is it normal for the first couple times in bed to be...well...not so great?

[lhc1575]

I won't exhaust you guys with details, but I've started hooking up with the guy I'm dating and it's not good.

 

We have quite a lot in common and I think we're intellectually/emotionally compatible. We have plenty of chemistry and passion before...but as soon as we get into it, it falls short. It's somewhat his technique, but it takes two to have a good experience and I'm a little worried.

 

Last night he came over, we watched a movie and tried again. The first time was great, but the second time afterwards was like the very first time. He tends to rush it instead of taking it slow. I like that he wants me so badly...but it's not doing anything for me.

 

Could it just mean that he's not that experienced? Is it normal for the first couple times to be a little, well, bad while you're figuring out what each other wants? Any advice or help would be appreciated.

[notimeman]

All women respond to different techniques so its difficult for a man to get it right. Some like a slow romantic approach and quite a few like it intense and fast. He's likely inexperienced and expects all women to be the same. The point is, though, is that you need to tell him what you like, ask him to go slow and he'll go slow. Eventually, men pick up on a woman's reactions for what they're doing and the first time in bed is more an experiment.

 

The point is that you need to tell him how he should go about it while in bed to maximize both your experiences.

[meoww]

yeah I agree, I'd give at least 10 times before you start feeling like you are sexually incompatible. (since it seems like you are interested in a relationship rather than something casual)

has he made you orgasm before? I'd start there

[regular joe]

It's normal. Even when it is good at the beginning and as you get to know each other and the emotions get deeper for it to get even better. Now lately I had a couple of FWB and we were just not even close to being on the same page of music and the sex completely sucked. But, even the first time with them was just not a good expirience.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think it's something that can definitely be worked on and learned. Try your best to show him how you like it (while not hurting his pride or feelings). Make sure not to be vague with 'be more aggressive' or 'more foreplay'.

 

Maybe talk about sexual fantasies with one another. Be really open about how you view sex things you'd be willing to try.

[DoGGYtREAts]

I think it's something that can definitely be worked on and learned. Try your best to show him how you like it (while not hurting his pride or feelings). Make sure not to be vague with 'be more aggressive' or 'more foreplay'.

 

Maybe talk about sexual fantasies with one another. Be really open about how you view sex things you'd be willing to try.

i have to quote this one- Openess is the key with physical relationships. If you can get to where you feel completely comfortable talking openly about what your into, like or even fantasize about with eachother without fearing judgement that's a huge step in the right direction, and makes it infintely easier to see where your likes and dislikes overlap a bit

[gingerlemon]

I think it's normal that it's not immediately brilliant when both are inexperienced. Communication is key. Have the two of you talked about it?

[lhc1575]

Thanks for your feedback! We haven't talked about it--but recently, it's been a lot better. I think we just had to figure out what works for the both of us and get to know each other better.

[tommytoxen]

Hard to say, what's normal?

 

My girlfriend was a virgin, but we were absolutely wild, and both rather tired and sore many hours later, it was the best night of my life, and hers.

 

But the first time with my ex, was bland and just going through the motions. So I guess it depends on the chemistry

[Day_Walker]

It would seem to be a good time to address what you like sexually and see if he is receptive.

[Fudgie]

It is absolutely normal. You're having 2 people who are still getting to know one another and are only just exploring each others' bodies. I think it's normal and expected that there would be some awkwardness and whatnot in the first few times. Don't overthink.

 

That being said, I would say something to him. don't say "You're going too fast!" just say "I really enjoy foreplay...it really gets me going. Can we do more of it?" That way, it's about what YOU want and need from him, not about what he's doing wrong.