Boy advice

[amyamy93]

Hello. My name is Amy. I'm 18 and I need quick little advice on something. I know it's silly to post this on an internet forum but I need help. I'm kinda clueless on these things sometimes.

 

I liked this guy a whole awful lot. He acted like he liked me too but he didn't do anything. We would always flirt, we were always hanging out alone and we had so much to talk about. We were always flirting. If we were in a group the two of us would always talk. I was sure he liked me and other people agreed. But nothing happened. So, finally, I asked him to a movie. I texted him, which I know is awful, but I wasn't gonna see him until Monday and I wanted to go that weekend because I was free. He didn't respond. I was miserable. He's very, very bad at technology, so I assumed something had gone wrong. I asked him again, real casual, a couple days later, and he said yes. Ok. Didn't mention it a couple days and then asked when he wanted to go. He gave when he was free and we agreed. He seemed happy.

 

I texted him that day asking what time he wanted to go. Again, he never responded, making me feel worse. I thought he was just blowing me off and I felt really * * * * ty. I had to ask him a question for class and, when he responded promptly, I brought it up pretty lightheartedly. He apologized and said he had left his phone at his friend's house and couldn't get it until the next day (we agreed to go on Sunday, and he said this on Monday). That was about a week ago. We've both been really busy this past week so neither of us mentioned it. I still want to go but he hasn't said anything. I initiated it. I made the first move. He knows I like him, he MUST know, and he's certainly not backing off. We watched a movie for class together. He'll eat lunch with me and generally do other things that involve being alone. But sometimes he's just kind of quiet and backed off and he's not like, totally with me all the time. Like if we're in a group it's not like he's always talking to me. We don't always sit together. You know. But he's like that with everyone. He can be a touch reserved with everyone, even close friends.

 

This gets complicated because a crazy former friend of mine, who used to like him, asked him outright if he was interested in me. She told another friend of mine he said no, who then told me. Which is stupid and immature and awful, and I'm not about to give up on this guy I really really like because of something she may have said. Still though. That changes things. A little. He must know I like him. He must. And he's not backing away, yet nothing is happening.

 

He's super stressed in school. He's VP of the honors program and he's applying to schools. He's taking ALL classes that are hard for him and he's really struggling. He's in danger of failing two classes, actually. He studies all the time. He acts like he likes me sometimes. It's not like we always talk. Sometimes he doesn't like... talk to me. But he's like that with people. I'm just confused because he hasn't brought up the movie, like I had to bring it up, yet he really does act like he likes me. But I'm not sure.

 

SO, basically, my dumb question is, is it still worth it going out on a date with him? Just a date. That's it. I was thinking over thanksgiving. I'm just not sure if he likes me. Today, for example, we did talk. He was really happy to see me (we went to something for class) and immediately asked about work and such. But later we wouldn't always talk. We'd go on break and we just... didn't always talk to each other. I don't always initiate with him. I don't want to seem desparate. I'm just not sure.

 

Soooo. Is it still worth it?

[jello2610]

I honestly think you need to put the ball in his court. Text him and say hey are we still on for that movie? If he doesn't give you a concrete answer, then you need to say casually okay well I know you're busy so let me know when you wanna hang, if he never initiates with you , you have your answer.

[amyamy93]

Yeah that's a good idea. He is just so busy. I think he's rather clueless too, and just too busy now for relationship stuff. I feel like he would've asked me out by now if he hadn't been so busy. I'm kind of leaving the country for a bit in February, too, so the timing isn't ideal. But gosh I like him. I'll be gone six weeks. We can still go on a date, try and get a little something rolling, and then see where we are when I get home. His schedule/future plans and * * * * should be more... settled by then. But yeah that's a good idea. Thanks.

[annony]

A lot of times when people don't back away, but don't reciprocate either it's because they enjoy the attention, but aren't interested in a romance.

It sounds like he appreciates your interest, he's probably flattered, and it's probably a boost to his ego that someone is pursuing him (It would boost anyone's ego! It feels good to be the object of desire)

However, his selective response to texts shows that he doesn't care enough to make the time for you.

[amyamy93]

Yeah, that makes sense, I just... he's so nice. To everyone. I feel like he could just like the attention. But he's so darn genuinely nice. He is also extremely technology illiterate, and he definitely does NOT have his phone on him at all times. He is so busy too. But that definitely could be it. I don't mean to totally refute everything you're saying, haha, I just have a hard time imagining him purposely doing that. I can see him being too nice to say no. Meh.

 

That really does make a lot of sense though. We shall see.

[annony]

Sometimes the fact that people are really nice leads them to do mean things... like flake out on plans.

Really nice people really want in their hearts to please everyone. They don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by turning them down for a date, or worse, telling them they aren't attracted to them, so they make excuses to flake out.

Busy people still make time for people. We make time for things that are priorities to us.

[amyamy93]

He still talks to me a lot thought and he still makes efforts to see me and such. It's possible, but then when we're together and stuff it just... doesn't really seem that way at all. He did say yes. Wouldn't he try to avoid him slightly if he was totally uninterested in anything? Meh. You could be right but I don't wanna assume that just yet. And I still just want to go to a movie. That's it. So we shall see.