email, facebook, twitter, texts....Obsessed with communication...

[locolady]

I feel like i've increasingly become obsessed with communication. I long for contact with people - friends, family, guys i'm interested in etc all the time! It's like knowing someone COULD contact you through so many means at any time, in any location but chooses not to, drives me crazy. All of a sudden, I feel like i'm worth only the times that someone thinks of me.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? How can I stop judging and valuing myself based on what others (or even how often) others think of me? I know this stems from a break up a few years ago, where I was instantly replaced and have never had answers/any contact. Although I got over it eventually, I think residual feelings of inadequacy have blossomed into this desire to exist in people's minds all the time.

 

Any advice? Virginia Woolfe wrote "how little one knows anyone" in the 1920s and I think the more communication methods we have, the less we seem to understand or know each other. I've felt a bit baffled and alone since my ex left in the way he did, because I didn't know before it was possible to share so much yet mean so little.

 

I guess I should close facebook and check emails only every few days to break the habits and see if that helps? Sure this goes deep though...

[jbug]

i know the feeling. how long did it take you to get over ur ex? or would you even say ur over now?

[pl3asehelp]

My ex-wife was like this. Could never ever be alone either. The conclusion I came to was that she had never developed into her own person - she had no hobbies or interests and based her opinion of herself and her life on what others thought of her. It really looked like an obsession to me.

[gluestick]

I think you missed the most important part of healing after that bad breakup: learning to love yourself. Only after you love yourself and be completely comfortable in your own skin can you truly be happy alone. You won't need to rely on others for your happiness or seek self-worth through others' validation.

 

Treat yourself to some shopping sprees, find new hobbies, eat healthy and exercise to look and feel good inside and out, and basically just do whatever makes you happy.

[jbug]

glue, i dont know about locolady but nothing makes me feel good. any advice?

[Batya33]

I don't think all communication is created equal. So, what I would do is prioritize meaningful communication - for me personally that means that I am either with, talking to or emailing with the person one on one. Most of the time I don't consider other forms of what is technically "communication" to be meaningful or a productive use of my time (unless it's communication to make an appointment or confirm/share similar information with someone. And I don't need to be in contact with a close friend or loved one to feel close or loved. As for acquaintances well, who cares? If they're not in contact it might be because we're going to lose touch but how many people do you really need in your life on a daily basis? Also what I find it that someone's persona on a social networking site is often very different from real life. I've had phone conversations with distraught friends who just posted that day yet another amazing thing they did that day or that happened to them. No, they are not lying, just selective about what they display on Facebook. But that does mean to me that what is posted on a wall often is not meaningful communication.

[John3572]

I tried to go NC on Facebook. It's really difficult. I don't update my status often but am interested in what other people are up to. I also don't have my relationship status on there so anytime I'm going through stuff the whole world doesn't have to know. I find it easier moving beyond things that way.

 

Take baby steps with Facebook. First go one day without using it, then two and and so on. It's tough but think about it, "Why do you have to every little thing that's going on in people you rarely talk to lives?".

[gluestick]

glue, i dont know about locolady but nothing makes me feel good. any advice?

 

It seems your BU is still very fresh, October 13th? It will take a while before you start feeling better. I'm sorry to say this, but there really is no specific remedy except time. I am almost 3 months post BU and I feel a lot better now than I did one month ago. What helped me most was going out with friends, spending time with family, talking to people with similar experiences, reading ENA threads, and finding new things that interest me. When you feel like crying, let it all out! You'll feel better after and then the cycle starts all over again. I think what's helped me the most is accepting my BU. Only after acceptance can you really start healing. Know that friends and family are there to support you, but only you can make yourself happy. It's all about having the right mindset. PM if you need to talk.