but you have to be aware of the consequences. When you're truly ready to heal and move on, you'll be able to make the tough decisions to do exactly what needs to be done.

 

Until then, you'll continue posting threads like this. You have to really, truly, WANT to feel better - and that feeling absolutely needs to be independent of your ex.

[Fun Boater 1]

Hoping for what? Hoping to get back together? You can hope all you want, but like they say - "wish in one hand, and sh*t in another, and see which one fills up first". The sooner you realize she is gone for good, the better off you are going to be, and the easier it will be to move forward. Think about what your life was like before you even got with her. Were you happy and content with your life before this woman entered it? I'm guessing you were, and you will feel that way again in time. This woman does not define you as a person, nor is she responsible for your happiness. YOU are responsible for your own.

 

Say you did text her. What would you say in that text, Jbug? I'm curious.

[jbug]

no didnt text her. but if i did i would just say that i love her still.

 

i know its stupit thats why i didnt do it.

[Fun Boater 1]

ok all good but isnt this "getting back". i cant be the only one who still has memories that hurt, the only one who wants their love back.

 

its no good to hope while you keep moving?

 

still, its some ish that is a "getting back" post and not anyone has a positive outlook on getting back.

 

There are very few "success" stories about getting back together because getting back together happens so rarely. We've all been there. Like you, I was dumped by a girl who I swore was the "the one". Everthing seemed so right with her I was blind to alot of red flags that were popping all over the place. I got burned really badly by her and spent months trying to come up with plans to get her back. This was 6 years ago. I was a member of this forum for a long time during my healing process. I learned a great deal about relationship dynamics and all the correspondence on here helped me to heal.

Probably the best thing I learned to accept was this: If someone can walk away from you...let them walk. Your future is never tied to someone who will leave you.".

 

Continuing to hope for her return while "moving forward" is a paradox. You dont' truly move forward if you are pining for her return. Let her go, my friend!

[Eocsor]

Hope can be a good thing if you can put it in perspective. Unfortunately your hope is like a weight around your neck and it's dragging you down.

 

You will get through this but it will take time, maybe a lot of it. It hurts to be rejected by someone we love but you do get over it and as unbelieveable as it sounds move on and find happiness with someone else.

 

For right now though give up on the idea of her coming back and move on. Only then will you start to heal.

[LaKings55]

Contact gets one's hopes up, which are quickly destroyed once some time passes without a response. Even those who send closure letters, who claim to not care if their ex responds or not, are secretly hoping for reconciliation or some crumb of contact. Closure letters, texts, really any form of contact is basically sending the message "I can't let go, PLEASE take me back, I'll do whatever you want, you can cheat on me, treat me like garbage, but I'll still be there, because my happiness completely depends on you."

[Thorshammer]

Dont.... text... her

 

You might as well make a negative statement about yourself and send it to her as a text... it will have the same effect.

 

When i left women, and they texted me all that stuff... i didnt care, i just had guilt. There is a difference between reaching out due to attraction, and reaching out due to pity. The first wont happen since its you pulling that had her cut the chord. Last thing you want is for her to resort to being mean so you can hate her so you can finally leave her alone.

[jbug]

it has come to that thor, it been 3 days nc and will not reach out to her no matter what.

she said a lot and its was all true.

"i need a man that will hold it down, i confident man, you are not the man i thought you were, you fooled me,"

is that mean??? i dont know, but it do know i wantnst that toward the end.

 

it hurts big time. and plus i have to see her. its wacked. i want her to see a strong man in me even if she never wants to date again. not a shell.

[LaKings55]

Then let silence be your strength

[LastMan]

it has come to that thor, it been 3 days nc and will not reach out to her no matter what.

she said a lot and its was all true.

"i need a man that will hold it down, i confident man, you are not the man i thought you were, you fooled me,"

is that mean??? i dont know, but it do know i wantnst that toward the end.

 

it hurts big time. and plus i have to see her. its wacked. i want her to see a strong man in me even if she never wants to date again. not a shell.

 

Stop worrying about what she thinks, it doesn't matter anymore.

 

If you have to see her, just be polite but don't get dragged into a conversation.

[EgoJoe]

Do as Thor says dude. I told you it would have been better if you had broken it off yourself. She got to passively aggressively dump you and then blame you. Not cool. You want to show her strength? When you see her, make eye contact without looking away and then roll your eyes while snickering.

 

If she tries to talk to you, blow her off. You do this until she begs to talk to you and still hold back.

[LaKings55]

When you see her, make eye contact without looking away and then roll your eyes while snickering.

 

 

Love it. Like some kind of private joke, lol. Just picturing it makes me smile

[Thorshammer]

it has come to that thor, it been 3 days nc and will not reach out to her no matter what.

she said a lot and its was all true.

"i need a man that will hold it down, i confident man, you are not the man i thought you were, you fooled me,"

is that mean??? i dont know, but it do know i wantnst that toward the end.

 

it hurts big time. and plus i have to see her. its wacked. i want her to see a strong man in me even if she never wants to date again. not a shell.

 

And I told you to do exactly that if you read the post that you asked for my advice in. A lot of posters did before and after me as well. You didnt listen, and you arent listening now. The signs of your BU was more obvious than others that I could have gambled on it.

 

Thats why I tell people (probably in your post too), you sold her a car that will break down after a few miles. How would you like it if a hot girl had a weave and fake boobies after 3 months? Fix yourself, that knowledge of confidence and carelessness is PRICELESS. In my case in life, its worth MORE than the girl I lost to get that knowledge... and take it from me, I am not an expert, i just learned this after god-knows how many failed relationships.

 

I cant guarantee she will ever come back, but i know you wont make it any better with how you are acting.

 

Also, OSCARTHESLOUCH you need to clear your private message box, i cant respond if its full. A lot of you posters have filled inboxes, and i cant respond back.

[Fun Boater 1]

Contact gets one's hopes up, which are quickly destroyed once some time passes without a response. Even those who send closure letters, who claim to not care if their ex responds or not, are secretly hoping for reconciliation or some crumb of contact. Closure letters, texts, really any form of contact is basically sending the message "I can't let go, PLEASE take me back, I'll do whatever you want, you can cheat on me, treat me like garbage, but I'll still be there, because my happiness completely depends on you."

 

YESSSSSSSSS! Very well said, and very truthful! Spot on. I sent one of those "closure" letter once after being dumped. It was a truly awesome letter, very well written, and of course I was hoping that the letter would bring tears to her eyes and bring her back. The only response I got was the occasional no message phone calls from a "hidden" number, which undoubtedly was her. Going back and reading that letter now, years later, pains me because I can't believe I was such a schmuck who actually wanted such a terrible person back. She cheated on me, broke up with me on Valentines Day over the phone, and she had a boatload of issues. Like I said earlier, I thought she was "the one" so I had major blinders on.

[LaKings55]

Trust me, I've made similar mistakes. Luckily, while writing a letter to my latest ex, I stopped myself and deleted it. I thought to myself "what are you doing? What happened to your pride, your dignity, your masculinity? Why are you letting this immature, selfish, close-minded girl with excess baggage dictate your happiness? What have you done in the past? You moved on. You've been through worse dude. You've had injuries that felt worse than this. Forget her, she's not even worth the time it would take to write this." No more. I now realize the dangers of letting emotions get the better of you and acting impulsively. Now, anytime I'm faced with a stress inducing situation, I stop, breath, consider the circumstances and work towards a rational, unemotional solution. Are there times when emotions can prove beneficial and suppressing them would be detrimental to the outcome? Of course. But, I sense the world has become too emotional. Awarding kids trophies just for showing up to school, removing any sense of accomplishment or the incentive to actually achieve. Appeasing the few at the expense of the many. Nope, not my style. It's time to stop feeling so much and start thinking. Again though, I'm not advocating for people to become like robots, but I'm arguing in favor of calm, rational thought.

[Nick Lansing]

Hope is good, I think, but please recognize the result of that hope is beyond your control. It's like hoping he weather will be a certain way. EXCEPT, you can ruin your chance of reconciliation. So move on as though it's over, but she isn't dead, so there's always hope.

 

Use se the hope as motivation to get stronger and better, but do it for yourself, not her.

[loulou37]

Hope is good, I think, but please recognize the result of that hope is beyond your control. It's like hoping he weather will be a certain way. EXCEPT, you can ruin your chance of reconciliation. So move on as though it's over, but she isn't dead, so there's always hope.

 

Use se the hope as motivation to get stronger and better, but do it for yourself, not her.

 

I so agree...i said that to my counselor, that we all hope for different thing every day, hope is doesn't rain etc...

 

so hope is part of who we are...it is there if we like it or not...it will go only when our mind is in a place to let it go.

 

loulou x

[The Mouse]

its something thats really hit me hard today, ive started to feel a bit more optimistic towards the future. I think its due to last week meeting the ex made me realise as much as we all think we can change things, re-attract etc we get lost thinking self improvements will put us in the best position, whilst really your ex isnt interested due to being emotionally detached from the situation. So in the past week ive been moving from the hoping to accepting phase

 

Its true u must give up hope to move on, while u hope and cling on u will never get better! Taken me 3.5months to believe whats really being said about here!

 

NC NC NC!!!