Rebound Relationships...

[Cityslick]

Basically just a quick poll from all the people on here:

 

1. Do rebound relationships ever actually work?

2. Have you ever known someone guy or girl that goes above and beyond their former relationship with their rebound? (Marriage, etc...)

3. Have you ever been the rebound before? Knowingly?

4. Is a rebound more effective when leaving a LDR?

5. From what I gathered here and from others (specifically from the male perspective) is that their ex gf's usually emotionally check out of the relationship waaaaay before they actually break up, so then is their new relationship actually a rebound?

 

Just wondering....

[rosie smith]

every sitaution is different

 

I have heard that some rebounds do work, but then saying one of my friends who got into a rebound relationship has stayed with the rebound cause they have a family together, so it would be hard for her to leave him, the other one is in the process of getting a divorce.

 

my other friend who left her husband for another guy and nope I don't think this was a rebound for her has been with him for 7 years now.

[Eocsor]

Rebounds are evil. End of story.

[rosie smith]

Rebounds are evil. End of story.

 

when you say rebounds are evil, what do you mean?

[octour]

I am about 3 or so months post being dumped for another guy. We were together for 3.5 years. Supposedly, she 'checked out' before she broke up with me. For 2 months following the break up, she was seeing some guy and denied it the entire time even when I saw them together and she was standing right next to him. I even saw them kiss right before that. She and I was still seeing each other 3 nights a week instead of the usual every night. We even went away together on 3 separate weekends. She was very convincing that she wasn't seeing anyone. She married him not even 2 months after she broke up with me at a J.O.P. She gave me all the breakup bantor. The ILYBIANILWY, the i don't want to be in a relationship right now, I would never do that to you, do you really think that I'm that type of person etc etc.

 

I think that if a person needs another person to gain the 'strength' or 'courage' to break up to be with someone else, it is a rebound or whatever you want to call it. It's a crutch for the alternative which is standing on your own two feet and being alone when a relationship isn't 'working' for that person.

 

I think the rebounds that do work are based on the new couple formed. The dumper knows that they left for someone else, GIG, whatever. And the new beau is perfectly fine with that and I assume would take it as an ego boost assuming they know that he/she left the other for him/her. I have known people that are 'flattered' when they start to see someone that left that person for you. My oldest brother for example. She did it again to him 6 years later. She came crawling back 3 years after that. But no dice. And when the dumpee begs to get back with the dumper while the dumper is just starting with the new guy, I can see it is an ego boost for him/her. When you have that combination between two people, I feel, it helps the newly formed relationship immediately start off with a bond between one another along with the initial physical attraction which can be very strong.

 

And do you mean LDR or LTR? I don't buy into LDR's and the entire rebound thing. I just don't think it qualifies as a relationship with the same magnitude as a LTR. The distance between the two already has that first stepping stone in place. I think it makes it a whole lot easier to leave someone because there is just less attachment and therefore less withdrawal. For me anyway. I was in a LDR for 5 years. It just didn't have the same impact when we broke up and I actually wanted the girl from my LDR way more. I can pick up the phone right now and call her and it would be like we just saw each other 10 minutes ago even though it's been over 4 years.

 

For a LTR, I just think leaving for someone else shows a lack of strength on the dumper. If it's not working, leave. If you stay, you're prolonging the hurt, you're lying and you're using the dumpee. That to me is why the next relationship HARDLY ever works. Some do, that's for sure. I know that I have turned down girls that have just come off a relationship because of this. I think it's real needy and a character flaw. I never knew it existed with my ex because she was dumped for someone before me and was alone for a few months. I didn't know she was left for somebody else until recently, she never told me that part. Gee, I wonder why?

 

I think there are just way too many variables to consider and it's just something you can't conclude. That if one person leaves for another, it will never work out. Clearly some do, but it's been my experience and from what I have seen with close friends and family that a lot of them don't. But again, that doesn't make it a rule.

 

Just ALWAYS remember, get on with your life. Don't sit around and wait for the new relationship to end. Just because if it does, doesn't mean they're coming back to you. Stop pining, heal, get better, and meet someone new who won't do this to you. They are out there and they are a better person to be with.

[thejigsup]

If by rebound relationship you mean a relationship you get in shortly afte dumping someone, then yes, they do work a lot of the time. I have been in two "rebound" relationships. This first one was within about 3 weeks for breaking up with someone. I met him on a blind date, we clicked, and I was with him for five years. He became clinically depressed, wouldn't go for help, so I left. My next "rebound" relationship occurred about a month after another breakup. We met through online dating and were together for twelve years until he died last April. I had a guy who I really loved break up with me over twenty years ago and go immediately into a rebound relationship. They are still together. It's been my experience that they are better and last longer than the relationship that preceded them. Most people don't break up with someone when the relationship is filling their needs. So if they find someone better suited to them, of course it's going to work!

[Eocsor]

when you say rebounds are evil, what do you mean?

 

You're using someone to get over the pain of the previous relationship. And when they have fulfilled your needs and you are in a better place you dump them, thereby continuing the cycle of pain for someone else.

 

It also prevents you from really addressing your own healing.

 

And if someone is really so weak and needy that they can't be on their own how successful can the next relationship be? Won't it's foundation be based on something very unhealthy?

[rosie smith]

You're using someone to get over the pain of the previous relationship. And when they have fulfilled your needs and you are in a better place you dump them, thereby continuing the cycle of pain for someone else.

 

It also prevents you from really addressing your own healing.

 

And if someone is really so weak and needy that they can't be on their own how successful can the next relationship be? Won't it's foundation be based on something very unhealthy?

 

 

lol that kind of sounds a bit like my ex

[rosie smith]

but there is a diffrence between getting into a relationship shortly after a break up with someone that you really like and just going off with the first place that comes along after a break up ... cause normally if you just settle for someone that makes you feel better about yourself etc etc that relationship will not last.

[octour]

There are a ton of factors to look at within each 'rebounder's' situation. Are they leaving for someone else because that person if just a better fit? Are they leaving to get out of a bad home life so they can move away? Are they going directly from one person to another with no time at all in between? Do they have to lie about what they are doing or do they feel good about what they are doing with regards to lying or being honest about it? How soon do the I love you's start? Do they have familial support about their decision? Are they in their 20's or their 40's? Was the prior relationship abusive? Was it just boring? Is it because of sex? Were there outside forces making it a bad relationship like one working too much or were friends/family getting in the way? On and on and on. You can't predict what will happen. You have to look at the facts of each individually. And even if it's a better situation after the first, it doesn't mean that person won't look for something even better than the second.

 

I think that if a person has to hide anything from anybody about the new relationship and it moves really really fast and they deny ever lying about anything, or whatever the case. Basically, when a person isn't forthcoming about the new relationship and hopes that any wrongdoing will just live under the carpet, the guilt will sometime down the line resurface in one form or another and the relationship will fail.

 

But if a person just got dumped or just did the dumping and they are proud about what they did, don't have to lie about anything, or keep their stories straight amongst different family members or friends and make themselves look 'better' than they really are, then I can see the new relationship working.

 

Personally, I feel that 'rebound' relationships only exist when the person starts seeing another immediately or before the breakup when the pain or whatever the person is feeling is at its highest level. If its a few weeks later or months even, I don't see anything wrong with meeting someone else. You didn't need that crutch of someone else to end the relationship.

[Eocsor]

You make a lot of assumptions.

 

If the new person fulfills your needs and you're in a better place it doesn't necessarily follow that it's now time to dump them, I'd wager just the opposite.. you have someone who makes you feel good and meets your needs, that's success. It's the reason the last relationship didn't work.

 

If you're going through the pain of a breakup, but you're high functioning, why sit around feeling miserable and focusing on the last relationship as compared to putting your energies into getting back out there and meeting someone new? It's not like some magic number of days or weeks or months must pass before it's "time to try again".

 

Just because someone jumps into a new relationship fairly quickly doesn't mean they're so weak they can't function on their own.

 

I'd beg to differ. If you're hurting and just out of a relationship with someone you were supposed to care about and you dive into another relationship you're just substituting one drug for another. You're a relationship junkie who can't stand on their own two feet. Anyone will do as long as you don't have to deal with the pain of being alone.

 

And as you start to feel better and the pain starts to recede you usually find that the rebound isn't really for you and thats when you dump them and move along.

 

When I talk about rebounds at least, I'm referring to someone who hasn't mentally processed the last breakup and is still in an emotionally charged state.

 

I guess if you have totally processed all the negative emotions from the last relationship, are healed and are ready to move on it's not really a rebound no matter how quickly it happens after breakup. But I think thats rare or rarish.

[rosie smith]

I have to agree with you there, I also think that the longer two people are together the longer it takes to get over that person. Then again I am not really sure if one ever truly gets over a long term relationship.

[Carus]

1. Do rebound relationships ever actually work?

My ex started seeing the new guy whilst we were still together...

 

3 years later they are still together....

 

My ex is not your ex, but take from that what you will*

 

I will add too that the very worst thing you can do, for yourself, is be around as a backup for your ex and watch the new RS form in front of your eyes....Very damaging*

2. Have you ever known someone guy or girl that goes above and beyond their former relationship with their rebound? (Marriage, etc...)

See above...^^^

3. Have you ever been the rebound before? Knowingly?

Not knowingly as I haven't been in a relationship since learning what a rebound even is...

4. Is a rebound more effective when leaving a LDR?

Thats a hard one for me personally to answer....

 

Normally I would say no but considering my ex's situation I could be persuaded back toward yes...

 

As a dumpee who is hurting, you would have to be pretty lucky to get into a fresh RS and make it stick.

 

As a dumper who is checking out of, or already checked out of, a previous RS, then sure, why not*

5. From what I gathered here and from others (specifically from the male perspective) is that their ex gf's usually emotionally check out of the relationship waaaaay before they actually break up, so then is their new relationship actually a rebound?

Depends on your definition of a 'Rebound Relationship'....

 

Maybe a 'Rebound Relationship' can only be classified as such if it breaks down within say a 6 month period....

 

After that I would probably just classify it as a normal ongoing relationship no matter how it started....

 

And lastly: Being replaced by someone that you love is probably one of the harshest thing someone can be exposed to (outside war, famine and murder) and if this has happened, I wish you all the fortitude to dust yourself off and move on as quickly and as best you can*

 

Hope this helps

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[rosie smith]

I think a rebound is when someone still has feelings for the other person and they can't get over them or are still unhappy with in themselves, it has been over 6 months since my split with my Bf and I can tell you if I was to meet someone tomorrow it would just be a rebound, he was back to his sex toy 5 days after crying on the phone to me she is clearly his rebound and yes may be they will last for years cause

 

but I have many friends who have just stayed with there partner for the pure sake of, it is sad really that when I look at my parents relationship and my grandparents that they had none of this BS when they were dating. I actually think people had more respect back in the day and would never leave there partner for someone else.

 

please just remember two things don't wait around for someone to come to you cause it is normally only when you are about to move on do they come back anyway

 

and secondly karma what goes around comes around and yes may be your ex will stay in this new relationship for the next 5 years who know but don't be bitter or mad just wish them luck say a little prayer stay positive cause at this moment in time it is all you can do

[Thorshammer]

1. Do rebound relationships ever actually work?

 

Yes... many of us are rebounds. It can take years for some people to still want their ex... so some of us might never know if we were in the rebound category. Some of my ex's were my rebounds, and I liked them no different. We broke up for other reasons, but i wanted to keep going. I didnt care what my ex was doing.

 

2. Have you ever known someone guy or girl that goes above and beyond their former relationship with their rebound? (Marriage, etc...)

 

No, i dont ask anyone if they were rebounds. So, i cant answer this.

3. Have you ever been the rebound before? Knowingly?

 

Yes, one ended up going back to him, but the others didnt. But i didnt help things with my behavior. And these girls wanted me, lusted after me, all of that.

4. Is a rebound more effective when leaving a LDR?

 

Dont know... its based on the person and the relationship. Thats like asking, does the rebound have a bigger peepee than the ex had?

5. From what I gathered here and from others (specifically from the male perspective) is that their ex gf's usually emotionally check out of the relationship waaaaay before they actually break up, so then is their new relationship actually a rebound?

 

Yes, people do emotionally leave before they physically leave. But there is a difference between being there but not feeling committed, and not having that person breath and live in your life anymore. So it varies.