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"Thanksgiving Eve"...I'm Dreading This Again..Advice?


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Every year it's the same thing...


1) We go to this local bar


2) He sees his high school friends and goes off socializing and I usually end up by myself (I have no problem with him doing this but I don't have other people to socialize with *see point#5)


3) I'm the designated driver (so I'm obviously sober the whole night) surrounded by drunken fools that are either hitting on me or being obnoxious (or usually a combination of the two)


4) It's packed like sardines in the bar (so not only am I standing arm to arm with annoying drunks, it's hot and loud as well


5) Since it's a local bar, usually all of the people from the area that went to high school there meet up for this "reunion" style evening so even if I wanted to socialize, I'm a pariah (I didn't go to that school) and can't meet new people because most of them of "catching up" with one another


6) I've done this for the past 5 years and it's really getting old


7) The only time I can ever really stand drunk people while I'm sober is when I'm bartending and making tips off of them (because even if they are being a*ses, I at least get some reciprocity for it)


8) We're both almost 30 and while I enjoy having a good time..."I'm over" and have been over this sort of environment for many years now...whether it's the fact that I've bartended since I was 18 to put myself through school or just the fact that the idea of grown adults acting like children is annoying...or young people in their early 20's who just started drinking and act even more immature is annoying....I just don't want to be around it AT ALL



We don't go out a lot (more like rarely) and so I realize that this particular evening is just one night....but it would be nice to switch it up after this long.


"But it's a tradition", he says. Traditions need to change and I told him this. He says he's open to doing something different next year, but he also says things to appease me at times so I'm sure this will come up once again right around this time of the year.


Also, I'm sick of being the DD each year as well. I probably wouldn't mind doing this for him as much if I was able to drink too because it would probably be tolerable (most things are when you are drinking). However, we live about 20 miles from this bar and I'm not trying to get a DUI. So, since it's his friends that he's seeing, he of course is the one that drinks with them (and I don't trust him to be the DD at that point because they're "living it up"). Therefore, I'm the sober one sitting there counting down the hours until it ends alone, crowded up against people, annoyed and bored.


Then sometimes after his long night of drinking he acts in a way that I don't like (since he doesn't drink often, when he does drink, especially on this night with his friends he hasn't seen in a while he can go overboard and gets obnoxious). This is another reason I don't enjoy this particular evening.


How would you feel if you were in my position?


What would you suggest doing?


Suck it up and be miserable once again this year?




Stay home and have him go out alone (and then he'll end up driving after drinking and I'll worry about him)?



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I would bow out, stay home and make this his responsibility. As an adult, he should be capable of finding a designated driver, as well as understanding your concerns.


On the other hand, I do understand your worry, therefore as Batya suggested, offer to pick him up. I'm assuming he can get a ride in order to get there?

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Call the local cab companies and see if they'll cut you a deal for a round trip. No meter just a flat fee. I've had companies willing to do that for a reduced rate, as it's a guaranteed fare. And for trips that long or longer, the only requirement they had was an hour notice for pick-up. Worked well. Either that or book a trip to Vegas! It's dirt cheap then.

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