no hope?

[laubry]

hey everyone, i'm new here but i have a question about everyones opinion. 7 months ago my ex broke up with me, and it was possibly the hardest thing ever for me. although we were young, and its naiive to think that we were meant for eachother, i know how i felt about him and i know how he felt about me and there was something there. we were together for 11 months, he broke up with me a month before our one year because he had too much going on in his life. he never really told me the real reason we broke up, i suspect he didn't really know, but it was the longest and hardest break up. he called me crying, hysterically saying he didnt want to ruin what we had by trying to make it work and that it would be better if it ended now, and then he went to say that he still loved me but believed in second chances and that if he loved me again he'd come back to me. and then he sent me a really long text basically telling me to never change because i meant to much to him and i was perfect the way i was. the next day i was so devastated and woke up to a message from him asking if i was okay, that was the worst part, because we started talking again and he told me how sad his night had been and how he was crying. this lead to us kind of talking everyday for two months... i think it just made it harder for both of us, then shortly before graduation, it really killed me that i still didnt know his feelings for him, so i asked him, and he sent me a message saying that he wasn't even sure if he ever stopped loving me, but that our relationship just wasnt making him happy anymore and that if it was meant to be then it will come back together eventually. and then he said that the one thing he always wanted me to believe in was God (i was athiest at the time we first met) and that if God willed it to be then it would be. i was never sure how to react to this message, so i didnt really reply, and we stopped talking after that. on graduation day he gave me a bracelet. and then we both went our separate ways for summer vacation, neither of us hooked up or anything and the next time we talked was about one month after graduation where we met in a kind of group setting. i had made him a scrap book of all the times we had together as like a goodbye gift because i was pretty sure i was never going to see him again. so i gave it to him and he seemed to really like it.... i think it made him cry but he thanked my profusely for about an hour anfterwards. then the last few times i saw him before going to university was my goodbye party where we had the sweetest goodbye ever. he hugged me like he used to when we were together and said that he was always going to be there for me and that i would never lose him as somone in my life. he held my hand of the longest time and then eventually he left. this was the day before i left, so after that i never saw him. a few weeks into me being in a new place he messaged me asking how i was doing, we talked for a while but it fizzled. then we started talking every now and then off and on for about 1 month. two months ago he frantically messaged me telling me he had something important to tell me, this was that he had a girlfriend. for some reason he found it really impointant to tell me, which drushed me even more, then for the first time ever he changed his relationship status in fb. i still have a lot of friends back home, and i found out there story which was basically she asked him out and he said yes, and she initiated the relationship status change. they've been going out for about two months now, and i haven't been able to talk to him since then except on two occasions, one being to tell him happy birthday and the other being to say my condolances for the death of his grandmother. after 7 months i'm still desperately inlove with him, i've tried so hard not to be.... but i don't know what to do. i'm transferring out of my university and as it happens i applied by chance to one of his top choices, so who knows what will happen there.

 

but my main question is, even though he has his new gf... do i have a chance? i'm going to see him again inevitable in a month because i'm going back for christmas. there are things that give me hope that he still has some feeling for me, like he still hasnt taken off the necklace i gave him. but i don't know what to do... and i really don't want to act like a mess when i see him again. any thoughts anyone? i'm sorry for the saga, but i'm just a mess, this whole situation is really messing with my life, and it doesnt help that a lot of the people i know are thinking " * * * " when they see his new gf... but i don't know, i know that i was the only one of his gfs that he really loved, but i don't know if i still have the power and the attraction that i had when he first asked me out... i've tried to move on, but it doesn't help that i magically picked a university who's population is largely gay (lets just say i did bad research)....

 

please help?

[Eocsor]

No, yes, maybe. No one knows. The best thing to do, since he is seeing someone else, is to move on with your life as is he isn't coming back. Heal yourself and then, no matter what the future brings, you will be OK.

[Furbys]

Do you have a chance? No because he is with someone else. As much as it hurts you do need to move on. I know your thinking 'hes still wearing the necklace i gave him, im one of his gf's that he really loved' that doesn't matter now because he has chosen to be with someone else. He could have gone back to you but he chose not to and is with someone new. I know this will not be something you want to hear but he has moved on with someone else and now you need to move on.

 

When you see him in a months time, don't talk about the relationship you two had together because that is inappropriate. Just keep the chat friendly, ask what he does with his life now etc. Don't read into things, for example, 'he looked at me in a certain way'. His actions have spoken he wants to be with someone else.

[Lithp]

I agree with Eocsor and Furbys - he is seeing someone else, so that should be reason enough for you to start focusing on yourself and move on. It doesn't matter if he has feelings for you, if he loves you or hates you, it doesn't matter because he has a new girlfriend. There is nothing you should be doing in this situation to try and get him to come back to you - how would you feel if you were dating someone and their ex popped back into their life and tried to steal them away? I would just stay out of it and focus on you. Focus on your schoolwork, focus on your friends and the people in your life who love you, focus on hobbies, anything, but you would be better off to just leave this situation alone now.

 

As he said, if you guys are supposed to be together then maybe at some point you will be, but it's not going to happen [or it shouldn't] while he is in a relationship with another girl.

[bdbmwer]

I really dont think things between you two are done forever since the girl asked him out and it seemed he wasnt completely over you but I dont mean to get your hopes up by saying this because thats only way in the future.It seems youre both moving on with the door open so to speak. That being said for right now the other posters are completely correct while hes with someone else youre chances of recon are 0 so take this time to heal,improve, and move on you may not believe it now but theres someone else great out there and im sure youll meet them in college!

 

In my honest opinion thought people change a lot during this time period and college itself is loooads of stress on a relationship especially given that yall are LD now. Id say even if there was a chance itd be in your best interest to be thankful for what you shared but looking forward towards YOUR GOALS and not the next person good luck =)

[Awoken]

You need to just keep focusing on your own life right now. Obssessing about your ex will just lead to more heartache and wasted energy. He is right you know, if things are meant to be they will be. But for now move on, carry on with your studies and you life. It sucks and it's hard for you right now, even 7 months on but eventually you will start feeling better. It's only been 5 weeks since my ex left and It's still really painful. I can't even imagine what i'll be like 7 months down the track