Friend's new "strategy" is driving me nuts

[Celadon]

A friend of mine has changed a lot in the past year, and it's bugging me. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that it's her life, so I should just let her be. lol.

 

What's happened is that she's developed this strategy that she wants to get as much information about what's going on in our social circle, and she wants to always make sure she has an opinion about everything -- in order to sound more confident and become more popular. Maybe this is who she really is, and she enjoys it. But it's just so different than who she was even a year ago that I sometimes look at her and wish she were back to the way she was. Now she's so much more ... well, "strategic" is the only word I can think of.

 

Yesterday, she came up to me and asked about something I am involved in with a few other people, and the way she asked it, I knew she was pumping me for information. She wasn't really interested in ME, although she tried to make it sound like she was. She wanted the scoop so she can go talk with other people about it and convey that she is "in the know." It's all about herself, and how people view her, IMHO. It's like she's trying to become "the center of things."

 

Also, a few days earlier, I had mentioned to her how an event went (NOT in confidence, I should say) and a half-hour later she was repeating the same information to someone on the phone, someone who had nothing to do with it.

 

And the thing about her making sure she has an opinion -- she generally pushes herself to say something about everything. Even activities she's not involved in directly, she'll try to say something about it, or make it seem like she has a stake in it. The other day, I made a comment about this guy we know (a positive comment), and she said how proud she was of him, as though she had something to do with his behavior or like she's particularly close to him, which she's not.

 

Maybe I'm just hyped up about this because I've known too many people who are "charismatic" and generally found them to be insincere and self-absorbed. They've spent a lot of time focusing on themselves and developing their personas. They say things that SOUND good (like her being proud of the friend), but then if you actually stop to think about what is being said, it implies something that's not there.

 

And maybe ... I feel like I can't trust her anymore.

 

OK. That's my vent. So should I just shut up and put up?

[Flyingpiglet]

-- in order to sound more confident and become more popular.

 

From what you describe, it seems it could have the opposite effect to what she's hoping.... Maybe you could try to find a way to tell her this... Nicely lol

 

I'm not suprised you feel you can't trust her... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't either.

Just make sure you don't confide in her... Unless its something you want everybody to know

[Lonewing]

I'm not so sure she really has a problem at all here... other then that she might be a gossip now, it seems to me that she is making you feel insecure. She's taken personal ownership of this life and everything in it that in any way shape or form pretains to her, is all I can say...

 

The other day, I made a comment about this guy we know (a positive comment), and she said how proud she was of him, as though she had something to do with his behavior or like she's particularly close to him, which she's not.

 

Why can she not take pride in how he's improved? She doesn't need to have anything to do with him, nor be particularly close, to have such pride. You both know this guy, so I do believe you both have enough knowledge about him before and after to make such statements. And she may very well desire this guy - again, it's a proper statement for her to make...

[Celadon]

Hi Flyingpiglet, Lonewing. Thanks for your thoughts ... I needed to put my frustration out there instead of holding it in and I appreciate your replies. LOL, Flyingpiglet, I am being careful in what I share, but sometimes I am not a quick enough thinker when she asks me questions. I gotta work on that.

 

And Lonewing, I get what you're saying. Some of what she's done probably isn't as I interpret it. Yes, I admit I might be feeling some insecurity, which means I need to focus on my own strengths. Funny that you should mention her desiring this guy because she has in the past...

[Batya33]

It sounds to me like you might be jealous of her. Is that possible? No need to answer questions she asks you if you feel she is prying.

[Celadon]

Hi Batya, yes, that's possible. It's that, plus other things, which is why it's frustrating. Like, if it were just jealousy, or if I were just not liking her new personality, it would be easier to let go of. The comment I made about not trusting her is a factor -- in the back of my mind, I wonder if she's going to "use" her social skills in the future against me. (That happened to me with another person who was charismatic and self-absorbed ... in a situation that arose, he portrayed himself as the victim and me as the bad guy, and because he'd worked so hard at ingratiating himself with others, people didn't think twice about whether he was telling them the truth. I am VERY wary of people who seek social power.)