First love, does it get better?

[Flossie]

Well, my first post here was a few weeks ago and I honestly didn't think my relationship would end so quickly after that post, or in the way that it did.

 

Two weeks ago, after a long week of noticeable indifference from him, he came home from work and told me he wanted to end the relationship. First of all he gave slightly off-sounding reasons like I was too tidy and he was too messy for it to ever really work. Then, after what seemed like a ton of probing questions from me, he admitted he was having feelings for a girl he used to work with, had felt this way about her for a few weeks and had kissed her the week previous.

 

To be honest right now I don't want or need to go into the break-up itself, I accept that it's his decision and I have by and large left him alone apart from to sort out practical matters - there are a lot of knots that need untying after living together for 4 1/2 years! The way he treated me towards the end of our relationship, and the way he has handled the aftermath of it also (having her over to stay at the house while he knew I still had to go over to get my stuff, not telling his friends about our split which resulted in me being given a wedding invite addressed to the both of us makes it easier for me to realise that I am better off without him.

 

The thing that is worrying me at the moment has been brought on when I was clearing my external hard drive of his data. I made the mistake of looking through some old MSN conversations from a few months/up to a year after we got together, and I was reminded of how happy we both were and how exciting it all was. I know that I am not anywhere near ready to look for another relationship yet, and in actual fact I am quite looking forward to spending time on myself and healing. I also feel that I will probably find someone who is a better match and will treat me the way I deserve. What I do worry about, however, is the intensity of my feeling for anybody new. He was my first love, my first serious relationship, and the first (so far only) person I have ever had sex with. I am worried that, if I do meet someone in the distant future, anything I feel will dim in comparison to the intense love I felt for my ex. Will I still get the same butterflies? Will my shoulders lift when I see him?

 

I know the above really is something I will only find out in good time, and it shouldn't be a major concern for me right now. Which it isn't really, but it is something that has been niggling that I would like some reassurance on. I would just like to know other peoples' experiences, about how any subsequent relationships (and their feelings) compared to their first serious one.

 

I also want to share a tumblr I found earlier today which I think will be helpful over the coming weeks/months, although this is more for the ladies. I am finding its short but inspiring statements very uplifting. I know you are not allowed to post URLs on here, but if you google The Rules of Ladies it is the first entry I believe.

[lavenderdove]

Oh, that lightning bolt of love can strike at any age and any time! I remember when i broke up with my first love, i literally thought my heart would explode in my chest and i was quite dramatic and wrapped up in the idea that nothing would be the same.

 

And now, years later, i can hardly remember his last name or what he looked like! Time has a marvelous way of healing you and the heart has amazing recuperative powers to love and love again. I fell in the love hardest and strongest with someone when i was 41 years old! I'd even been married before and thought I knew what love meant, but i got hit by that thunderbolt when i was in middle age, and it even happens to old people in nursing homes (i've seen it).

 

So don't worry, you will recover and be fine. But it is bit harder the first time because the pain is new and you don't have experience getting over it and realizing you will recover and find someone you love just as much or more.

 

And truly, he's a immature twit if he was living with you for that long and is smooching on someone new before he even moves out, and is so insenstive as to have her there when you show up... he's just not very sensitive or loyal or faithful either, so you can do a LOT better.

[Flossie]

Thank you for your kind and reassuring words

 

I realise these are all things I can tell myself, but like you say this is all new to me, and it does help to hear someone else say it too!