How to proceed with this girl?

[bat man]

So there's this girl from school who I dated three times. September 22, September 29 (she asked me out on this one), October 7. After that third date I got the sense that she may not be interested anymore. I may be overanalyzing, as I do that sometimes. Anyway, I stopped contact with her until Oct 17th, when I sent her a text, and she responded to it, so i tried calling her. She didn't answer but later send me a text that she was in class. Anyway, I took that as she's not interested, since she didn't return the call, so i don't call/text her anymore.

 

Fast forward to November 2--she texts me about the concert we had planned to go to about a month ago. She still wanted to go to it. We had talked about canceling it since we had a lot of assignments due in a class we're taking together. I was the one who bought up canceling it; she agreed. I later tell her don't cancel it, and to finish her assignments in time. She agreed, saying she heard the concert was good, and that she's cool with my mood swings (lol).

 

Anyway, come concert morning (a Saturday), she texts me that she can't make it since she has so many work and school deadlines the following week. It sounded like a legit excuse, since I hadn't finished my assignments either. I didn't respond; she later texts me that she has car issues and won't have a car that weekend. She didn't say anything about meeting up again...maybe I'm reading too much into this. Should I just wait until she texts me again? Should I bother texting again? I had asked a friend about this and he told me to just move on. Though I don't want to move on, I seem a little too emotionally attached I am thinking she just thinks I am just a casual date guy instead of relationship material. She's 34, and I'm 25.

 

Any input/advice would be appreciated!!! Thanks!!!

[meoww]

Well it sounds like both of you are very busy. Can you guys grab a bite after class or something? It seems like it would be good to find a way to hang out on a regular basis. I'd try that, or trying to schedule another date in soon. I think since the nature of the contact has been so sporadic, it's hard to tell whether she is into you or not. It sounds like you haven't wanted to seem like the clingy guy, which is good, but maybe you should be a little more active in trying to get to know her. If you never see her, you'll never know what it could be.

[abitbroken]

I think you made a snap judgement that she didn't like you, firstly, and that could have affected things.

 

Why plan such grand events (concerts). If you guys are busy, why not go with something simple, like grabbing a slice of pizza, ice cream, or something that doesn't require an 'appointment time'. ? You can do the bigger things also, but you have a choice to see her once a month when you have a cool idea, or you can see her more frequently, but maybe not doing anything as earth shattering. You won't really know how she feels unless you see her more often. Or more so, you can't establish how either of you feels or even if either of you want to continue.

[bat man]

cool, thanks for the tips; repped. anyone else have something to add?

[shotinthedark]

Sounds like she's somewhat stringing you along man....

 

From what I've learned from dating and talking to girls, if she's interested, she will most definitely put forth some effort into seeing you. She may find some qualities about you attractive, but her interest level is just not high enough.

 

Think about it... If there's a girl you're totally interested in and she asks you out for an evening, would you blow it off because you have an assignment? You'd probably find a way to get it done early or work around it. Car problems? She'd ask if you minded picking her up.

 

I wouldn't put any more effort in with this girl.... Remember, if she's interested, she'll help you out. Her lack of effort is a huge reg flag...

[bat man]

thx shotinthedark. yeah, i agree that she may be stringing me along, since there is no effort from her side. that third date she was teasing me a little too much so that's the reason i took it as she's not interested.

 

lol, coincidentally, as i was typing this post, i see her walking by at school. she slowly waved at me, lol. anyway, like you suggested i'm not going to put more effort...i'll wait for her to initiate it again..but i'm going to drop my expectations of her. i heard a rumor from another guy who knows her that she is looking for a husband. he doesn't know im dating her though. maybe she just likes to play and lead guys on??

[abitbroken]

She is only playing you if she sends you loveydovey messages and never calls you to go out. It seems that you merely went out a couple of times. I don't think she is playing you. You guys are just real busy, she is not dating you exclusively (which is perfectly fine at this point), or you just didn't have an amazing click. So what if she ultimately wants to find someone with husband potential. Many women want something that will lead that way at some point and because she is a bit older than you, she probably is more serious about it.