Rejection and dealing with it.

[brett5673]

hey there, I'm just feeling strange, but I think I will be fine shortly. I'll try and make my thoughts clear as I can.

 

So I am studying outside of America for just one semester, and i will be headed back home in 3 weeks. About a month and half or so ago, I found a girl absolutely adorable, and I didnt know what to do. I told enough people where they convinced me to at least ask her out, even though deep down I was scared, had a gut feeling she didn't care for me, and didn't want to go through rejection again. I ended up asking her out, and she didnt mind going out, but when push came to shove and she realized I really liked her, it has now manifested into an absolute disaster.

 

Girls can be so manipulative, I don't even know if shes being manipulative anymore. But after ups and downs and being around her for the last few weeks, its just hard. Its the old "were friends but nothing more" BS. I mean shell say, theres nothing wrong with me, likes me but just in a friend way. I mean, really thats just as bad as you can do I am afraid. Ive been rejected every time by someone I like enough to get the courage to try and get close to them and it just really got to me today.

 

I wanted to really just try and focus on my work for the last 3 weeks and just move on from it, but its hard. Her best friends are mine here too, and I felt much better being around them, even when she was there, than just trying to cut them off the 3 weeks before I go back. I know its not easy on someone if they can't just tell a person they don't find them attractive, but I wish they knew how much it hurts when you have to think there truly is something wrong with me. Ive felt it all my life and days like this where I cant be with close friends, it just kills me. She has some moderate health issues and some of her levels were irregular due to stress today (She didnt say it directly to me, so I really doubt its a lie, and she looked like it).

 

But, I guess I've cynically proven myself right. People asked me "whats the worst that could happen?" If I at least tried. Well its this, an absolute meltdown of friendships and lots of drama for no sound reason. I hate it, it seems immature, and very senseless, but that doesn't take away the fact it hurts. But this just makes me just so scared. Ive been directly rejected 4 times in my life, and twice been not as directly rejected by people I care a lot for, and it jsut hurts so much, I would rather not deal with that and go on with life without trying to be with someone at this point. My life goes to ruins and I hate that. This is a vent, and i'll be OK, but just have to put my thoughts down for now. I know this place well enough where it'll be "You just gotta wait for the right one" or "don't get cynical" but I don't really need to hear that right now. Thanks anyways for reading.

[indea08]

It's better to say something and wish you hadn't than to say nothing and wish you had.

There are 3 billion females on this Earth...why are those 4 so special to be allowed to make you feel this way.

Think of it that way.

[terragon84]

Hey there,

 

Don't get discouraged.This day and age..dating can very confusing. Im not sure how you handle these dates..but my advice is to take things slow.Really get to know her and let her get to know you. Try to keep in mind that rejections happen..but that doesnt mean that you stop trying to find that special someone...it means that person wasn't right for you for whatever reason. Hope this helps

[alwaysmoving]

There are plenty more fish in the sea. There isn't anything wrong with you just because 4 people have rejected you. Your worth as a person isn't defined by how these girls see you. I've been rejected too, it sucks but you have to realize that finding someone who likes you equal to the way you like them is an extremely hard thing to do. You liked her, she didn't like you back. That is going to happen more than you liking someone and that person liking you back. It's just probability. Good for you for taking the initiative and asking her out. Keep doing that because it's good practice. Don't take rejection so personally, as hard as that is.

[brett5673]

Sorry, I hate posting cause of this and sound like this biggest * * * * * and jerk here. I know everything that will be said here, and yes it is true. I wish people could just look back at that one moment they were hurt and realize how much it sucks. I was a happy person for the last year of my life, with a good drive towards school. I like very few people and this is what happens. It's annoying and I'm not gonna put myself through something like this for at least a year my choice or not I feel. You're thinking I just want to hear what I want to hear, and its probably true. More than anything I miss my friends at this point and I am pissed off having to look towards the dark abyss of the internet that has next to no idea who I am. It feels strange and wrong.

[Winrock]

Hey, dude.

 

Here's the thing about friends: they come and go. Especially college friends; some of the folks I thought I'd be lifelong pals with have now forgotten my name, oftentimes due to some altercation involving a girl, like your situation. For example, right now I have maybe only two people in real life whom I could call and expect to pick up the phone. It's hella depressing when you think of it in those terms.

 

However, a personal hurdle I'm overcoming, which I think is a problem you might have as well, is that your emotional security depends on your acceptance by others. True, most folks would equate happiness to having good friends, but what does it say about me or you that we need other people in our lives to be satisfied with who we are? Take this period of loneliness to learn how to live on your own. Become self-sustaining, without the interruption or the concerns of others, and be content with a one-person world, because no matter what you'll be lonely again in the future. That's life. Instead of despairing, though, just recognize that as a necessary feature of the human condition and learn how to bear yourself gracefully until the next group of friends crops up.