Why is my male friend acting like this

[ITGirl73]

A very good male friend has been acting very strange since getting togther with his latest girlfriend - he was debating about who to bring with him to a concert and then I found out that he had asked a girl out to go with him and they have been dating since then and they have been together since. He never mentioned her until I brought it up a few weeks ago and then he confirmed he had been somewhere with her but left it in a way that make it vague and abstract like they are not dating - then this week he mentioned that "we" were at a play this week so I tried to bring her up again saying aren't you lucky that your girlfriend goes to those sorts of plays with you, anything to try and get him to talk to me about her and again he just smiled and stopped the conversatiion - we have always talked about everything but this girl seems to be totally off limits.

 

I met a mutual friend of ours and even though I hate discussing him with other people I just said to him I know about Maggie and he looked at me and said did he tell you about Maggie and I said well no I saw them together and he said I believe it is going well but he is keepng her to himself, he is not letting her meet his friends that much and he is doing the same thing with her that led his previous gf to dump him, even though they mix through the same set of friends everyone apparently knew that he liked her before she knew it and then he asked her out and she accepted but this guy told me that she works most weekends and that as a result he seems to have withdrawn from his friends and he now moves back home to his parents house and spends the weekends there moping when she is not available - before dating her he had a full social life with his friends, parties, sport activities but now if she is not free he refuses to mix with his friends and spends his time with his mother, he told me that he had a full satellite entertainment system installed at his parents place but now I am wondering if he did this for his own benefit that he intends to spend his weekends there if the gf is busy.

 

I don't take it personally now since he seems to be blocking all his other friends out - this guy told me that he keeps asking this guy how Maggie is and again he seems to deflect any questions - why is acting like this -he pushed his other girlfriend out of his life by acting the same way - is it immaturity?

 

I feel that if we were friends he would talk to me about her - I may be sensitive since I have recently lost another male friend that moved on (I fancied him but he did not feel the same way) but I feel pushed out by him - we always use to text each other but since he met this girl he does not reply to my text messages so I never contact him now but he moves heaven and earth to talk to me when I meet him out.

 

I know in the first flush of romance you want to be with someone all of the time but this is 6 months old, they have known each other for a long time - is it normal to freeze your friends out and spend time with your mother when you gf is not available seems strange and I wonder maybe if I should pursue a friendship with a guy that would react this way everytime he meets a gf.

[appdev89]

Why shouldn't he freeze you out? He doesn't want his gf to feel jealous. Seems like normal protocol. That's why guy-girl friendships are harder to maintain.

 

Find yourself some girl-friends. Or expect to be treated like this if your guy friend finds a gf.

[londonbridge]

This happens all the time when people couple up. When times are good, they only have eyes for each other and time for each other. When times are bad, they come crawling back to us. I've had this happen to me so many times in my life with different friends, I just assume it's natural and don't even think about it.

 

I have learned how to cope with it by just doing my own thing, being more independent, and branching out in my social networks. Admittedly, it's not quite the same hanging out with new people, but there's not much you can do either to change your old friend's habits. Might be good to have a honest conversation...but, might need to word it carefully so that he doesn't think you are criticizing or attacking or pressuring, because if he thinks that, he'll distance himself even more.

[ITGirl73]

Thanks for that - I think it is the fact that me moves home to his parents when he is not around bothers me - she had a full life living with this friends, I don't think it is normal to completely withdraw just because she is busy it is like "I have met the one, I will stay with her and not socialise anymore" - but this behaviour might frighten her away and then where will he be - I am just worried about him

[mhowe]

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's him you are worried about. You are hurt that he is shutting you out of his life, and that you cannot find any more about this girl because he isn't "sharing" her w/ anyone. I think he is just focused on making her feel special, and has little need for the "hanging out" he used to do.