brett5673 Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 hey there, I'm just feeling strange, but I think I will be fine shortly. I'll try and make my thoughts clear as I can. So I am studying outside of America for just one semester, and i will be headed back home in 3 weeks. About a month and half or so ago, I found a girl absolutely adorable, and I didnt know what to do. I told enough people where they convinced me to at least ask her out, even though deep down I was scared, had a gut feeling she didn't care for me, and didn't want to go through rejection again. I ended up asking her out, and she didnt mind going out, but when push came to shove and she realized I really liked her, it has now manifested into an absolute disaster. Girls can be so manipulative, I don't even know if shes being manipulative anymore. But after ups and downs and being around her for the last few weeks, its just hard. Its the old "were friends but nothing more" BS. I mean shell say, theres nothing wrong with me, likes me but just in a friend way. I mean, really thats just as bad as you can do I am afraid. Ive been rejected every time by someone I like enough to get the courage to try and get close to them and it just really got to me today. I wanted to really just try and focus on my work for the last 3 weeks and just move on from it, but its hard. Her best friends are mine here too, and I felt much better being around them, even when she was there, than just trying to cut them off the 3 weeks before I go back. I know its not easy on someone if they can't just tell a person they don't find them attractive, but I wish they knew how much it hurts when you have to think there truly is something wrong with me. Ive felt it all my life and days like this where I cant be with close friends, it just kills me. She has some moderate health issues and some of her levels were irregular due to stress today (She didnt say it directly to me, so I really doubt its a lie, and she looked like it). But, I guess I've cynically proven myself right. People asked me "whats the worst that could happen?" If I at least tried. Well its this, an absolute meltdown of friendships and lots of drama for no sound reason. I hate it, it seems immature, and very senseless, but that doesn't take away the fact it hurts. But this just makes me just so scared. Ive been directly rejected 4 times in my life, and twice been not as directly rejected by people I care a lot for, and it jsut hurts so much, I would rather not deal with that and go on with life without trying to be with someone at this point. My life goes to ruins and I hate that. This is a vent, and i'll be OK, but just have to put my thoughts down for now. I know this place well enough where it'll be "You just gotta wait for the right one" or "don't get cynical" but I don't really need to hear that right now. Thanks anyways for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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