Hitting on his cousin's girlfriend.

[Oinuma]

So I'll start this post off by admitting my own faults. I have a HARD time trusting men. I've been in numerous relationships before where I've gotten hurt pretty badly. The worst case of this was with my ex-fiancee, who I left a little over a year ago. He had a self-admitted porn and sex addiction that escalated into taking candid photos up other women's skirts. Once I found out this lovely fact I left him right away, but the wound from that was bad. We were set to be married in only a few months, had the location paid off, dress paid for, diamond ring on my finger, living together...the whole nine yards. So yes, needless to say, I've become very un-trusting of men and kind of insecure.

 

Fast forward to present day. I've been with an AMAZING man for almost eight months now. He's sweet, affectionate, goofy, had a wonderful stable job, is just great all around. However, my lack of trust has started to bite me in the arse, and I have NO clue how to turn off these insecure thoughts rampaging through my head.

 

For starters, lately he's been looking at a LOT more porn than we have been having sex. How do I know this, well...I check his phone's history to see what he's been checking out. Yup, there's that insecurity showing it's wonderful colors. What makes it even worse is that instead of just looking up your standard porno, he gets off to pictures of just normal (albeit skankily dressed and posed) women that are posted on various Internet sites. One of these sites is through our local radio station where girls can send in * * * * ty pictures of themselves to be crowned "Eye Candy of the Month". I noticed the other night he had looked through DOZENS of these pictures. Yet we're lucky to have sex twice-three times a week.

 

So I'm already feeling icky and insecure over this fact. Then, at Thanksgiving dinner with his family today, his cousin was there with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is GORGEOUS, and I've had my boyfriend comment on this fact multiple times to me. Tonight my boyfriend told me he used to (jokingly?) hit on his cousin's girlfriend all the time, to the point where she actually went to his cousin and said something about it to him. Why would he tell me this lovely fact, I'm wondering, when it doesn't help my insecurity at all. Then my boyfriend ALSO has to mention what a great and trusting relationship his cousin has with this girl, a fact that I've also heard him mention numerous times.

 

So now I'm sitting at home feeling depressed, jealous and insecure, and I have no clue how to turn it off or if I'm even justified in feeling yucky over anything. =(

[SapphireNoir10]

Men are going to look at porn or pictures of pretty girls. Maybe he has a low sex drive?? These are all things you need to talk to him about or how else can he make you trust him or tell you whats going on?

[SapphireNoir10]

Or most men* Don't want to generalise. And women do it too. Its no different than like finding johnny depp or someone hot. doesnt mean its cos he doesnt fancy you.

[Oinuma]

I know I need to talk to him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up without having to admit that I snooped in his Internet history. I guess I was hoping to find a man who didn't feel the need to look at porn every other night, but it seems those are few and far between...I suppose one thing I could easily discuss with him is the fact that sometimes he shares WAY too much information about other women with me, such as constantly commenting on his cousin's girlfriend. It's cool that he finds her attractive, I get it, enough. There are things I don't really want to know, you know?

[SapphireNoir10]

I totally understand. You need to tell him there are boundaries. you arent just his best friend you are also his girlfriend, its ok for him to find a girl hot but he doesnt have to go on about it. ask him how he'd feel the other way round and tell him you find it disrespectful. If he cares for you he'll stop.

[appdev89]

Yeah, he seems fine to me. Ask him to stop, maybe he doesn't really realize how much it bothers you. Guys can be a bit weird sometimes. Other than that, your bf seems normal to me. Looking at porn/skankily dressed women is his dose of the fantasy world. 2-3 times a week is pretty good if you're busy or don't meet everyday/live together.