unnoan Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 So I was just talking to my female friend and she told me (male) she is having a girls night out. I know they went to the bar and she stayed downtown with her friends (Its a bit of a trip back out of the city). She has a BF but all the rest of her friends are single. I basically went to a mini version of one of these a few weeks ago and her friend was upset because no one was hitting on her because I was around. I know she has cheated in the past and her roommate is cheating on her bf currently. She has said she would never cheat again but I feel like the reason I am not allowed to go to these things is because she is cheating and doesn't want me to know. I mean I can understand having a girls night out to get away from her BF but I am just a friend and don't fully understand why I can't go to the bar with them. Obviously it is a girls night out and being a guy I can understand a little bit why she wouldn't invite me but under the circumstances I feel like something else is going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRL Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Maybe. But that's between her and her BF, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I don't understand why you would want to be included in something that is a girl's night out.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unnoan Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Well it isn't really a girls night out, its just some girls drinking at a bar. I just feel like shes using the girls night out so she can exclude me and the only logical reason I can think of that she would not want me there is because she was cheating. I know its between her and her BF but I would like to know if I was being lied to in our friendship. I also have strong feelings for this girl so the thought of her cheating upsets me. I can deal with her having a BF because I just make sure I am never around her when he is but the thought of her cheating makes me sick to my stomach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lozzy1980 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Sorry if this is slightly off topic, but don't you find it really hard being just friends if you have strong feelings for her so much so that you cannot be around her when her BF is there? That sounds like very deep and is likely to all end in tears. Are you hoping to gain anything from being just friends or you can you handle being just friends, and staying that way.. possibly forever? Edited - i am confused now, as re-reading your post you do understand if it was a girls night out .... but to me it sounds like it is a girls night out. what reasons did she give you for not allowing you to come? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lozzy1980 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 also, you said her friend was upset because no one paid her any interest when you came along.,.. so maybe it is this girl friend who has asked your friend not to invite you. just a thought from an outsiders perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unnoan Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 I do find it really hard at times but I have learned to deal with it. She is my best friend and I love hanging out with her. I am not happy that I will probably never be with her but I am accepting of it as probably the case. I have tried to not be friends with her because of this and did so for about half a year but in the end I found I missed our friendship too much. I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. She didn't really give me any reasons I could just tell I wasn't invited because she would have asked me to come if I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoGGYtREAts Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 to the OP; Is there any chance for other opportunities to hang out?... Maybe with a different group of friends occasionaly? I think perhaps you're being a little too anylitical about something that's not really your place to be nosing around in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lozzy1980 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I do find it really hard at times but I have learned to deal with it. She is my best friend and I love hanging out with her. I am not happy that I will probably never be with her but I am accepting of it as probably the case. I have tried to not be friends with her because of this and did so for about half a year but in the end I found I missed our friendship too much. I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. She didn't really give me any reasons I could just tell I wasn't invited because she would have asked me to come if I was. Missing a friendship with someone you are close to must be really really hard, but i think you have to protect yourself! You still find it hard at times and as time goes on isn't it going to just get harder? the longer you remain friends with a lot of contact, the more you will fall for her and the harder its going to get trust me. And... this is probably making you emotionally unavailable for any other relationships. My advice would be dont sever the friendship all together but do reduce contact to just occasional - a bond between true friends will always remain no matter if not seen each other even in years. Maybe she is aware of your feelings for her too, so shes not inviting you along to try and prevent it going any further or allowing you to fall for her more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unnoan Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 I do hangout with a different group of friends but not as often as I would like. I moved over here about a year ago so I don't have as many solid friendships as I did before. I have however known this girl for years. She is well aware of my feelings for her and is respectful of them. I think the main problem is probably the amount of contact between us. She is always texting me and even if I want space its hard to blatantly ignore her. Maybe I can work on that more since I still hang out with her a lot. I agree it is probably making me unavailable to other relationships not that I am opposed to dating other girls but she takes up a good portion of my time. I think because of that I am probably not meeting anyone new. I have only been approached once or twice when she was around by another girl. I also agree I should not really be worrying about this but at times I can't help it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lozzy1980 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I was in a very similar situation, a guy i am good friends with fell for me but i just didnt feel the same way. we still chat every now and again but we agreed we had to reduce the contact for him to move on...And even though he wouldnt go round blabbing to everyone about his feeling for me, myself included for a long time, all the signs were there - ppl could just tell and always told me he acts strange etc as soon as i enter the room, or even if someone just mentions my name! so yes, people are very easy to pick up on the signs if you have such strong feelings for someone... so other girls can just tell you are really into your friend... and i bet even so when she is not there... As for my friend, following the space he has now met a lovely girl, been together 4 months now, i am so happy for him and she is much more suited to his lifestyle and needs than i ever could have been. He sees that now and as i say we are still good friends even though we dont spend every weekend together... now just the very occasional catch up. Also, the situation was working vice versa, though i wasnt with him other men didnt approach me thinking i was with him i guess. And now, following space, I have also met someone new... fingers crossed but so far going well! So i think the space has really helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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