I really need help.

[BeMyEscape]

I'm almost 18. For 6 years I get depressed when the seasons change. I don't know how or why but it just happens..every year. I love the winter. I just want to be happy. I mostly can't seem to find what makes me so depressed. I'm reaching out because I cut my wrists yesterday which I haven't done in probably 8months to a year. I don't trust my friends. I want to see a psychologist but my parents specifically my dad doesn't believe that is the answer. I'm breaking down to the point where I'm just numb now. I don't want to cry. I have this rage that sometimes tries to take over my life. Don't think I'm crazy; I just need someone. Thank you & please feel free to ask me any questions.

[XxJustMexX]

I'm sorry you feel this way. You do sound like you can be clinically depressed, which would warrant a visit to the doctor's. You say your dad is against it? I'm sorry to say but he should be more open minded than that and should give you a chance to speak to a PROFESSIONAL about your issues rather than use his own beliefs to keep you from seeking help. I know you're his daughter and I'm sure you still live under his roof, but for him to disallow you from seeking medical help is unfair to you. I know there are a lot of people out there who don't believe in anything that has to do with psychology, but mostly these are people who have never experienced any sort of clinical mental illness.

 

My suggestion is to persuade your father into getting you to a doctor. I'm sorry to say but your dad seems like a close-minded person and with as bad as you're making it sound (you're cutting), I think you need more help than the people he's probably comparing you to. For him to think psychologists don't help without he himself knowing what you're feeling and going through is just unfair to you.

[Wren107]

Hi,

I think I kind of know what you are going through. I've never slit my wrists, so Im not quite sure what that does or how it makes you feel but does it really help you? I know the numbness that you're talking about though. It's like you feel you are just going through the motions of life, nothing to look forward to, nothing to regret. You are just there. I also asked my parents to take me to a psychologist with the same result you got. What ended up happening, for me at least is that I made some serious changes to how I was living my life. I joined a club and met a bunch of different people. That kinda of got me out of depression because I had something new and exciting to look forward too. My goals changed and I could see myself doing something in the future you know? You said something interesting too... why don't you trust your friends? That could be a huge part...

[nickgee667]

It's a legitimate thing, its called seasonal depression or something like that and a small percentage of the population experiences this. I don't like that you cut yourself. You need help. You need to go to the hospital and tell them you are depressed and there is a pattern. They will likely put you on some anti depressants. Some people don't believe in these, but here's a quick explanation:

 

In your brain, neuron transmitters send out electrical pulses to other parts of the brain. Seretonin is a chemical in your brain that bridges the gaps between nerves, so that the signal can be transmitted to its destination successfully. If there are not an adequate levels of seretonin, to bridge the gaps, and get those pulses where they are going, it can cause depression, anxiety, etc. So anti depressants are usually a.k.a Selective Seretonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). They boost the amount of seretonin in your brain to make sure the neurons get to their destination.

 

I'm currently on one called Quetiapine and it has helped me a lot. The first day after taking them I felt HAPPY, and just prior to that I felt like so bad I just wanted to run away... I hope this helps. BTW you are 18, and an adult, right? Here in canada, you'd be an adult... Even if you're not, you need to do this. I hope things work out for you!!!

[BeMyEscape]

You are really right about my dad. He's stubborn. It's so hard to change his ways of thinking though

[BeMyEscape]

I don't trust my friends because they are on my ex-boyfriends side. My ex doesn't like that Im like this. He wants to help I need space from him & he won't give me the space I need.

[BeMyEscape]

Thank you nickgee. that's a good explanation. I feel i have seasonal depression. i thinks its called SADD? it's so hard though and scary applying to colleges this week and having to cover up my wrists. it's killing me.

[nickgee667]

i hope u can get some help!

[breath.o.fresh.air]

Are you in school right now? Often schools offer counselling services/psychologists on hand that can help you deal with your problems and/or refer you to the right places. I don't think you should lie to your dad, but this may be one way to circumvent his objections.

 

The seasonal disorder that nickgee667 was talking about is called SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. The exact causes of SAD are not 100% clear, but it is more common at higher altitudes, and is generally assumed to be related to your circadian rhythms (biological clock) slowing/changing when the seasons change. It can also be due to lower levels of light exposure (maybe relating to vitamin D?). From the little I know about it, it can be treated by anti-depressants, light therapy, and even just an awareness depending on severity. Getting outside more during the daylight hours is supposed to help, from my understanding as well. In any case, I recommend that you talk to a psychologist directly, and they'd be able to better help you identify if this is what is happening for you. They'd also be able to help you in developing an effective treatment plan. I hope you feel better soon. And please, please, don't cut yourself!!!

[BeMyEscape]

breath.o.fresh.air. thank you for the SAD info. It's just in my high school...my guidence councelor is the one dealing with all of my stuff for college, that's really the only person who'd talk about this. also she is a gossiper which is horrible

 

i didn't want to cut myself. i just felt so helpless to myself. it's so hard what life gives you and expects you to handle it.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

Hmm.. well, it's unfortunate that the guidance counsellor available to you at school is one to gossip, and totally understandable if you don't want to pursue that route. Are there any teachers or other family members that you could maybe approach about your problems that might be able to help you deal with your dad in seeking out additional help? How does your mom feel about the whole situation - or is she involved at all? Have you considered simply booking an appointment and going on your own?

 

I know that life can be hard, and I know that the pain might be a way for you to try to reconnect with your body from the numbness, but you have to remember that it's a temporary solution. Also, know that you're stronger than you think, and you can handle whatever life throws your way. Keep us updated.

[BeMyEscape]

I want to try to talk to one of my teachers about it. i think it would actually really help, but im afraid that they'd tell someone or call my parents that im cutting. my parents know about my past with cutting and that was about 4-5 years ago. it was just really bad. i don't want them to worry more than they already are with their life. my mom is worried about me. but i don't want to make her upset & more worried. booking an appointment on my own i can't do because i don't have my own car..and wouldn't i need insurance coverage and such?

everyone says im strong, but i just don't feel that. i don't want to throw my life away, but at that moment i needed to feel something, something other than i was feeling. i know that sounds really bad though.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

I'm not sure how the health care system works for you in the States. If your mom is worried, maybe just talk to her about wanting to see a psychologist. She's going to be worried regardless, and at least this way, she'll know that you're trying to help yourself as much as possible. Talking to a teacher is a good idea, but I'm not sure about your laws/rules for confidentiality, and parent-teacher relations in the states. I know in Canada, as of eighteen, you are considered an adult, and as such, you would have the right to confidentiality as an adult in any setting. But laws are different in different places, so I'm not sure where the line is drawn for you. I would definitely still consider it.

 

It's very hard to recognize strength in yourself, and I caught that you do want to move forward with your life - which is fantastic by the way. I think it's great that you are reaching out for help. Since you think that talking about it will really help, have you considered or tried writing at all? Keep a journal that you can just write without thinking or overanalyzing everything just to get all your thoughts out there. Also, do you play any sports? Physical activity releases endorphins in the body that can boost your mood, energy levels, et cetera, so if you aren't involved in anything at the moment, it might be worth considering. It's also a great way of getting rid of any tension or frustration you might be experiencing.

[BeMyEscape]

I'm not sure exactly of what the laws are but that's something to look into. good idea!

 

I'm also apart of Color Guard at my school, which is apart of Marching Band. I love it but the season is over. I'm in chior in school as well. I am choosing to not do the drama production this year because I'd perfer to save my weekends for skiing in vermont. I want to stay focused on things in my life. this week college apps are keeping me focused.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

That's good. I know there are always different things to get involved in in the community as well. Have you looked into different volunteering opportunities or anything like that? It sounds like you're pretty busy, so I'm not sure how much free time you have, but staying active and social might provide a good distraction for you and give you more to focus on. The only other thing I can suggest is to develop new friendships outside of your current ones if you don't feel like they are supporting you. Don't be too quick to judge though, they may very well be doing everything they know how to to help you. In any case, good luck.

[BeMyEscape]

Yeah I want to meet new people, like new friends. like just to expand who im friends with.not erase any that i have. I volunteer for the elderly at a near by hospital every tuesday. i love it. thanks for the advice. i just want to be happy. i also just told my mom about my cuts. she's really upset, but told me she has a surprise for me on sunday. i really don't know what it is