Help me please. Depression and cheating and breakups :(

[dootdoot]

So here is my story. I suffer from depression, have been unmedicated and got really drunk and cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years. it was a one night thing and I would never ever do it again. The guy was a friend of mine who I trusted but he showed his true colors and that he didn't respect me at all. I'm not saying that to absolve myself of guilt, I absolutely did the wrong thing and I hate myself for it.

 

My boyfriend is perfect. I am . I have been horrible for him for months now and the same day I cheated I decided to start meds again so I could be a happier and better girlfriend. I have been unhappy with him but i don't want to be.

 

But now I broke up with him. I don't deserve him. I didnt tell him about the cheating. But should I?

 

I do hope that one day we'll get back together. We've shared so much and he was so perfect and respectful and he loved me. All that the other night showed me was how lucky I was and what an idiot I was for it up.

 

What should i do? He would probably take me back right now. But i dont think I could lie to him about cheating. But if i told him he would definitely break up with me.

[Ramslam]

DO NOT TELL HIM...it would serve no purpose, ruin your chances of getting back together and just hurt him. you made a mistake so live with it and learn from it and DON'T do it again. Everyone makes mistakes its how we deal with the aftermath that determines who we are as a person.

[offplanet]

It'd be starting on the wrong foot to try to build the relationship again on a deception. He deserves to have all the info, to base his decision on as to whether he will take you back. I don't see why he should not be told. On medication or not on medication, they are both aspects of yourself, and the situation could arise again one day that you'd stop medication and be acting like that other person. I didn't understand whether you meant you cheated on him while you were together or after you were broken up. In either case, I think it'd be better to put all your cards on the table and tell him, along with the fact that you've decided to be on medication and be better to him. Then it's up to him what he can accept, but he will be making an informed decision.

[im_the_undead]

Jst stay broken up with him. Do him and yourself a favor and keep the distance.

Don't tell him about it, it'll only destroy him unjustly, but don't get back with him... you won't be happy

1. living a lie with your secret

2. revealing your secret which will make the both of you miserable.

 

I wouldn't bother telling him about it

to have him decide whether it'll work out again. A high percentage of married couples who try to work things out after infidelity FAIL.

And from personal experience, when my bf and I broke up, I slept with someone else during our some months of no contact.....

when we reunited and got back together, something I had NOT planned, I laid everything out on the table thinking I was doing the right thing and that he would

make a mature decision to either forgive me or leave me..... but no, he took me back because he's addicted to me, but he did not forgive me.

it's been hell.

 

THAT BEING that I didn't even cheat. Imagine if I had......

[Flyingpiglet]

If your plan is to get back together with this guy, then he deserves to know the truth of the situation first.

I'm curious to know what reasons you gave for breaking up with him?

Is he asking you to try again?

 

It wold be unfair and would likely ruin any chance of future happiness if you get back together dragging this guilt and deception with you.

 

So, you tell him and let him make a decision about whether your relationship is worth saving. And yeah, that might mean you risk losing him.

You don't tell him, get back together anyway and most likely come to a messy end further down the road because of your guilt... You end up losing him.

Or you stay apart... meaning you've already lost him!

[jessicalouise]

my husband has just cheated on me, but i knew he was lying if you were happy you wouldnt of cheated but the shoe on the other foot, i am devestated, his exscuse was he was drunk sorry but no exscuse

[JT4266]

Surely not telling him would make any reconciling a million times easier and if you broke up with him he may want to get back together with you.

 

However you have to consider that your relationship might be affected by the guilt of what you did. And if somehow he found out it would be worse than you not coming clean.

 

There is no easy decision here. If you had asked me a month ago I would have said to keep it to yourself and that's probably what you should do. However having been through a tough situation in the last week with my now ex-girlfriend I know in the future I need to be completely honest(and hence need to avoid any such transgressions).

[dootdoot]

Oh, I forgot about this thread. Thank you for the replies/advice

 

I did not tell him. We are broken up now and I think we will stay that way, as hard as it is. I'm still young (22) and I think maybe it's better that way. If we do get back together I don't think I will tell him. But who knows if that will ever happen. He wants to but I'm just not ready. I think the cheating was because I was so scared of breaking up I wanted to break the relationship.

 

I miss him a lot though. This was my first real relationship so it's hard..