Can this work?

[Ryme]

Just found out that my ex husband's girlfriend is pregnant. Thought I was fine with it, but I'm posting on here, so I guess I'm not!

 

He left an eleven year relationship with me, when our daughter was two. Within a week, he was living with his new partner, who is 22 (he's 33). She always dates people who work in the same profession - someone from that profession attacked her when she was 17. Weirdly, after the attack, she chose to go into that profession herself. Since then, she's dated three married people (including my husband) and the marriages have ended each time. With the first two, she stayed with them for two years and then walked out without warning, leaving them reeling.

 

She and my ex have moved house a few times, fallen out with their colleagues (they work together), moved to a new area and got jobs there, all in the past year. He says they're very in debt and that my life must be easier than his because I don't pay rent (I live in my parent's old house). He doesn't realise how hard it is for me to arrange childcare for when I work, and that my part time wage is somewhere around the poverty line - so even though I don't pay rent, money is a struggle.

 

Then a year later, they're expecting a child, apparently an unplanned pregnancy. Can this work? Does that child have a hope of growing up in a two-parent family, or are the odds they're fighting too great? Does this mean he'll see our daughter even less?

 

A small, vindictive part of me that I try to keep buried, was hoping that perhaps she'd split from him and give him a taste of his own medicine. But now they're expecting a child, and I'm hoping they'll manage to stay together.

 

I know no one really knows the answer - maybe it'll work, maybe it won't... but I just felt like I wanted to share the story, hence this post! Thanks for reading.

[donpeel83]

To answer your question about hope......honestly if the past is a good indicator of the future (which at times it is) then Id say that the child is unfortunatley going to be born into a potentially dysfunctional family. A woman that bails and a Guy who didnt think twice about bailing on his wife and kid because a young hussy batted her eye lids. I feel for the child!!

[Awoken]

I too feel sorry for the child. People can be so selfish with their own feelings BUT when kids get involved things become very 'complicated'. And sadly it is often the child that gets hurt the most. Some parents stay together over loyalty towards their child, it sometimes last for a few years, but can end up with lots of resentment, either aimed at the spouse or the child. Others just leave without warning as that is the easiest way out.

 

I suggest you don't worry about them and their situation you need to keep focussinf on you and your childs future. What he does with his life and partner and child to be is no concern of you anymore. Use all your energy now to get you life on track and keep being a positive role model to YOUR child Best of luck, it's a hard job as you already know.

[HeartGoesOn]

No one can predict the future, but based on his history it sounds like he'll always be on the hunt for greener grass. I do feel bad for this innocent unborn child, and hopefully he/she will have someone looking over them.

 

By the time he's finished paying child support for these two children, he may just wake up, and smell the coffee. Either way, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[Nearbot]

Wow, destroyed 3 marriages by the age of 22. Good for her.

 

No, it's not going to work. She's obviously pretty screwed up, and she'll either leave your ex for another married man or he'll get fed up with her craziness and be the one to leave.

[DN]

Yes, it might work - no one can predict accurately even given a poor history of relationships.

[Ryme]

Thanks all. I know there's no magic answer, and I know that it's not really my concern any more, but posting about it and reading your answers was very therapeutic. I very much appreciate you all taking the time to reply.

[donpeel83]

Yes, it might work - no one can predict accurately even given a poor history of relationships.

 

This is so true. I think the past is a good way of guestimating future turn of events but I feel it more helps to understand a person in the relatio ship, and their mindset. But you are right!! Its not set in stone this one will fail, even given the past history of her!!